Gojab

I'm (almost) 60 and classic personality for TMS. Goodism, Perfectionlist, Low Self Esteem which makes me work for more perfection, Driven, Aggressive but Don't Show it. When I first read Sarno's Mindbody Prescription, it was 2010 or 2011 and I have been having strange body pain all over the place. Orthopedists were confused and offered diagnoses from fibromyalgia to Lymes disease. After reading his books, and starting Yoga, that pain went away. But I didn't go far enough. I was still plagued by knee pain which, I thought, was natural based on two major surgeries in my 20s. I developed upper back pain which I attributed to doing a move I shouldn't have in Yoga. As it turns out, anything that could be explained by an injury was fair game for pain. What I didn't realize at the time is that it was all TMS. These injuries that hang around for years and years.
Fast forward to 2017, after a series of difficult personal events (Dad dying, Mom breaking down, new job, new dog, new house, etc. etc.) my back starts to hurt. Again, I can explain this away to working out too hard. I was going for the most challenging Tabata workouts I could find, to try and turn back my aging clock. I was/am fearful of getting old. I tried every drug, supplement, treatment, therapy, shots for my back I could. Nothing worked. I stopped doing all the activities I loved: working out, swimming, dancing, even walking. I was afraid to have sex that it might hurt my back. My life was going downhill. I spent hours on the internet trying to determine how to fix my back pain. I didn't trust any doctor I saw, because the diagnosis always seemed to change based on their specialty. The spine doctor said "your back looks pretty good for someone your age who played sports all his life" and in the next breath said, "but the pain is coming from your back". It didn't make sense. Then Covid put every fear in overdrive because I happen to be a germaphobe.
It wasn't until a friend said, "go back and read Sarno" that I refocused. I realized I had only skimmed the surface of TMS in 2010 and let it creep back in. After I read the book(s) again, it became so clear to me that I had to go all the way with my recovery. I'm going to a therapist, weaning myself off all my crutches, and finding the courage to resume my activities. I think it may be a long road, but I love challenges.