Day 32 Me make a mistake?

My last major mistake was not keeping my snow blower maintained properly. When I went to remove 2 feet of now from the driveway I found a couple of things not working right or at all on the machine. Removing the snow that day (and night) is an experience I will long remember.

How did it make me feel? I was extremely angry with my self. I called myself all kinds of very nasty names. I insulted myself repeatedly. I even would hit myself, throw things and yell. If I ever treated another person as badly as I treat myself for making a mistake they would through me in jail. Small mistakes or big I threat myself horribly. There is no excuse or forgiveness possible for me. Tantrums, screaming, throwing and breaking inanimate objects, rage. My father acted this way when I was a child and it would always scare the hell out of me, now I do it.

I really need to treat myself better, but it happens so fast. By the time I realize how ridiculous I’m behaving the damage is done.

 

Hi MrPositive248,

I understand your clarity about the way you act out on the outer world, and internally on yourself. This is very good to see, and to understand how this fits Dr. Sarno's approach to explain your symptoms. Much progress can be made by simply seeing clearly the connections and knowing the real causes of your symptoms. Without changing your personality.

I also want to say that you might be wrong that "the damage is done." This sounds perhaps like more self-rejection, self-hate, frankly. Instead, I would encourage you to take the time to practice self-compassion for yourself. This can be done after the fact, and helps heal and soothe. While we all act out in the moment, this does not condemn us! We are at heart tender loving beings who often loose our way. I hope you find forgiveness for yourself in whatever way it may arrive!

Andy B

 

I will try to Journal on it somehow or write myself a letter.

 

Forgiving one's self is so important in TMS healing. There are some very good free videos on Youtube
on self compassion and forgiveness. I'm 86 and TMS has taught me more about myself than I ever thought possible. I like myself a lot more and when I think back on my long life, I forgive my shortcomings. I stand pretty tall.