Emile54

My journey to this forum started by accident by reading an article on Dr. Sarno while suffering back pain. I have suffered from back pain for 40 years or so. I can now also understand where some of my mysterious child ailments stemmed from. I went thru a great deal of early childhood trauma that reading the TMS books (esp. The Great Pain Deception by Steve Ozanich) have helped me to understand better. Back pain persisted on and off through out my early adulthood. The tipping point from which I have not been able to get over is when I began having some heart issues while training to X-C ski racing. Needless to say, my anxiety, depression and fear have been ramped up ever since this happened 13 plus years ago. 8 years ago I suffered a near fatal heart attack that they attributed my surviving to years of earlier training. It was about a year later, when I began to relax and feel good about how things were going, that back pain really got the best of me for several years. I went thru the usual protocol of doctors, chiropractors, physical therapy looking for relief. They offered temporary relief at best. I do have spondyolethisis diagnosed after a wrestling injury in 10th grade, but this structural defect was never the cause. In fact, it was at this time the pain moved from years of low back to mid back. By accident during this time, I discovered a magazine with an article on Dr. Sarno's work and I immediately saw myself in the words. This knowledge has helped me a great deal over the past couple years, much of the time being pain free. After just completing a move (lots of pain free lifting) and getting thru a tough financial situation (damn student loans), my wife and I went out for a walk, We were just talking about what a relief it was to have this all behind us and that we were now in a good place. Very optimistic!! By the end of the walk both my hips began to ache and then got painful. The pain has moved all over from hips to low center to mid back. I went to a chiropractor who informed me that my left leg was shorter than my left and was the cause. Why I went other than the hope of a quick fix I don't know. Apparently my leg wasn't shorter during the move. After a couple of appts. and only temporary relief I came to my senses and broke out the Sarno Books again. I then read the Great Pain Deception by Ozanich and my TMS belief was reinforced. I am feeling better but am working thru my fear of physical activity primarily along with some anxiety issues. My hope is that involvement with this forum will not only be educational and supportive, but help me keep my awareness on things I need to work on. And yes, I do tend to be very hard on myself and reading many of the stories reminds me to let go and be easier and more loving towards myself.