How do I fix these issues?

From Hillbilly:

"You get powerful symptoms when stressed. You have difficulty concentrating, can't organize your life well, avoid social interaction, avoid any activity you think might cause embarrassment, avoid doing the most basic chores or daily living because they are boring. Instead you fill your time with things that command your attentive energy. More probably you do more than one."

From Dorado:

"I was obsessed with healing and trying to feel safe, and that generated more fear of my symptoms and overall situation."

How do I get to this:
From Hillbilly:

"The problem was that I was still allowing my symptoms to control me. I wasn't in control at all in my life. I made room for rest, avoidance, paced myself too much. (Yes!!!)
I decided I needed one thing, and that was courage to push through the pain and doubt and go back to living again. I took a break from all forums, all internet searches, and decided on one goal: I would live fully again, and I would be stronger and more resolute than before. I didn't need a hero. I needed to find the inner strength for MY journey."

How do I stop going on forums too much or find true inner strength? How do I make it easier to "stick to it" and tough it out? I've been doing that before and all I do is tense up until I feel upset and flare up. Maybe positivity is the game changer because pulling out feelings makes me feel worse. No matter how many times I try I can't get it to stick. It feels mechanical and I keep forgetting. How do I be strong for myself despite the trauma and constant sensitivity. How do I become stronger without getting rid of the TMS personality and paying thousands of dollars in therapy? Is it actually changeable because pushing through is only a temporary distraction.

Hillbilly: "Expect and accept discomfort, disappointment, even grief." This makes me feel worse and I remember those feelings.

This is what I'm focusing on:
"Stay determined to get the things done you need to in order to feel like a productive adult."

@JanAtheCPA How do I break the "Yes, but" cycle that you pointed out without making myself more fearful and helpless? I'm really trying not to ask for reassurance but my anxiety keeps flaring up and starting new symptom imperatives.

 

Hi Balsa11,

I have not read all your posts, but I see you're taking this all very seriously, and getting some very good advice, I think.

You are talking about deep patterns we all have, each with our own specific "flavors." Our patterns, our conditioned selves, our identities which keep becoming reconstituted... there are no shortcuts do "deal with them." It is likely to take long-term, dedicated work, preferably with a guide/therapist who has navigated the same internal realms. This is the truth, and always has been.

Mindfulness practice is a powerful self-treatment. So is recognizing positive things in your life every day, perhaps by writing down three things you're grateful for. Finding sensate pleasure is also helpful in small and large ways. Direct sensate experience ---staying with that for say five minutes at a time, helps us get out of our heads. So is connecting with others in a meaningful way. So there is a short, easy-to-do-yourself list which may help you unwind the fear/anxiety/fixing cycle we all find ourselves in.

Ideally, you'll move from survival responses to relaxation responses about the things which come your way, including anxiety and symptoms. This might take a little time, but you can make progress on your own. All of these suggestions take a certain amount of self will to follow through on, which you probably have. Hope this helps!

Andy