LoLo

I was born in Des Moines IA and I am the youngest of 4. I was an extremely active child. I played Soccer, gymnastics, synchronized swimming and climbed anything in sight. I was FEARLESS. Our upbringing was nothing short of dysfunctional. When I was 5 my parents divorced. My Dad moved out. When I was 8 My mom moved out. My parents took turns staying at the house with us. A lot of the time they were not even around. I had three accidents which required emergency room visits, each time neither of them were home. Neighbors took me in and a parent arrived later. My mom was obsessed with her lover whom was married and my father an alcoholic most likely distressed over my Mothers affair. When I was 12 my mother made a visit to Arizona to escape a emotional and abusive relationship. She attended a workshop given by a man by the name of Dick Sutphen. While at the conference many people encouraged her to drive north and visit Redrock country known today as Sedona, Arizona. When she returned to Iowa she announced to all of us, myself, three older siblings her Parents and my Father we were moving to Sedona This news devastated our beloved grandfather who cherished his grandchildren and was a pillar of strength for all of us.He was more of a father figure to us than our own father.

At age 16 my grandfather was dying of cancer and we returned to Iowa to say our goodbyes. We arrived on a Thursday and on Saturday he took his last breath.I feel grateful to have been part of his passing. It taught me a lot about death. On Tuesday evening I fell ill with a bad stomach ache come Wednesday morning I was in surgery having my appendix removed while the rest of my family members attended my Grandfathers funeral. I was extremely upset I did not get to attend.*

A couple months following our return from Iowa my mother brother and I took a road trip. During the long drive I complained to my mother that my back was aching and it was uncomfortable sitting. Upon our arrival back in Sedona I had my very first visit with a local chiropractor.

At age 22 I had my first child, a beautiful boy "big boy' 9 pounds 10 ounces.
When he was about 6 months old I was putting him down for a nap in our bed and what happened next scared the living s*** out of me . I dropped to my knees then to my my back. The pain was nothing I had ever experienced before. I laid there for at least an hour before I mustered up the courage to stand up. Once again I seeked out the help of a local chiropractor. WIthin a couple weeks I was back to normal.

I nursed my son for 18 months. Within a week after weaning him off my breast, we were traveling in the car and I experienced my first panic attack. I had no idea at the time what this feeling was. I was scared and thought I was dying. I wanted to get out of the car. But then what was I to do? I managed to get over this first episode fairly quickly. It wasnt long before the next attack struck. This time I went to a doctor who prescribed Xanax and Zoloft. The Zoloft only made things worse so I quit within a few days. Xanax helped however I knew it was highly addictive so I chose to use them sparingly.

My Mother looked into my symptoms a bit and purchased a Program called "Change" for me to try out. By this time it may of occurred to her , that my "lack of "support" may have contributed to my situation.This program consisted of literature and cassettes that taught me all about panic disorder. I listened to a tape everyday which was either a muscle relaxtion technique or an imagery meditation. These helped alot. What helped the most was knowing I was not alone, that it was called a panic attack and that I was not dying.
I also seeked out the help of a Naturopath doctor to find out exactly what was going on, his diagnosis was adrenal fatigue . I was given some acupuncture and sent home with a few supplements. I endured many sleepless nights, panic attacks, depression and lack of appetite.
3 years past and I was pregnant again my pregnancy was great as well my labor. I also nursed my daughter for 18 months and the exact same thing happened to me all over again but this time tenfold.

When my children were ages 6 and 4 we made a move from Phoenix to Sedona. Before this happened my neck went out so bad I could not get out of bed. 2 years after living in Sedona I stepped over a puppy gate and strained my back this time it took around 6 weeks for a full recovery. I was active I did Jazzercise three times a week for 2 years and then one day my knee started to hurt. I had an appointment with an orthopedic who told me I had torn meniscus and needed surgery . I had the surgery, I recovered just fine and went back to Jazzercise..

Over the next 5 years my back went out at least three times and my neck about the same. In 1999 my grandmother passed away. I had a panic attack in bed following her service. In 2005 my Mother was diagnosed with Cancer, upon hearing this I had a panic attack. It was different this time because I had my first episode of shaking uncontrollably.
During the course of my mother's year long battle with the disease I began having migraines that were non stop. I also complained of stomach troubles I believe I took on her pain as all of her pain was in her abdomen.She was also a migrainer. My father passed away 6 weeks later. Even though my parents had been divorced since I was age 5 I beleive his undisclosed heart disease got the best of him and he died from a broken heart. In 2009 I finally got my Alcoholic husband to go to AA, in which he did and has been sober for five years, In 2010 my husband and I lost our house to foreclosure, I managed to get through all of this quite easily and was happy to get out of debt and start over. Following this move I did however notice that my back pain was always present the pain level was anywhere between 2 and a 5 it all depended on my activity. Sometimes the pain level fluctuated up to a four depending on how long I would stand or sit. A two hour car ride in a comfortable seat was about all I could handle. The moment I could get out and walk was heavenly. If the chair was wood with no cushion, forget it. When dining in a restaurant I always ask for a booth or a table that has cushioned chairs. I quit wearing heals and only wore the best most comfortable shoes I have many gadgets and devices to help with my back pain and comfort. A tush cush, an inversion table, a very expensive laser, a Sleep number bed, tens unit, Bio Mat,a new Intellibed. Not to mention all the therapies. Chiropractic "at least 15 different ones." Prolotherapy, Prolozone, osteopathic, acupuncture,structural integration and massage. Magnesium oil and baths, hot turpentine and salt packs, DMSO, Sulfur crystals, high doses of turmeric, essential oils, far infrared sauna and heating pad, ice etc.

Two years ago I spoke to a woman who seemed to have a similar history of back pain she told me how she was all better thanks to a laminectomy done at the Laser Spine Center in Scottsdale. The next day I made my appointment. When we arrived at the Laser Spine Center I was so inspired, the facility was beautiful the people were friendly even got a free lunch. I was sure this was going to be the answer to my years of back pain. I was going to get surgery and I was going to be the athletic person I once was.

I was surprised when a chiropractor came into the room and did my exam I guess I expected a surgeon to come and meet me. Or it least come in and confirm the diagnosis. They sent me out for an MRI and did an in-house x-ray. The results were bilateral stenosis, a herniated disc at L4 L5 and degenerative disc disease. They told me I was a great candidate for a laminectomy procedure and when did I want to schedule. They said they didn't take insurance it would have to be self pay and it would be approximately $22,000. I told them I needed a few days to think about it and I would get back to them. I made an appointment for a second opinion he basically told me they were a conservative practice and didn't seem to think surgery was necessary and I should seek out some physical therapy.

I made my appointment with a physical therapist she did an exam and put me on her fancy traction machine. I let her know I had an inversion table at home and that one time I overdid it and was difficult for me to walk upon getting off. She told me she would make sure that the settings were adjusted at a lower setting as it was my first time. She gave me a bell to ring if I needed her. She left me unattended and worked with another client in the other room. I laid there for 10 minutes feeling the stretch and wondering if it was too much. I rang the bell and told her to stop the machine because it was inducing some pain. As the table came back to its neutral position I knew something was not right.
I started to cry and told her I didn't think I could walk. She assisted me to her exam table and put some ice under my back and told me to relax and she would be back in a little while. I went into a full blown panic attack and my body was shaking uncontrollably. I threw the ice pad to the floor and 5 minutes later got up and paced the floor with wobbly legs and spasmed muscles. I did not think I could drive so I called my husband and had him pick me up. it took about 48 hours to get back to where I was prior to going in.

Over the next few weeks I searched the Internet for Low Back Pain help. I came across a online program through The Healthy Back Institute.
All I had to do was take photos of my body front back and both sides and they would be able to see where my muscle imbalances were and give me exercises to perform daily to correct these imbalances. I did this for a while but did not really see any difference.

I decided I would go back and see the doctor who did my Prolotherapy. I remember him saying I had a spine that people would pay $100,000 for and he felt two treatments would be sufficient.
During my search for his number I stumbled upon a new treatment which was similar to Prolotherapy but this was called Prolozone in which they administered ozone gas along with another serum into your back and the ozone would help to proliferate cell grow and stimulate the immune system to target that area once again. I did six sessions of prolozone and got minimal results. I had mild anxiety symptoms following treatment this doctor referred to them as a vasovagal. This term somewhat explained what I had experienced on other occasions. Was the news of my Mother's diagnosis the catalyst for this new tremor sensation to continue everytime a crisis or pain symptom came along ???

At the present time I'm enrolled and have been doing the Egoscue method and see a therapist who does pelvic floor therapy. In the past eight weeks I have hurt my back twice which has taken about three to four weeks to get back to my usual level three pain. It was done simply by lifting my leg over a pillow on the bed and once I healed from that. 10 days later I took on some emotional pain and hurt from our daughter who had just experienced some physical abuse from her boyfriend. I was in our back yard trying to redirect my stress . I pulled a few weeds cautiously and trimmed our rosebush. I sat down for a break and when I stood the all to familiar pain flush took over me. I immediately retreated to our bedroom to try and cope. It wasn't easy . Once again the tremors heart palpitations and pain set in. Boy was I pissed. I am still healing from this episode.It has been slow with a lot more anxiety. My only form of exercise for the past couple years has been walking which is my safe zone. I learned of John Sarno last week and have been listening to the audio books and like some of you have said I see myself on every page. And for the record I'm not new this type of healing work I forgot to mention I did the Healing Codes 5 years ago I've worked with a local chiropractor who calls himself the "Emotional Baggage Dr." As well as a retreat called Freedom from Body Memory.I don't think I fully accepted at those times it truly w as possible that repressed emotions were the reason for my many years of pain. After listening to the audio book I accept the diagnosis of MLT and I am confident I will kick it to the curb. ADIOS MLT.

Thank you for listening, I know it was a long story and some details may sound insignificant, however I feel this story is giant puzzle which is now coming to light. I am open to all feedback and I am thrilled to have found you all. What a great bunch of loving compassionate people you all are I feel the love already.

I feel my personality trait is the worrier, and empath.

Laurel (AKA) LoLo