‘It’s all happening!’

You might recognize this line from the fantastic movie called Almost Famous, about a 15-year-old kid in the 70s who covered a mid-level band for Rolling Stone magazine. It was a line they used to say—in effect, “watch this. Dreams are coming true. Special things have come.“It’s all happening.” Well, that’s me right now.

In July 2020, I got the first hint of the 16 symptoms that would soon torture me. They started in my feet and spread throughout my body. I had heard about Sarno in 2017, and had a book cure at the time for a much smaller thing. So, I dug out my book, and I started to read again and work doing the Sarno method— but nothing happened this time.

instead, things got worse. So, I signed up for some very hard hard-core psychotherapy and started working that way. Every week, I was demolished by the therapy— reliving old childhood abuse topics that I had already had therapy for. My anxiety level was going through the roof, and I started having panic attacks —and night terrors, every night. But I persisted because I thought maybe I’ll break through and I’ll get rid of this TMS.

Meanwhile, I joined the forum in March 2024. I came in unable to walk. Unable to roll over in bed. I could hardly lift my arms. I couldn’t get myself a glass of water. Right around that time, I lost the ability to use my hands— so I couldn’t type. I had to stop working. As you can see, things were pretty grim.

I put my head down and started to learn everything I could from the forum. Every morning when I woke up and the depression would wave over me, I would log into the forum and start reading posts. It didn’t matter what symptoms somebody had —everything that they were learning could be applied to me. I started reading the books that were suggested. But honestly, the most valuable thing for me were the comments from veteran TMSers. The little tips of what they had done. Their little words of wisdom slowly started sinking in.

At first I was overwhelmed. There was just so much information and I didn’t know where to focus. I tried various paths, and then ultimately narrowed down to what felt best for me. I journaled every day. I studied every day. It felt like I was getting nowhere. There was literally nothing happening to my body.

Meanwhile, I started opening up. I became vulnerable and told the group things that were bothering me; things I was worried about; people, places and events that tortured me. I started digging through the debris of the explosion that was my life. And I realized that this supersonic mega set of TMS symptoms was the result of years and years of what I would call life mismanagement. It all had added up until one day, the rage burst over the walls, and the monster was out of the cage.

I started making some deep down realizations about people in my life that needed to go because they were hurting me too much. People I loved. I started realizing the traits in my personality that were killing me, despite being such a part of me. Despite being my survival strategy up until that point. My awareness, was getting keener and keener. I was flexing new emotional muscles— saying no to people. Saying what I meant. Figuring out what I meant! Feeling my feelings. It was really a colosal project.

I’ve been ratcheting up the roller coaster one click at a time— never realizing that one day I would actually get to the top and go down. I would be on the fun side of the ride. I honestly feel like I just got to the top and any minute now I’m going to be coming down very very fast! Already changes are coming: but the pre-cursor had to be the internal changes first. I had to get the self-esteem I needed to move forward. I had to get the confidence and the determination.

Big things are happening lately: I’m starting to work around the house. I can stand up longer. And, I’m
committed to exercising and it’s making me stronger—really fast. I didn’t think this was even possible. I’ve gone from 16 symptoms to eight, And I got my hands back!

I can foresee driving fairly soon. I’m going to leave the house with my walker and start rampaging around my community. And then, I’m going to go to a cane for just about five minutes— and finally go back to walking…something I’ve only dreamed of in the last year. I’m going to become a fitness freak.

And I’ll tell you what— I will never ever ever again take my body for granted or my freedom for granted. Life is so beautiful! I’ve been a house cat for the last year, just looking out the window at the woods behind my house, wishing and yearning I could go out.

Thank you, Dr. Sarno! I mean, honestly. I would be a casualty of this war. But instead, I’m going to be a success story and a champion for anyone who’s in pain. Anyone who’s weak and trapped. Anyone who’s on their last shred of hope. I can tell you I have been to the blackest of black pits. And now I am in the light. I just broke through. I know a whole bunch of fun and exciting breakthroughs are coming for me—and much more physical capability I expect to come soon. I will make it so. I know I can, now.

All I can say to myself— and to everyone is: Don’t Give Up. If you don’t give up, you will succeed. It’s possible for everyone. (Even me!)

 

Girl, get your rampage on. I am so, so proud of you!

I cannot wait to hear what you get up to.

My favorite affirmation is: "Setting Boundaries is An Act of Love." And it is! For you and others. Keep going!