FEAR and Obsession and Patella Tracking and Popping

dear people
I've been thinking about posting again for a long time. but i'm at a point where i think ^ i can't anymore ^. I posted my story and after a personal email from Steve O I had great success with the Isg and ignoring the cracking. However, I've been going through hell ever since. My knee, which has been causing problems for years, the kneecap does not work properly. she subluxes. sitting down when bending etc. despite regular training and physio. the knee supposedly has cartilage damage because of this and makes scary noises and is inflamed. the doctors want to surgically pull the kneecap into the middle and smooth the cartilage. my other knee, which was once operated on with a tumor, starts to crack loudly with every turning movement. I'm not lying when I say I'm dying of fear. my fears never boiled as high as since i have known tms. I'm obsessed with the symptoms and have 24 hour panic attacks and can't even dare to move. my nervous system is so alarmed after 20 years of pain and fear. I go to psychotherapy etc. it doesn't get me any further. I have tms doubts because I don't have a doctor here and always read that the doctor's examination must be unremarkable (only arthrosis, etc.). but my kneecap is crooked and the doctors say it's destroying the cartilage. I'm terribly afraid of the cracking kneecap, I don't dare to squat, etc. as soon as I have one thing operated on, another one comes along. but I just couldn't find anything to treat it as tms. MRI also shows inflammation in the knee, which has also recently cracked, but no one knows why. I can hardly breathe or calm down. I have the feeling that I am dying of fear of disability and that my joints are deteriorating more and more. I used to love sports. Trips. play with my daughter. I'm dying of fear of the symptoms and just can't take them anymore after 5 years 24 hour ISG and sciatica. I'm afraid of self-fulfilling prophecies. I don't want to have an operation again but I never know the limit of what is Tms and what can now seriously be done medically. the kneecap has been crooked for years but the back was worse so I endured it. in the end i can't work anymore because of the panic. can tms pull a kneecap crooked for years? make a loud cracking sound in the other joint? I don't want to overlook anything until a tumor grows again. I can't find any rest. does anyone have advice? I have the feeling since I've known tms it's getting worse and worse.
thank you from the heart from Germany Kristina

 

Hello, I responded on the other post.
(edit: https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/pain-and-fear-since-30-years.26266/#post-136240 (Pain and fear since 30 Years))

 

I have a friend who had serious hip issues. In the past she had many operations, and was told she had a hole in her hip and needed a replacement. She was an athlete, in much pain and frustrated. When she was walking she was leaning away from the pain, “compensating”, holding muscles stiff both from fear and to stabilize this “new” way to move. She wanted to avoid more operations badly.
Starting with meditation to calm herself down, she began to slowly recognize her tension and movement patterns. Realized that her mind amd body were both reflecting these ridged things in thought or movement. Slowly, she found moments to relax and loose fear and finally to see that if she stopped the body tension and fear thoughts, she could begin to walk more normally. This helped her decide on her next step - for her, no operation but physical therapy reminded her how to walk in a “normal” gait again.
Sometimes physical issues are 100% tms and sometimes there are underlaying issues causing physical discomfort - but being in a fear and panic state heightens the sensations of pain, makes it difficult to make decisions about our health (and everything else) because of the fear.
My knee caps have never been straight. One knocks in, the other out. I have no knee pain 99% of the time. Last year I had panic attacks and major anxiety and didn’t often leave the house -was bed bound. Today I’m going to a small party outdoors.
When my anxiety wained some and I could make more confident decisions, I made them and stuck with them. It started with doing the free program available here on tmswiki, I used a tms coach and learned some skills to help with the fear of symptoms and journaled. You can choose to do these things or not. I did use a tms psychotherapist too for a short while. I ready many books. Too many. Most helpful besides Dr.Sarno were @TG957 ’s little book, and Claire Weekes - they taught me some coping skills and the realization I can heal in my own way. The free program helped with discovering emotional patterns.
You can do this. You can heal and you WILL feel better in your mind to loose the fear. Know that somehow you can get better. If you need another operation after doing this work you will be in a much better place in your mind to heal. Maybe you will not need it.
I think Claire Weekes is published in German, Sarno is.