Having major flare up

Over the years since I first found out about TMS I have had it travel to different parts of my body and once I realized it was TMS it usually went away pretty fast.

Right now I was hit last Sunday with bad sciatica pain and though not as bad is still there and worse when sitting even though I keep telling myself this is from TMS and sitting and other things do not hurt it.

I am rereading Dr Sarno's Healing Back Pain and some other mind body books. I am not letting it stop me from doing my errands, swimming, etc. I went to my Nia dance class yesterday and felt so peaceful the pain was very low when I finished.

We are leaving on a month long rv trip this Wednesday starting Oregon coast through WA into Canada for two weeks and I keep telling myself I will be fine. I wonder if part of me is not really believing it or has fear about it.

What started the whole thing was being at my daughters house, I don't like her boyfriend he is rude behind her back, and in the beginning I tried to carefully say a few things about him and felt her pulling away from me. We are close and I knew I had to accept him or lose our relationship so I swallow my feelings. Along with that my other daughter who while we are both trying to love each other sometimes it feels fake and she was there also. During that visit my husband called to say while walking dog, another dog came after our dog and when Mike told guy to keep his dog leashed he threatened to kill my husband, police did nothing and after hearing all that within a few hours the major pain began.

This time there was no question I knew immediately it was TMS, I am wishing since i solidly know it the pain would miraculously go away like it has in past times.

I am trying hard to go on with my life despite the pain but its hard to ignore. I have been saying to it, yes I see you pain, I know you are caused by my emotions and you will go away when you are ready, which I hope is soon!

 

have you heard of nichole sachs? she has created something called journal speak, you write down your feeling but in the truest gritty way, so maybe you could do this about these situations and people, eg: I f...king hate that tw...t I wish I could blow his brains up and stamp on them bla bla bla lol, basically its our deepest nasty thoughts that we release and let out big time, it my be worth a try : ), she is on youtube if you want to check her out xx

 

I will check it out but the goodest in me says not to say things like that ever. I have journaled my angry feelings before but i always feel guilty after. Don’t know if its the religion i was raised in or what but i was taught to think nice of everyone even your enemies. I try to forgive those who hurt me.

Getting out the yuck is probably what sticks me. It takes a lot to get me to strike back in anger mean things like fu or Calling cuss names. I have done it when totally pushed to end by my husband but i always feel really crappy after.

When i was doing howards program i journaled some of those feelings. Every time i think i am done, over my awful past it still affects me. I want to be forgiving a nice social person. That makes me smile because Dr Sarno says goodest people are the most TMS sufferers.

I realized today my therapist who does cognitive therapy isn’t really helping so i searched for one who believes in mind body. I should have done that before but at time I wasn’t thinking of TMS. I hope she has time, it will cost as not on my insurance but worth it.