Day 1 - New to TMS

I'm 53 years old with a long history of diagnoses: fibromyalgia, depression, anxiety, PTSD, panic attacks, migraines, costochondritis, chronic fatigue, nightmares, night terrors, back spasms, slight sleep apnea, insomnia, high blood pressure, etc

The only ones of these diagnosis that I was aware of prior to a car accident in 1997, was migraines, nightmares and occasional back spams.

I have tried almost everything for all of these conditions: countless medications, massage, chiropractor, acupuncture, PT, physiotherapy, myofascial release, psychiatry, psychotherapy, neurology, talk therapy, Cognitve Behavioral Therapy, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, TMS (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation), cortisol shots, IV, ER, hospital, surgery (tennis elbow), creams, ice packs, heating packs, Tens unit, CBD/THC Gummies, etc...

I'm new to learning about TMS so don't have a full grasp. I have the Curable app, have read The Way Out, did a 6 week Curable boot camp on pain and depression and recently found JournalSpeak. I'd say I'm 75% in believing most days and on other days maybe higher. At this point in my exhaustive journey, giving up my career two years ago and still feeling blocked by something, as far as truly recovering, I want to give my full effort to TMS. I've already given 25 years to stuff that has been expensive, time consuming, frustrating, fleeting, temporary, ineffective.

Since I've had every exam under the sun and there's no logical reason for me to still be experiencing a lot of these symptoms 25 years after my original car accident, I want to 100% believe in TMS and do the proper work, I just don't know what that sounds like and looks like.

I had a very complicated, traumatic childhood but had escaped it and was living life to the fullest at the time of my car accident and never wanted to use it as an excuse for not being successful in life. So, trying to understand how that can still be impacting me today, is sometimes perplexing. Not sure if it's perplexing because I currently struggle with memory issues or brain fog or something just hasn't clicked for me yet to 100% say that's why I'm still experiencing pain and other things.

 

I'm really sorry you are so stuck after all this time. When I see a story like yours I feel like I'm looking at someone with an incredibly resistant brain. Or, as I like to say, THIS is your brain on TMS.

Just reading the list of things you've done, especially all of the different mental therapy modalities, is exhausting. I'm not surprised that you have not received any responses, because where tf does someone start? You're exhausting yourself, flitting from one thing to another and letting your brain convince you that you need to move on to something else. This in itself is just another symptom, just another distraction, to go back to Dr Sarno's most basic theory.

Your fearful brain has you right where it wants you. It is completely in control, and you are complying perfectly.

IMHO you need therapy. Just plain old therapy with one skilled individual who of course accepts the mindbody connection. And you have to stick with it, and finally be honest and totally open about the trauma that obviously still affects you - anyone who knows anything about trauma knows that you don't just "escape" it emotionally even after you are physically safe.

Good luck.

 

Hello,

Thanks so much for taking the time to respond to my post. Yes, I guess my fearful brain does have me right where it wants me and I am complying perfectly.

Anyway, I've been in therapy most of the past 25 years but those were not TMS therapists or mind body therapists. I didn't know anything about these types of therapists until recently. I will look into it. Maybe having one can make a true difference.

You probably hit the nail on the head with having a resistant brain and I got a great visual when you said, This is my brain on TMS. Definitely something to ponder and figure out how to outsmart it.

Again, thank you so much for your response.

 

Here is the biggest takeaway that I have for you. You are trying too hard. You are focusing too much on feeling bad.
You don't have to give full effort to TMS. Solving things actually involves giving less effort.
To utilize TMS concepts and free yourself from discomfort, live your life. LIVE. Live the life you want to live. Just do it. Live!
The TMS work is simply freeing yourself. Allowing yourself to live. Deciding to stop thinking about your physical discomforts.
Look at the things you list. You can LIVE and do all the things you want to do in your life. None of those things need to hold you back unless you fear them.
Stop focusing on them. Stop researching them. Stop checking on yourself.
Get your paper and your pen and start writing. And go out and live. Write write write. When you feel the urges to be held back because of sensations you are feeling, because of the urge to study and research how you are feeling instead-- write, write, write. Write about how you were hurt. Write about how you were angry. Write and ask your inner little self questions. Let little traumatized you answer in writing. Write, write. And LIVE. Go. Live. Do whatever you want. Nothing can stop you. You control your legs and where you walk. You control your arms. The inner fears telling you you can't are trying to keep you down but they don't have access to your legs and your arms and your hands. YOU do. LIVE! Choose to live. And write, write, write.

 

Too often I neglect to mention the importance of self-compassion and self-love in this work. As you start on this new journey, you might want to include this as well. Check out either Tara Brach or Kristin Neff (or both, to see who resonates for you).