Tms traits

Theres a discussion on the other forum about people pleasing, being perfectionistic and goodist and being compulsive. I see all of these in myself....and understand the first three as being in my case anxious and actually very self centred if im out to please you its got conditions...that i'll get your approval etc.

The one which im aware of a lot in myself is being compulsive and impulsive....which doesnt match the anxious more nervous part of myself. I quite often volunteered compulsively to go first in group situations...and wonder if thats because I couldnt sustain the tension and fear made me go first... I dont like waiting for people and Im always on time or too early.

Most people looking at me would have no idea how nervous Ive been in so many situations... My outsides rarely matched my insides. Any thoughts on why being compulsive is a TMS trait?

 

In my experience, TMSers are just all wound up and driven. We're full of anxiety and just tense. I like to think that that was what Dr. Sarno was thinking of when he called the syndrom TENSION myositis syndrome. Every person with TMS is different, but it sure seems like a lot of us are tense, with crazy compulsions and drives (drives to be perfect and good are the classics, but also to people please and just about everything else but relax and just take life one moment at a time, enjoying it). There are things that we do because we've got all of these emotions driving us.

The good news is that we don't have to be this nervous. There's no reason that we can't just lay back and enjoy life ust like everyone else. Our brains are plastic (as in changeable, not as in petroleum product), so they have the ability to change and adapt. But it takes a long time to soothe the demons that compell us. We may understand it intellectually early on, but getting those ideas to percolate down to the unconscious takes an awful lot of time.

What are you anxious about? I can get pretty anxious, too.

 

Thanks for reminding me about the TENSION part of TMS....ive always been anxious and fearful.....as a child i used to worry about things , dread them actually.....anyway I'll be looking into all that stuff as I work my way thru the SEP on this forum which is fabulous and then Ive got Dr Schubiners unlearn your pain to go on to and work with.....unfort I took the advice from Dr Sarno to throw away all the supports and pain gels etc and move more a bit too zealously and Ive ground to a halt around Day 4 of prog as neck and arm are extremely painful. Typing this is masked with pain meds. I have 'fibromyalgia' and chronic fatigue syndrome so I need to take it slowly. Im pretty housebound and used to get out to swim 3 or 4 times a wk...even a coupla years ago...and now The stairs to the swimming pool building are my challenge!
However viewing it all as tms is a great break thru for me....had been to around 70 therapist over the years...seeing my emotional probs and seeing my physical probs but never mealding them in the way Dr Sarno has made me understand the whole thing is a dialogue.
Seeing my life become so limited has of course made me anxious.....i was thinking about the traits again and I think perhaps im more impatient than compulsive....and I think impatience is the opposite of mindfulness...which is a tool recommended here.....I have for a few periodsover my life enjoyed being really mindful and they were sweet times and very calming.
Thank you again for your reply....gotta go to bed im in Scotland and its 3.30 am....insomnias another wee challenge....but im afraid Im a coffee lover to get energy in the day...and we all know where that story goes.....does anyone have anything good to say about coffee...probably not....ive used food and alcohol to to keep my emotions squashed over the years..but quit all that about 20 yrs ago so i feel coffee is a treat....nite BB

 

Hi Bawbee:

We could be "subconscious mates". I too was fearful through a lot of my childhood, but I'm not sure why. I have an idea - but don't know for sure. You are on the same path I was following before the Big Crash. I couldn't finish Dr. Schubiner's book. I took a break which I think was good because it allowed more things to "percolate" into my conscious mind. Now I have a new list of events I had forgotten and didn't address the first time around. I can go back and work with these. Please let me know if you have questions - you can pm me anytime. I say this since I took the same road you are. And I'm still on it.

Bummer. I find that I am slowly not needing the pillow under my knees at night or my heating pad, but I'm not ready to give them up yet. And my 15 year old cat likes the heating pad too. I'm not giving up these items until I'm sure I'm ready. I was swimming too, but have not been in awhile. My pain also has moved to my shoulder and neck, so swimming doesn't sound great. Is there a short walk you could take? On a flat surface? Just down the road and back for five minutes might make you feel a little better and seeing the progress you seek.

So well put! Just lovely.

That they are. But really hard for those of us with anxiety issues. You mentioned you are always early or at the very least punctual. I am too. My dad always arrived at least an hour late the nights he was supposed to take us with him. I used to get terribly anxious about this as a child. Is there something you have found that might help "answer this question" in you? I am always late for work. Kinda funny. But I'm the boss so I lecture myself sternly. Actually the real reason is I don't want to be there.

Congratulations on quitting alcohol. I have too and it is a lot better for my anxiety.Yes! Love my coffee. But I can't drink it past noon. Or I too am up all night. I love getting up in the hour before dawn. Sitting outdoors with a hot cup of coffee and listening to the first birds is a really nice way to start the day. I make myself focus on the sounds and sights around me. This is also mindfulness. Or living in the moment. And with that first hot cup, I really enjoy the time and nature in my back yard.

You are doing great. I think it was really brave of you to throw out all your "assists". You could bring one or two back into your life. This way it will reduce your pain for now, and also your anxiety.

BG

 

Thanks for all that BG...It struck me when you said how you had your first coffee of the day outside...that is actually that first cup that is the best one...so going to try and stick to one and enjoy without guilt! I was talking to a tms practitioner here in Uk, about doing ( a bit) of the SEP and getting Dr Schubners book and which prog was best etc etc....and she said that was very typical of a TMS personality...the making a big deal and not able to decide.. She recmmended dr Schubiners...so might go with his...my husbands been reading the book which is supportive of him.
Hes EXTREMELY healthy, but this wk a bit of mindbody stuff hit him. he may have to be a juror at the High Court next week...anxious about it and he has bad tooth pain thru grinding them while asleep! It hurts him to eat...told him to journal about all his worries about being a juror...so we'll see. Need to stop bad arm pain. BB

 

Bawbee:

YES! On Dr. Schubiner's book. I have it and I really like it. I kinda crashed around Chapter 3, but I had done the SEP on the wiki just before it and I was burning out on all the "stuff". I have decided to go back and redo Chapter 2-3 (you'll see when you get the book) and also work with the meditations more. Veronica loves them - I kept forgetting to do them or didn't have enough time. That is one thing about his book. Although he says you don't need to work on it every day, I did. And there is a lot to work the further you get into the book. It takes some time to work the exercises, about 90 minutes each time. The LAST thing he does is pressure you into working straight through the program. But there is a lot in this book that really helps get to the "meat of the matter."

Enjoy that cup of coffee. I'll think of you while having my first cup. We have a local roaster. The coffee is so good. Can't have anything else now - I'm spoiled!

And also very cool you recognized your husband's issue with the upcoming court work. I'd put that together too. Grinding his teeth at night (anxiety) and not being able to eat (bummer).

Hang in there and good luck. Maybe some day we'll be pain free having a cup of coffee together!

BG

 

Hi Bawbee. Dr. Sarno tells us there is an overflowing beaker: 1/3 is childhood issues, 1/3 is everyday stressors, and 1/3 is our personality. At the beginning of my journey I didn't spend too much time on the childhood portion, but later learned to explore a bit with and pay attention to what current issues in my life (reactions, triggers, etc.) could stem from an event in childhood. This takes time. Many professionals believe that MANY if not all our issues come from something from childhood.

I learned that as I would "delayer the artichoke" while journaling, something important would come to mind that was a memory from the past. This helped me see what childhood event could be affecting me in the present. I loved when something like that surfaced so I could address it--from the perspective of the child when it took place--not as the adult looking back as, well, an adult!

Best wishes!!

 

My guess is that your instinct is correct and that you volunteered out of nervousness. Going first puts you in control of when the event happens- even if it's not the time that you would have chosen. (Some of this is based on my own thinking about when I would volunteer.)