Pain in right foot

Hello, all. I am new to this forum and wiki but not to Dr. Sarno. I first read his book in 2009 when I was experiencing a time of high stress (fired from old job, found new job, had bedbugs) and developed pain in my right knee. The pain went away with the help of Sarno, physical therapy, and a good therapist (psychological). Reading his book, I understood why I had suffered from a history of back pain, including an acute bout of sciatica in 2007.

But now I am faced with the worst physical challenge of my 47 years, and I am praying to God that it is TMS and that I can get rid of it. I developed pain in the top of my right foot after a long (four hour) walk in June. At first it was diagnosed as tendonitis, then Morton's Neuroma, both of which I was treated for to no avail. (A later MRI showed no neuroma.) The pain just kept getting worse until it exploded in late August--the pain and swelling sometimes got so bad that by the end of the day I could hardly put any weight on my foot, and had to rest and ice for 24 hours until it got a bit better. Any significant walking I did made it worse, so I (a formerly very active person) have not been able to do any walking since late August. This caused depression, loss of appetite, etc. This was when I went back to my therapist (I should have done so sooner).

Next I was diagnosed with a "biomechanical" problem with my foot--Morton's Toe--and given orthotics and compression socks. Because of the pain and swelling, I'd had to take a two-month medical leave from my job (I'm a high school English teacher). With the help of the compression socks and a wheelchair, I was able to go back to work, thank God.

Around Thanksgiving, I started experiencing muscle pain throughout my right leg, so I went back to Sarno. As I was re-reading Healing Back Pain, I thought, wow, could this also be what's going on with my foot? I did some journaling and self-talk, also changed my shoes and started seeing a physiatrist, and my foot started improving! I was so happy! I stopped using the wheelchair at school, and was walking around, not exactly normally, but almost. I went to yet another podiatrist who told me that it was actually a nerve problem--I had irritated two nerves--and that they would eventually calm down on their own. (This was my fourth diagnosis.) But about ten days later I re-irritated a nerve on the top of my foot and was back to (almost) square one. I was able to continue working but I was back in a wheelchair.

This is where I am now. I started reading Sarno again and also ordered The MindBody Prescription. I also went to my PCP to rule out anything serious (as he suggests) and she has ordered me to get a bone scan and EMG, which of course has me thinking "physical" again. I also made an appt. to see a TMS doctor in Manhattan (I live in the Bronx) in March, the earliest I could get an appt.

I have been reading Sarno every night and writing in my journal. I am struggling with this. On the one hand, I truly believe in the mind-body connection. Right before my foot pain started, I had my 18-year-old cat (whom I'd had for 17 years) put down, after a year and a half of treating her kidney disease, arthritis, and anemia. I KNOW this was a major stressor for me. However, I have a hard time accepting all of what Sarno says, especially about subconscious rage. Other emotions, such as guilt and stress, seem to play a bigger part for me. I also don't think I fit all of his required personality traits. I am very self-critical, but I don't think I am a perfectionist. I don't tend to keep my emotions bottled up. I've always considered myself fairly in touch with my emotions.

Can I truly heal myself of TMS if I only pick and choose the things that resonate for me? I see so many people say you have to believe ALL of what Sarno says in order to heal. I am really having a hard time buying into that.

Anyway, thanks to any of you who have read all this. I am happy to have found this forum. The only danger is that I will become obsessed with it and spend hours every night reading it (as I did last night)!

Gail