Day 28 1 Step Forward, 2 Steps Back

Last week was very humbling for me in terms of my TMS recovery. I thought it would be enough to know what causes my migraines, to pinpoint the stressors and triggers. It was not.

Last week I had major work stress. I was told straight to my face by upper management that I have no value in a certain role. This role was something I used to fight and strive for but not since my migraines have gotten bad. It's just too much pressure for me.

It's funny because it's the first time I didn't cry at work in a horrible situation. I am very sensitive and it's one thing I could not control in the past.

As the conversation was happening, I was very aware that that statement would hurt my ego and my people pleasing personality. I knew as he was talking that it's the worst thing you can say to someone like me is that someone else is doing a better job. I sat calmly and took the information in.

The next day I developed anxiety for 3 days and by the 4th day a migraine and today it's back again.
I thought it would be enough to be aware, think psychologically, do the breathing exercises, stay in the moment.. It certainly was not. I have so much more work to do. I could not stop worrying about the future. I was doing so good and now I'm back a few notches.

Interestingly, today's SEP says:
"At this point, you may be thinking you should be making more progress. You have heard about people having book cures, but you are still struggling. It is easy to ask yourself, what am I doing wrong? But this just your unconscious trying to throw you off track. Recovering from TMS is about overcoming our case of the "shoulds." Don't worry about where you are in your recovery. You are in the right spot, and will get there in your own time. Remember recovery is about gaining Outcome Independence. If you continue to think psychologically about your symptoms, you are not going to worry about the progress you have made. You will be too busy living your life."
Maybe I'm putting to much focus into progress? I knew going in there would be set backs. I must learn and move on. I was thinking psychologically but still I had anxiety and a migraine. Any advice guys?

Thanks,
Ines

 

Hey Ines,
I think it is normal to progress for a while, hit a peak, then regress, then begin progressing again. It's cyclical, just like everything in life. I don't know much about Psychology, but I know a little about Physiology, well, a little about Exercise Physiology. Here's an analogy I tell myself when it comes to progress. Many decades ago, when I began Strength Training and Conditioning for Sports, I made continuous progress. I thought in no time, I would be the best Athlete in school. Well, progress slowed, then I began to regress, because I started working harder and harder concentrating on progress. This caused me to lose sight of "just enjoying the journey" Finally, I started back over (take a few steps back), then I would progress again. It's sort of like Hans Seyle's theory on "Stress", which is true whether it is physical stress or psychological stress. Anyway, my point is this is just a setback. My humble suggestion would be to look inside yourself and see why you value your co-worker's opinion so much that it affects you so emotionally (we all do this, but for different reasons). It's neither right or wrong, we just need to learn to put it in the proper perspective. I say this in hope of helping you understand all of this, but also for myself (I'm writing what I need to be telling myself, as well). Acknowledge where you are, then progress from there at your own pace. No matter how low or high you may feel, you can always progress from there. ENJOY THE JOURNEY!! You're learning more about yourself every day.

 

I just wanted to add that give yourself some time to get over the emotions upper management stimulated. You'll think clearer. Also, if someone compares you to someone else, they have ulterior motives. That's not a good way to improve employees performance. You're doing fine Ines. This is just another learning experience.

 

Hi fbcoach,

Thank you for the advice. I have tried to journal about why I need people to like me so much. It's so hard to figure out. I hope I get some insight one day. I'm trying to be positive and get back to my previous mindset and energy. Thank you so much.

Ines

 

No problem Ines. You will get there. Just try and relax yourself. All the answers will come when you just let it go. Hope you are feeling better.

 

Ines,

May I suggest you soften your approach around progress. If we are not mindful it is easy to take our intensity into our healing and expect too much, too soon. It does get easier, especially as we learn to relax in all senses.

This is a great opportunity to practice self-compassion. It is such an essential tms tool with a learning curve all of its own.

Go gently.

Much love,

Plum x

 

Thanks Plum. I have a big problem with pressure and the inner bully so I do have to work on that every day. It's really hard to manage though. I can't seem to turn it off sometimes. Thank you for your kind advice.

 

Hi, Ines. Your supervisor-boss was cruel and heartless to put you down that way. He obviously has no "people skills."
That's his problem, not yours. It could help you to keep that in mind.

What helps me and a lot of others to relax is meditation. If I haven't posted you about the Relaxation Response, here it is.

Meditation is a time-honored way of relaxing the mind and relieving anxiety, mental stress, headaches, and even physical pain. There are many ways to practice meditation, but many consider the most successful to be a technique called the Relaxation Response (RR).

It is a wonderful way to practice TMS Mindbody Healing because it changes harmful thinking in the subconscious mind which Dr. John Sarno says causes pain that is not caused by anything structural.

The RR, practiced once or twice a day for 10, 15, or 20 minutes has a profound positive effect on the subconscious mind, relieving or curing everything from anxiety, hypertension, headaches, fatigue, nervousness, dizziness, high blood pressure, insomnia, stomach problems, all forms of pain including backaches, abdominal pain, muscle pain, neck, arm, and leg pain, and relieves side affects from cancer and AIDS.

RR is like Transcendental Meditation which is taught by TM specialists who charge hundreds or thousands of dollars. But the RR is free and you can do it yourself.

It is practiced, before a meal, and works best if not practiced within two hours after a meal. I do it in bed before arising in the morning and again in bed before falling sleep. Often, I only do it 5 or 10 minutes and it works to calm me and put me to sleep.

Just sit in a chair (or lie in bed in the morning or at bedtime), close your eyes, don’t listen to any music, and try to avoid outside noises. Let your mind think of a word such as

"One " which has no real meaning or association. Or say a calming word such as “Calm” or “Peace,” or add the faith or spiritual element by saying a favorite religious word or prayer. Breathe naturally or incorporate Deep Breathing by breathing in through the mouth to inflate the stomach, suck in the stomach while holding the breath for a few seconds, then say the word when you exhale through the mouth.

Say the word silently over and over. At the end of the 10 to 20 minutes, picture and feel yourself as you were when you felt your best, and in a place where you felt that way.

When distracting thoughts arise during the RR, as they will, just tell yourself, “Oh, well,” and go back to repeating your chosen word.

My "word" is a prayer: "God loves me and is protecting me." I say it a few times and go right to sleep. If my mind wanders onto other things, I tell myself "Oh, well," and repeat my mantra silently while deep breathing.

There are several free videos on Youtube about the Relaxation Response. I especially recommend these two by Dr. Benson:

 

Hi Walt, I know. Rude guy huh? I have watched these videos and I've been trying this. I am getting better at it and it does help a lot. I need to be more consistent but I do what I can. Thanks for your help. I really appreciate it.