Alex B. How to talk to about TMS with teenagers

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Question

Hello

My 15 year old step son has had a severe recurrence of CFS symptoms after about a year of being well. He first got ill aged 12/13 and was very unwell for about 9-12 months. But his recovery was good - back to normal biking skiing etc - but things have been deteriorating for about 2 months now and it is spiralling.

I originally joined this forum to heal my shoulder - which is going well - but then made the connection to the CFS and TMS.

I really want to have a talk with my step son about TMS and I wondered if there were any teenage friendly resources out there. I am particularly keen that he does not think it is his fault or 'all in his head' which is often peoples knee jerk reaction to this mind-body idea.

Additionally how have you adapted the TMS approach to CFS? I thought a good starting point might be to get him to write down things he is angry about and perhaps develop this over time by asking him to write letters to people involved. Then I thought we could take them out to the garden and burn them.

If you know of any UK based practitioners who work with CFS I would also be grateful for that information.

He feels so easily overwhelmed at the moment that I need to be gentle and would appreciate any guidance from practitioners.

Many many thanks Caroline

 

Answer

Hi Caroline,

Thanks for sharing what you're going through and reaching out. You have a few things going on here so let me address them as best I can.

You write that your step son has been unwell in the past but recovered. Was his previous issue with CFS? What prompted his improvement? As for the current issue: Did anything significant happen a couple of months ago that coincided with the increase in CFS?

I ask these things because they can help us lock on to the root of the issue. As I'm sure you have begun to realize in navigating through the material here on the site, mind-body issues are a symptom of a deeper issue. If we can begin to identify that issue we can shift out focus towards addressing it, thereby alleviating the condition that brings about the symptoms in the first place.

I think it's great that you're concerned with the lad's sense of self and the risk of self-blaming, which can be particularly potent with teenagers. With that in mind, I think you can try talk with him about some of the stuff that might be bothering him in the hope that you can begin get at those underlying struggles that I mentioned above (the ones creating the conditions for mind-body symptoms). The best part is, you don't even necessarily need to make it clear that the two are connected, especially at first. In other words, if you have an idea about what it is that might be bothering him you can simply talk about it together: letter writing, as you mention, can be a very beneficial thing but there are many ways to collaboratively discuss issues. You don't have to make it about the symptoms, especially in the beginning.

Another resource that might be helpful for him is counseling or therapy. I don't know of any UK practitioners that work with CFS specifically, but there resource page on this site has some listing for UK TMS therapists, I believe. If that doesn't work, there are also a number of TMS therapists and coaches that work on Skype. Check out the resources and see what might work for you.

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hello, i was wondering, even if i see that 3 years have passed, if you have found any tips that you might be willing to share about how to deal with TMS related issues, with teenagers? my son is 14 years old and he has started to develop occurring headaches, sort of migraines. it would be great to hear about your experience. thank you! best, Daphna