Flare up

Hi, I have an open question for the group. I am a total believer in TMS and have controlled many mind body issues using Dr Sarno’s techniques and theories. I am currently experiencing a flare up and I think my approach to internal health might be wrong. I’ve lost a few dear friends due to Covid and my back pain has flared up. When it comes to loss what do you think is healthy? I cried my friends death and I did mourn them -I thought- and also tried to not rethink things too much and continue with my life... however now that I am in pain I think that maybe I went about it too quickly? How much is healthy to mourn? I tried not to get stuck with the sad thoughts but maybe I should not have avoided the mental suffering, the loss, the tears? Should you stay with those feelings until they abate? I was trying to avoid an anxiety attack and not be ran over by emotions, maybe it is wrong and by avoiding emotional pain I created physical pain? How do you approach loss? How do you know if you have felt things and mourned in a healthy way? Am I repressing feelings and that is the culprit?

 

Hi, I'm so very sorry for your losses. I can't even imagine how hard that must be. Your flare up is definitely linked to grief and loss which is a process. The only thing you can do is to be kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel the feelings as they come up. Be with them, hear them, have compassion for them and yourself. The pain sensations are harmless and temporary but your body is expressing those emotions right now, so it would be healthier to just give voice to them and let them pass through as they arise. There is no right or wrong way to do this at all. What you are experiencing is totally normal and understandable! Just give yourself a break and connect as much as possible with people in your life who are comforting and caring. I'm sure other members on here will be able to give feedback as well.

 

Thanks for answering ... I am trying to grasp it all. You see, I am afraid of feeling too much. A shrink once taught to me to say “stop” to a repetitive feeling to avoid getting stuck on that tension and creating too much anxiety. It worked and I learned to block the excess of feeling but now I am afraid that in so doing I have also learned to contain and somehow repress emotions and THAT creates pain.... I am afraid of feeling too much, if I cry I quickly tell myself “enough”, more of this is masochistic, control yourself. I don’t know how much reminiscing and thinking of lost ones I should allow myself without it becoming unhealthy. I hope you can get my point... Gotta relearn how to feel and let go in a “normal” way. Something is not working therefore the back pain and tension...

 

Yes, I don't think you can think your way out of feelings. Feelings just arise on their own. They ebb and flow and we have to allow them without judgment. That is not the same thing as ruminating and wallowing and being so overtaken by emotion that you can't function. I think that is your fear though. You are afraid of your emotions and your job is to teach the brain that emotions are safe. Emotions are normal and safe and we have to give ourselves permission to have them. Humans are meant to feel the whole range in order to be healthy. Otherwise repression ensues and that results in maladaptive coping strategies to deal with e anxiety that is covering up the emotions. Emotions are our compass. Keep reminding yourself that you are safe and so are your emotions.

 

Thanks, need to think all this through.. feeling, cleansing, closure, mourning... tough issues.