Why is my brain so suggestible?

It's humbling to admit that after working the TMS program for several years (with great success) that I'm sitting here at work with an ice pack on my arm and taking Aleve for something that I know is TMS.

About a month ago, I started having pain in my left elbow/forearm. A manageable discomfort that I didn't pay a lot of attention to. A few weeks ago, I had the thought, "I wonder why my left arm is hurting when I use my right arm so much more?" I work at a computer 7 to 8 hours per day so that would have made more sense. You probably know what I'm getting ready to say. A few days later my right arm began to hurt...really hurt. At first I tried to laugh it off as sneaky TMS, but the pain has progressed to where it's keeping me awake at night. A few days ago, I developed slight swelling in the forearm. Hence the ice pack and Aleve. My husband wants me to go to the doctor, but I'm not going down that rabbit hole again. I'll admit that I Googled tennis elbow to see if it hurt in the same spot. And, I began catastrophic thinking "what if...." Our financial situation is precarious and the thoughts of not being able to work scares me to death.

I've always been a gullible person. I believe what people tell me and rarely challenge "the system." I guess that must apply to my own thoughts. I'm gullible to my own brain. I'm going back to a daily journal practice and working the SEP again. Also, looking into the possibility of TMS counseling. Something that I have been reluctant to do because of money constraints. Practicing self care, meditation, and TRYING not to feel like a failure for sitting at my desk with my arm on an ice pack.

 

HattieNC, don't get down on yourself. I recently had a relapse after reading the book/therapy a year ago with great success. It's both amazing and frustrating that our minds can betray us like this.

For nearly eight months I though I had Golfer's Elbow (which in on the inside opposed to the outside of the elbow), but it would just come and go when it wanted. Oddly, it would only show up usually when I would think about it, which made it happen over and over again. After reading the book again, the pain vanished. Every once in a while I feel a twing, but it quickly goes away when I accept what is really going on.

Anyhow I wish you the best of luck and remember to be kind to yourself, that is one of the things that I do not do well with. You've got this!

 

Hi Hattie,

Yes, if I had a dime for every time I hear something and then "feel" it myself. Even today. So...I realized, as Steve Ozanich writes about clearly, that it's tied in to fear. I think it's fear more than suggestibility. I even have to be careful reading this forum, because I will read symptoms and my fear of "what if" takes over and I'll feel them.

I'm going for laughing at myself more often instead of trying to keep everything away...which just creates more fear/pain.

Marcia

 

It has happened to every long term TMSer I have known. Just part of the 'deal'. At least we have a solution. The longer you do this the quicker you'll catch it..I wouldn't call that gullible, just learning.

and just a note on 'swelling' . The year of my divorce my 'knee' got swollen and stiff. I thought I had hurt it, then got suspicious of TMS. It turns out I just have Ugly swollen looking knees from working on them my whole life. The pain left before the 'swelling' and I suppose if I looked now ,it might still be 'swollen'. I had the symptom first, noticed the visual/physical second. I went back to TMS work (mental/emotional) and the pain left...stopped looking at my knees and looked at my anguish and shame.

My right forearm is two and a half times the size of my left...swinging a hammer 30 years? Being right handed?
Just a thought...good thing you caught it...(no pun...ok...just a little one)

BBall65

 

Thanks everyone for the words of support and encouragement. It helps to know that I'm not alone in this. Especially since my family has no belief in the mindbody connection. This forum is my safe place to vent, regroup, and recommit to a practice that I know works.