TMS caused by repressing fear

I've been having a TMS attack this past week with anxiety and upper back/neck pain. When trying to think about what's going on that could be causing this I hit on the following. My daughter is due to give birth in about a month. I am of course happy about this. However, my last 2 grandchildren (from another child) were born with a genetic disease and we all went through many traumatic times and both small children are today disabled.

When the first child was born, they attributed his problems to a virus and the parents were told there was no reason to think this would happen again. However, lightening hit twice when the next child was born with similar symptoms but no virus. It was then that they realized it was genetic.

My daughter has been tested and doesn't carry the gene but I've seen so many exceptions to the rule and things go wrong that it's hard for me to internalize the fact that there isn't anything to worry about.

As I thought about this earlier, all of a sudden I started to cry. I didn't realize how scared I am. As I'm writing this I'm starting to feel a bit of relief so I must be on to something.

Any thoughts or tips are welcome.

 

I woke up all through the night in pain and am in a lot of pain this morning. Any tips on how to deal with this would be very helpful

 

I can totally relate to your situation. My second grandchild was born with a rare genetic disorder. Coping with this has been very stressful and traumatic for the entire family. He is almost 5 now, and we have all survived, but the ongoing stress is still a factor for his parents, which is troubling to all of us who care.

I think the fact that you are aware of your fear as your daughter is about to give birth is very helpful. I say sit with the fear, feel it, and talk to others about it. Don't deny its existence. Then turn your focus to your daughter, who needs you now, and try to be there for her as much as possible. Accept that you have no control over the outcome, but know that you all will survive no matter what happens. Be especially good to yourself. Do what you need to do to feel better. Life is very challenging at times and there is no way to escape that fact. Kindness to self and others, and emotional honesty is my best advice.

Wishing you and your family the best.........

 

@Ellen - you captured it well with this sentence:
"He is almost 5 now, and we have all survived, but the ongoing stress is still a factor for his parents, which is troubling to all of us who care. "

Thanks for your support and insights.

I just started reading a book called The Love Response. It's in the list of recommended books in Dr. Schubiner's book: Unlearn Your Pain. I'm really enjoying it. It takes a slightly different route to get to the same end as most of the other TMS books and materials I've read. It's very good.

 

I had something similar happen, but it was to me and my son and it was my DIL who was pregnant. My son ended up an emergency c-section, dut to a cord prolapse. Needless to say, there was no other choice but to do the c-section. He survived but came out blue and I went into shock so they had to put me completely out. Just before my son had their first last month, I worried myself sick, until my therapist told me the same thing as Ellen: don't worry about the things you can't control and just be there. A beautiful, healthy girl was born on April 19th with no complications.

My daughter had her first a few years ago and I worried then too, because with each of my children's births, I had complications, so of course worried she would too. Alas, there was no complications and one of the easiest births the doctor had ever seen.

Sometimes, we just need to let these worries go, because we have no control over them. It really is freeing.