wendyd

It’s hard to know where to start. I now know that I’ve had TMS from a very early age. When I started kindergarten, I would throw up every day when I got to school. My mother would pick me up and I would stay home, eat Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup and watch tv. One day, my mother picked me up, changed my clothes and took me back to school. She assured me that I wasn’t sick. That was the end of that. If that doesn’t scream TMS, I don’t know what does. I also had seasonal eczema (!) as a child, along with occasional asthma attacks. Those symptoms went away. (?)

When I was going thru a divorce, raising 2 young children, worried about finances and job security, I broke out in hives on my stomach. Itchy hives that lasted for weeks. I finally saw an allergist who tested me and then sat me down to tell me that his opinion was that the hives were stress induced. A week later, the hives were gone. Coincidence? I think not.

Fast forward a few years. The person who I thought was my soul mate left me. I met another man who I got serious with before I had mourned the loss of my prior love. One day I was picking up something heavy and my lower back went ‘ouch’. That was over 15 years ago and my lower back has never been the same. I have had long periods when it has been manageable, but it flares up, usually during times of stress or anger repression (when making large family holiday dinners, for example. Standing on line at a store is another good example). Yet, I can be physically active and I’m ok … or certainly not worse. I learned of Sarno several years ago and immediately related. It helped.

Fast forward again to this past November. Another stressful time for me, this time at work. Details aren’t important, but I woke up one morning with the worst spasms in my butt muscles that I’ve ever felt. I was literally on the floor, crying in pain. I went thru the usual medical testing and my MRI showed those “S” ailments (I can’t spell or pronounce them) in my lumbar region. Then, one of my (college) students asked if I had ever heard of Dr. Sarno. A light bulb went on and I got goose bumps. Of course! It all made so much sense. I dusted off my Sarno book and started reading. Then I found the wiki. I started doing the SEP. Slowly, (VERY slowly) I started to feel relief. Some days were better than other days.

I recently went to Costa Rica for a yoga retreat. I brought along The Great Pain Deception by Steve Ozanich. Great book! While I was there, I felt wonderful. It was the first time I was pretty much pain free. It was exhilarating. I was giddy! It was validation that I am totally on the right track.

The hard part is that when I got back, the pain started up again. It’s discouraging. It’s frustrating. But, I know that this too shall pass. I’m continuing to focus on the things I know to do … meditate, carry on as usual, daily affirmations. I’m trying to figure out what I’m afraid of. I know without a doubt that I have TMS. And, that’s ok. I will get better.