I'm still unsure why I have TMS?

In essence, I don't know why some of my friends don't have it while I do. while my life is far from perfect I don't have any adverse childhood events and my family is realtively well off. I've done soul searching and I raelly don't know why I have this disorder in the first place. I have ADHD maybe that has something to do with it but idk.

 

Hi leomessi45,

Just curious if you fall into some of the more typical TMS personality types: people pleaser, perfectionist, goodist, overly concerned with what other people think. Or, do gave a difficult time feeling and expressing emotions? Dr. Sarno does an excellent job of explaining all the types of TMS personalities.

 

Personality is more than enough of factor to develop TMS. There are many forms of pressure that are nuanced and cumulative as well. Childhood trauma is not always dramatic like abuse, death or illness of a parent, addiction etc. Sometimes it's "death by a thousand paper cuts" as they say...maybe there were high expectations that were subtly conveyed, or an undercurrent of sibling rivalry and competition, a stressful household where there was a lot of tension ....it could take so many forms.

 

Man ... you took a page right out of my diary. It took me awhile to realize these stressors affected me the way they did ... or that they were even a problem in the first place. But all my adult life I've felt some pain/discomfort being around certain family members and I wasn't sure why. But it's almost exactly what you describe.

 

I would think that with having ADHD you are probably having to tame your natural tendencies to fit in with people/what society dictates a lot of the time?... I don't know how your ADHD manifests itself (and I profess that I don't know a lot about ADHD) but I know that having to sit still when they want to move around, be quiet when they want to talk, not interrupt conversations when that wouldn't be deemed acceptable and having to force themselves to stick to doing tasks that they find tedious are some of the things that a lot of people with ADHD can find extremely difficult. Having to fit in and do what's expected and essentially go against one's nature can be very enraging -- hence TMS. Even when you don't have ADHD you can so often find yourself having to comply with things in life that are stifling and go against the grain and are therefore enraging.

Not saying they will but they could actually (and unfortunately) end up experiencing it at some point in their lives. I was angry and stressed for many years before debilitating symptoms showed up in my body. Leading up to the physical manifestations of TMS, I used to 'anaesthetise' myself from trauma and stress with food -- I 'swallowed' my hurt and rage...Others 'use' alcohol, drugs, etc., to quell their inner rage. To the outside world, to include friends and family, I appeared to be dealing with life okay, but that actually wasn't the case.

Miffybunny mentions trauma as being a cause. This could also include such things as trauma due to, for example, being involved in a road traffic accident - from the shock of the collision to whiplash to more serious injury...and any surgical procedures of any kind are also traumatising, even when having been performed under anaesthesia. Your body could still be in 'flight, fight or freeze' mode due to something that you've forgotten about or dismissed as being minor in the 'great tapestry of one's life' and you should - but actually haven't - got over it...As the title of Dr Bessel van der Kolk's book says, "The Body Keeps The Score".

 

It could be negative mental and emotional habits. Take a look at this TMS questionnaire and see if you have some of these to a high degree that might be contributing to TMS
https://www.fredamir.com/questionnaire

 

Thanks everyone for your replies. I think I am understanding now. You all metninoed that my personailty could potentinally be causing my TMS. That's not to say that my perosnality is bad but it can produce "internal rage" and that causes TMS. My question is how do traits like people pleaser, perfectionist, goodist, overly concerned with what other people think cause TMS. Like aren't these traights good things to some degree

 

While "goodism" is a lovely trait, when a person sacrifices their own needs, preferences, and values, to please another person they are in essence, betraying themselves. Self betrayal causes a tremendous amount of repressed rage and resentment. When we constantly worry about the judgment of others, we are not in a state of self acceptance and people cannot even get to know the real us. It's exhausting and stressful being self conscious and worrying all the time. Perfectionism can be channeled in a healthy way but when it becomes too much, you are in a state of resistance, never accepting what "is", or the present moment. That too will put the brain into fight or flight because it's a form of self bullying. The was out is self compassion.

 

“My question is how do traits like people pleaser, perfectionist, goodist, overly concerned with what other people think cause TMS. Like aren't these traights good things to some degree?”

Excellent question! That is what many of us had to deal with once we learned about TMS.

In moderation and balance they are good traits to have. Let me unpack each one here:

1. People pleaser: if it’s done to the detriment of your own health and happiness, it can create internal anger and rage.

Should you do things to please people? It depends on who’s asking, what is it that they ask, and is it within your limits of your resources.

2. Perfectionist is a person who wants to do EVERYTHING perfectly and if she or he does not, she or he will be severely self-critical. That can create a massive amount of self-directed rage to cause TMS.

Realizing that some things need to be done perfectly to the best of our ability but other things do not, is the first step to reducing perfectionism to a healthy level.

3. Being a goodist when done in moderation and selectively, like perfectionism, is a good trait.

4. Overly concerned about what others think is clearly not good. But certainly we are concerned about it to some degree or another. Same selective approach applies here.

It can take trial and error, learning more on your own, feedback from a friend or family member, or help of a good therapist or coach to find the right balance.

Once you do you will enjoy a much happier, healthier life.

 

People are born with various degrees of sensitivity. Some have very resilient nervous system while others don't. I spent 4-5 months sifting through my family history in search of my rage and gave up, because there was no aha moment. Taking the route of recognizing my hypersensitive nervous system was more productive and eventually worked. Once I learned how to handle my anxieties, I began to heal.

 

Thanks a lot guys this makes perfect sense.