Confession - Silly Me

Hi All:

So I have a confession. I went to see a pain specialist today. The appointment was schedule before I learned about TMS on Monday. I also asked a friend to go along and we planned to have lunch. I SHOULD HAVE CANCELLED the appointment as I've gained so much in the way of being positive since Monday learning about TMS.

I've spent months in anxiety/depression because I could not accept the Fibro diagnosis. It caused something huge in my subconscious to kick in and fight, fight, fight. I have a lot of work through and know TMS is the cause of the pain.

But.... the pain specialist said, Susan, you are Fibro-like, I can't say whether or not you have it, but I believe you will get well and if not come see me and we'll treat you. Admittedly I feel a little depressed. I immediately got a headache when I entered the office. I knew I should have left.

I still feel much more optimistic and just know I will get well. With enough work and addmitting it's TMS, I just know I will.

I owe a few of you responses, but I thought I'd through that confession out there....

Any advice to gettting back where I was before the visit?

Thanks so much!
Susan

 

It sounds like this specialist identified that you have fibromyalgia, which is one TMS symptom (not something malignant), and that s/he believes you will get well. This sounds like pretty good news to me!

I notice that the same mindset that generates TMS symptoms in the first place also pops up all the time in recovery, including beating yourself up for doing things that bring temporary relief like occasionally taking pain meds, seeing the doctor, etc.

Hang in there!

 

Just read your note again. It's a slippery slope today, but I am going to do the work. I know this is TMS. I've had it all my life....

 

Along with the doctor giving you a really positive message - you can get better - something else happened here. When you entered the office you experienced a TMS symptom. How can the headache be a physical problem for you if it was caused by your guilt and apprehension about seeing this doctor? In other words the headache was brought on by how you were feeling at the time not because something was structurally wrong with you.

I have highlighted your use of the word 'should'. My own advice would be to change this word to 'could'. You could have cancelled the appointment but you didn't. You didn't because you wanted to hear what this doctor had to say. Nothing wrong with that. There are no rules about recovery. You follow your own path irrespective of what someone else has done or what you think you have to do. I assumed I was 100% on board with TMS when i joined thus community but months later I realised I was only about 95% sure. Seeing a doctor can help you move towards that 100%. It is only when you have ruled out ALL notions that your symptoms are physical that you can really make great healing strides.

Be kind to yourself.

 

Thanks yb44 - you are so rigth. And for as week I thougth I was 100% then the visit brought me back down to about 80%. I know fibro is TMS and I know I can heal. I have only been dealing with this for nine weeks. Anxiety and depression for four months. That's what led to all this and I think I simply need to retrain my brain by doing the work. If you want something to change in your life you have to work hard for it and I know that too. I just don't want the fact that I have fibro-like symptoms to bring me back down into a depression. That was much harder than the pain.

Thanks for always replying with a great perspective! I keep thinking of the Cymbalta commercial, depression hurts. And yes it does. I hurt my body from the thoughts in my head. That means I can heal my body from the thoughts in my head.

Take care,
Susan