Best way to tell you have TMS

Sorry for yet another post, but it's occurred to me tonight as I've continued my readings about TMS that one of the best ways you can test for whether or not you really have TMS is simply by how your symptoms react while reading and acquiring TMS knowledge.

For example, if you truly have some kind of structural problem then your pain symptoms will not change at all as you read any TMS material. Structural problems should have consistent and repeatable patterns of pain. However, if you find your pain changing in intensity or shifting then that in itself is a positive indicator of TMS. Why... Because your mind is trying to cope with the uncomfortable notion that TMS could be true and upending everything you previously thought to be true about medicine. Your MIND is grappling to comprehend the implications and causing your body to have a physical reaction!

 

So I met my ID this morning as I reflected on what I wrote above. Ever the analytical person who tries to rationalize and intellectualize everything I realized something... I kept using the words "you" and "your" in the above post... I wrote that about me! It hit me like an unrelenting wave while I was in the shower and I began to cry uncontrollably... the anxiety and fear that I felt during this episode was unreal, I was having trouble catching my breathe and I began thinking am I losing my mind... no, quite the contrary, I've brought my ID to consciousness and felt terrified.

Towards the end of this episode I began to cry and laugh at the same time. I realize now that I'm not physically broken, I just don't know who I really am. As a side note, I distinctly recall being hit by similar waves of emotion in the past. One was when my wife and I were once truly struggling in our marriage and I thought it was really ending. The second time was when I learned that my older half-sister succummed to her mental illness (she was paranoid schizophrenic) and committed suicide.

 

We TMS'ies are masters of projection.... Projection is a defense mechanism of your brain, to not have to deal with your own bubbling emotions.
You had an intense break through. Just take your time to process things and recuperate. See it as a positive thing that will help you grow and heal.

 

Thanks, Gigalos for the supportive words, I really appreciate it. I feel the shackles slowly coming off my mind.

I noticed this morning when I arrived at work that I was more jovial and talkative with my co-workers... which felt different and unforced.

Also, as I expected, a particular co-worker came over to complain to me as she usually does every morning about something. I immediately stopped her and explained to her that we can't do this anymore... That I can't be her sounding board because I have my own issues I'm dealing with. I could tell she was shocked... She became very anxious and stumbled for how to respond. I went on to explain that if she had true concerns she should speak to our supervisor or find other ways to cope with the stress. I let her know that I've definitely been in her shoes and frustrated by things at work and still am sometimes but that I don't want to be like that anymore... It's just not worth worrying about.

It felt very good to clear the air with this person. I made sure to let her know that I care about her but that I just can't support her in that way anymore. I felt a slight twinge of guilt afterwards for knowing how her own mind must be processing what just transpired but perhaps it will be the catalyst she desperately needs for change. Still, it was a very positive step for me... In a strange way I feel like I rewarded my ID by expressing to her how I've always felt whenever she goes on a rant.

 

That's great, you are on the right track.

 

You are correct about the changing and shifting of pain. I will feel things on my right, only to be replaced by issues on my left. How wacky is that! As soon as the mind starts concentrating on TMS truths, the level of discomfort lifts, if even for a minute. Our key is to keep going back to reassuring our subconscious that we are really OK.

 

I was thinking back and I believe I've actually had TMS for quite some time, but the symptoms were much different. I used to be quite depressed and would get "tension" headaches a lot after coming home from work. At some point those things subsided and I have these new symptoms in my back, neck and calves. It makes me wonder if I somehow adapted to the previous symptoms and/or they were no longer holding my attention like the unconscious part of me wanted so I got these new symptoms. These symptoms struck me in such a way that it made me stop weight lifting and cycling because it "conditioned" me into believing these activities were causing the pain. This would make sense because I used to do those things to vent my anger, but as pointed out in The Great Pain Deception, venting is not the same thing as actually being in touch with & dealing with the underlying emotions that caused the anger. Light Bulb!

Anyway, I've just been spending an extended weekend away from work with my family and my symptoms have again dramatically reduced. I totally think there's a component between stress in one's daily responsibilities (i.e. work for me) and buried emotions. It's all making total sense to me more and more. My body has literally been screaming at me to EASE UP, RELAX, THINK LESS, FEEL MORE, BREATHE... and it's working!

 

For the last 15 years I have had terrible pain whenever I sit. After starting this program I decided that the only way I am going to get over the fear of sitting is to just do it and keep on doing it regardless of the pain.

While I was sitting at the table working on my computer, I of course had pain. It started on the right side of my lower back area, then switched to the left side, moved up to my upper back, my shoulders, then back to the original lower back pain. I have had the pain shifting around for years without any of the doctors being able to explain why.

It is such a relief to finally understand what is going on with me. I actually laughed at the pain and told my brain " Ha, I know what you are doing and it is not going to work anymore." The physical pain stayed but the emotional pain/fear disappeared. It was definitely an "AHA" moment for me...reinforcing that I definitely have TMS. I know I still have a long way to go but I'm starting to feel like there is hope for a brighter future!

Have a great day everyone!

 

That's a really great first step, Lou, congratulations!