Wolf24

I am 35 years old and my story with TMS has probably been my whole life (at least what I remember), with symptoms such as anxiety, IBS, Plantar Fasciitis some Back Pain, etc. It really starting to manifest into significant pain in the last three years though (upper Neck/back pain really kicked in), with it becoming debilitating in the last year. In August 2016 my lower back goes out. Bed ridden for three days but get adjusted and get some relief. Fast forward to after Halloween it kind of goes out again and I can't get any relief this time. Around the weeks of thanksgiving, neck and back are so bad that I can't even type an email without grimacing, lost 20 pounds in two weeks because I can't eat, slept about an hour or two a night for two weeks, have blurry Vision, sensitive to light, you name it. Start walking dog around neighborhood and knees start to hurt, so can't do that. Quads and hamstrings are so tight they feel like they are going to snap. The worst of it seems to go away after thanksgiving but still in pain all the time.

For the next year or so I deal with all the same symptoms but not as significant. I have run the gambit of the medical field just like a lot of those I have seen on this WIKI: Orthos, PTs, Chiros, Acupuncture, Holistic, Neurologist, Nutritionist, Massage therapist, Rheumatologist (diagnosed with Fibromyalgia), Nephrologist, etc. I even joined a Concierge Primary care practice hoping to get more one on one attention. $10k+ later I have nothing to show for it.

This brings me to November 2016 and the discovery of the book Healing Back Pain. I had now started to add debilitating Tendonitis to both arms that pretty much prevented me from typing. It got so bad I was at the point of telling my boss I need to go on disability and felt that my life had once again hit rock bottom due to my health. I went ahead and scheduled an appt with another Ortho who had previously done my second Shoulder surgery for rotator cuff tear (I know now this was just TMS). He orders a nuc. Bone scan and prescribes what must be the 10th different anti-inflammatory for me to try. He also gives me a piece of paper about herniated discs and scribbled on the top in the margin is something about John Sarno and the mentioning of “Healing Back Pain”, but he doesn’t say anything to me about it. I don’t think much about this piece of paper and go home to deal with my nightmare of pain. Out of desperation one day I decide to look up what he scribbled. I come across Amazon and the reviews of the book. I start reading through them after reading the book summary and start to get a feeling of hope. I quickly order the book. While waiting for the book I start to do a little research online about this TMS and seem myself in every aspect of it. Fast forward to getting the book and I have it read in just a few hours. My life will never be the same. I see myself on every page like so many of you and I can’t tell you how emotional it made me as now I felt I had the ability to get my life back. While the book did not completely heal me it did give me the recognition I needed to start healing. My tendonitis backed off significantly, I could now type again. I had a business conference in Dallas the following week that I was sure I could not attend but because of this book and recognition I was able to do it and sit all day every day for an entire week! It was not without pain of course but that would not even had been possible before.

Since then I have read The Divided Mind, read things online through this site and others and have started to see a Therapist to try and deal with emotional issues. I still have a lot of pain that I am trying to overcome and have good days and bad days. While I am not rock bottom I am still not near 100% which brings me to today. I know now that I have to take this more serious than I have and give my all if I want to overcome this, thus the start of the SEP program. I know now that I have to focus on this each and every day, not just the bad ones. I am not saying being obsessed about it as I know that is no good either.

Other relevant info: I fit the typical TMS Personality to the tee. I am a perfectionist (can’t even paint a room because of stress of seeing flaws) goodist (stress myself out trying to get someone the perfect gift, etc.). I have high expectations of others with none being greater than myself. I worry all the time about everything. I have been successful in my career but very unhappy. Pain really picked up with birth of first child in 2013. Also decided to buy a fixer upper that same year, which still needs fixed up. Birth of second child in 2014. We have two boys 21 months apart. In fall 2015 Dog dies. She was our first child as we had her since college, so even though she was old I took it much harder than I would have thought. Also was laid off around same time but found another position internally before employment ended. I love my wife dearly but we have completely opposite personalities and fight a lot. She is very laid back and messy and I am high strung and neat. It has caused a lot of conflict over the years with it becoming worse with kids. I had good enough parents growing up but they could be critical and have high expectations. I really in a lot of ways was left to teach myself everything. I love my dad but we don’t have a close relationship. Same with my brother but we are not close either. I have always had a hard time with stress but seem to look for it. I have also had trouble with anger. I am highly critical and when a person doesn’t agree with me I take it personal and for lack of better term mope about it.

Level of Acceptance and worries: I feel that I have accepted TMS and tell everyone about it but am worried about the lack of progress. I know for some it takes a lot of time. I think I struggle with the repressed emotions as I have always felt that I wear my emotions on my sleeve and don’t bottle things up. I know that acceptance should be enough but feel I may me missing something. Having pain everywhere and symptom imperatives as well, I know I have a significant case of TMS. This surprises me as I was not abused as a child or had any significant trauma to that degree. I got the belt a few times and some verbal lashings but that was about it.