Getting ignored

I'm just sooooo pissed right now!

I may sound so over-reacting but I think I'm not getting the right attention that I deserve and it pisses me off. I understand that every relationship has its own boundaries but what's happening right now between me and my husband is something I can't handle. I feel so ignored and left out. I'm afraid that if I start confronting him, things will get out of hand. What should I do?

 

I have a few suggestions that might help you get started, mugwump:

1. Start by writing your husband an "unsent letter". This letter will say everything you definitely do not want to say in person but that you wish you could say.

2. Let the letter sit, while you go deep into your emotions and find the things that are threatening your core being. Feel the isolation, and/or the abandonment that you are experiencing. Find the rage for your expectations that are not being met. Think about the state of your personal freedom. And be brutally honest with yourself about what you really want.

3. Then go back through that letter and think about some of the things you could confront him with, but ask yourself how you might bring them up using "I" statements instead of "You" statements.

Using I statements is more likely to be heard by the other person because you are taking responsibility for your reactions and emotions, instead of making accusations.

Good luck!

~Jan

 

Thanks so much, Jan,
I already created an unsent email way back a couple of months ago. He said he happened to read it. Then we went back to the good all days. After that... the cycle continues. Again, he ignores me from time to time. I just couldn't handle it at some point. I'm about to lose control of myself. I just wanted to save my marriage and I just wanted my husband to listen to my emotional needs. Being that said, am I asking too much?

 

It's better if you open it up with him. When I have something to say to my partner, I cooked for him and talked things over.

 

I hope that works for my husband too, but I don't know... I'm even considering getting relationship counseling now, which I never imagined I'd ever need. Will that be too extreme?