Update: IBS, diverticulosis, rectal spasm - surrender

It's been a while since I posted here. I'm 70 years old and for the past eight years have been grappling with IBS-type symptoms (constipation, diarrhea, bloating, pelvic pain, urinary frequency, and vilely painful rectal spasm) which kicked off after my recovery from an extremely painful back injury (my fault) two years previously. The IBS symptoms worsened this year (acute diarrhea) so the GP ordered a colonoscopy which showed up diverticulosis, i.e. diverticular pouches in the colon but not actual diverticulitis, thank heavens. The consultant said that this condition - wear and tear of the colon - could cause the symptoms I'm experiencing.

Now I've been doing some research myself and I gather that many people go to their graves with diverticulosis, in fact a large percentage of the elderly population have these pouches that have developed in the colon, and most have no symptoms at all. So I'm still pretty convinced that this is yet another example of TMS hiding behind another medical label.

I'm glad I had the colonoscopy as it's ruled out anything more serious but it still leaves me with the symptoms. They have ramped up this year. Along with many others in the UK I am under stress with Brexit looming. Part of my (modest) retirement pension comes from the French state as I worked in that country for many years and the uncertainty over this and the future of the country in general, combined with the current news re the awful forest fires is playing on my mind. I try my best not to catastrophise, but I value this planet and the natural world so much and to see what is happening just breaks my heart. I do what I can, sign petitions, vote, support environmental causes.

In other words I am having to surrender the illusion of control completely. Completely. Over everything. I need to let go too of the timetable I have in my head for recovery from this condition and for the rest of my life. I'm a great one for planning and lists and timetables but it doesn't work for TMS.

I have especially to let go of the real fear that I am now too old for my body, mind and nervous system to be able to recover, since I know that the physical body is meant to heal and can and will given the right conditons. I eat healthily - a pleasure as I spent many of my young adult years with an eating disorder. I journal. I do inner work. I practise self care and acceptance the best I can. But my ability to lead a "normal" social life is limited because of the constraints that the symptoms impose on things like travel. I live alone and this suits me but it's difficult to plan ahead even for things close to home as I don't know how the gut is going to be on any given day.

I have to accept that this may be how it is today but it doesn't mean that it's going to be like this for ever. I value this Forum as the recovery stories are incredibly uplifting and give me hope and courage. Thanks everyone for being here.

 

Hey beautiful you,

I hear you, so much turmoil and madness over which we have no control. I’m doing my best to avoid the news and politics as I’m knee deep in woes inflicted by the austerity measures. What to do? Mostly fight injustice and yield to softness, to sweetness. I still fear bitterness more than anything else life can throw my way.

For you I would say remember that the enteric nervous system holds our emotions (our undigested emotions maybe?) safe. Lord knows you’ve done enough inner work to be free of anything and everything but I do wonder how much gentle souls like you are empathically processing the emotions and catastrophic events of the wider world beyond any sense or reason.

Can we flip our symptoms into a call to arms?
What does that even mean?
Maybe in the processing of them we are enabled to choose a kinder response.

Truly I don’t know. I do know many of us are hurting in ways beyond the personal scope of our lives.

I wish I could say something magical, something to make it all go away. Selfish oblivion sounds tempting. And yet, and yet.

I send you love dear one.

 

Yes yes we surely are all "trying to digest" the energy in the world right now...humans as well as cosmic. We are strong together! Hang on...this "game" is ending soon and we will all be free from suffering. I believe that! Love and grace and peace.

 

@plum Thank you for your lovely reply. I've now caught up with your recent posts and my heart goes out to you and your husband. It's the sense of powerlessness that's the killer. We are living in challenging times and like you I avoid the news and politics like the plague whenever I possibly can - and I never used to be like that, used to be a real news junkie. However some of this crap does seep through and sensitive types like us, in different ways, are called upon to "digest" and process it. I'm not surprised TMS-type conditions are so rampant in the general population. No easy anwers except to keep processing and have faith and patience and follow one's intuition regarding any small steps one can take to try and influence things. Take good care of yourself, dear Plum, sit in the garden with a novel when you can, or whatever else works on any given day.

 

@TrustIt What a great handle. Thanks for your encouragement and support. I have a strong faith (with some wobbles!) that good will come out of all of this. We are not alone.