mina

Hello everyone,

In a 'nutshell': I have had back pain for maybe the last twenty plus years, on and off. I would visit a chiropractor once every two or three years and he would put me back on tracks. Then, five years ago, I went on a swimcamp (I was a seasoned long distance swimmer), then I visited my sister-in-law (whom I was meeting for the 1st time and who has fibro). The next thing I remember is that intense left leg pain started about a month after that trip, I had also pain around my left ovary. For a year I litterally visited at least a new physician a week or had a medical whatever you name it (MRI and the likes of it) performed. Nothing was found, I was desperate: pain would strike after the 14th day of my cycle and finish with my periods. It made no sense to me, I saw no link between my leg and my hormones. After almost a year of running around, unable to sit down, I begged a gynecologist to operate me on, which he did though he had made it clear that my leg pain could not be due to endometriosis but I was sure he was wrong. The operation lasted 3 hours, I woke up and the leg pain was still there. I started falling into a depressed state as I couldn't figure out how my life could have taken such a wrong outcome. Prior to this I was a humorous life lover, I loved my job as a teacher, my love life was and had always been hectic but I couldn't care less, what mattered was my swimming!
Months went by, I continued swimming but then, as everyone was telling me to stop, I gave in and stopped. I remeber sinking into depression in January, it was icy outside and I had vertigo, I lost ten kilos within a month and had to go on sick leave as I almost fainted in front of a class one day. So I took anti depressant, started therapy and my suicidal thoughts went away. I went back to work after 2 months, I missed teaching and I couldn't bear being at home in such intense pain. Still, being at work in such intense pain made me a grumpy and unpleasant person to work with, I was extremely aggressive, permanently on edge.
I continued looking for answers, lost a year paying a stupid dentist who said I had TMJ and it could be the cause of my leg pain. At that point I had pain in both legs and had to walk slowly. Little by little I walked slower and slower, stopped being able to hoover my apartment and the icing on the cake was that even standing up was unbearable so I became a sitting teacher....It was extremely hard but I discontinued the anti depressant as I didn't feel depressed any longer and was still on the go go mode, looking for the missing part of the puzzle.
Periods were terribly painful, I had no more days without pain, I could sleep by knocking myself out with sleeping pills plus other stuff such as pregabalin.
I left the Paris region a year ago to live with my partner so I had to change school and went from high school teaching to junior high. I didn't like this change and now I know that next year I will be teaching in yet another different junior high with rough kids. This move was partly due to my condition as I was seeing my health declining I made the decision to stop living alone, it had become too hard, I could do my grocery shopping any more. Apart from teaching and lying down when I came back home, I did absolutely nothing. I had a novel to finish editing that I completely abandonned, life wasn't within me the way it was before, I was living a life of no pleasure, never any pleasure, I was very careful regarding my food, some doctor had convinced me that the state of my gut was part of the problem, that I had grown allergic to a lot of stuff, including cellphone waves...
Needless to say that I had very gloomy insights about my future. I did the Gupta program for a year and a half but though I had some improvement at times, it never lasted.
Then, a friend and fellow FM sufferer told me about FEFT and the coach I started working with recommende the reading of Dr Sarno's book. I read it over two days, after which pain level diminished dramatically until I had bumps on my road, professional ones, they are some of my main stressors.
Anyway, I am on holidays, pretty much convinced I want to take a long sick leave to work on the TMS program, which is a blessing as the book left me in both intense joy (ok, I know what I have) and frustration (I am not sure this is going to be enough to totally cure me). So here I am starting my holidays reading the TMS wiki page, counting my blessings for having it, working again on my novel which I want to self publish.
I have experienced shifts, pain moves, some days are harder than others, I know the road may be long and winding but I am in total acceptance of the diagnosis, I feel lighter and closer to healing than ever.
I must congratulate you if you have had the patience to read this story (which has been shortened as there have been many more events but well, you know...can't tell it all in one go and it is pointless too)
Thanks for reading,
Mina