100% Healed

Hi everyone! I would have never believed anyone if they were to tell me that I would to heal from TMS, but here I am... 5 years later, to tell you that I have. Yes 5 years, it's been a long and hard battle. It did not just happen overnight. I worked hard every day to achieve this. Let me just start off with an introduction of who I am and what exactly happened. I feel like most people here will be able to relate to my story, just like how I was able to relate to everyone else who overcame this horrible setback.

I am a 25 year old woman, who started suffering from severe anxiety at the age of 20. It started from a bad decision to try "special brownies" in college. I was never the type of person who does recreational drugs, but I decided to try it one day with my friends. After my first piece, I had my very first panic attack. It was horrible. I felt like I was dying and lost control. I was sent to the hospital. I was embarrassed and ashamed of what I did. Months passed, and I started developing very anxious thoughts. At the time I didn't understand what was going on. From those thoughts, I developed physical sensations. Tingling in the arms, out of body experience, and shortness of breath. The thing that finally ticked it off was when I started having this tingling sensation on the left side of my face. I was so convinced that I was having a stroke or something horrible. I went to the emergency room again. They did a bunch of blood tests, scans and found nothing. Months went by, and the sensation still lingered. I went to see a specialist and he diagnosed me with TMJ. I had to go through all these procedures to fix my jaw, for my "TMJ." I was super angry at myself, for spending so much money on this condition, which, I myself, didn't fully believe I had. But if it meant this weird sensation will go away, then be it. The more I got angry, the more I got anxious.

I started getting full blown panic attacks. The ones that would leave my paralyzed on the ground, trying to grasp a breath of air. It was too much, I had to take a quarter off from college. That quarter, my general anxiety developed into hypochondria. I started having more physical sensations. Pain in my legs, pain in my arms, tingling in my feet, insomnia, pain in my hips, anything you can think of. All symptoms that would lead me in and out of hospitals, accumulating medical bills into the thousands, taking numerous of drugs, while doctors telling me there's nothing wrong with me.

During this whole ordeal, I still had no idea what was going on with me. I was convinced that I had something horrible, and that I was going to die. I sat there in the bathroom alone, contemplating suicide. I reflected on my life, my goals, and what I left unfinished. I realized 1) I would be leaving my friends and family, 2) I only had 1 quarter left of college, until I graduated! It may be silly at the time, but it saved my life. I was determined to at least finish college. I just told myself, you can do it. You can push your way through 3 months, and just get that degree. I enrolled back into college for the last quarter. At the beginning, I would go to class, not getting sleep for up to 3 nights, cause I still had insomnia. But I kept pushing through the pain, pushing through the thoughts in my head, and that summer I graduated. I was so proud of myself, the pain was still there, but I realized maybe I can live with this.

The first crucial part was acceptance. I was no longer fighting it, but I was still determined to end it. From that summer on, I did my research. I started looking into forums, and medical articles to explain my conditions. Eventually I found it. TMS. Everything was explained. Now that I found out what was wrong, I was even more determined to beat it. At this point I was 22. It took me 2 years of horrible panic attacks, sleepless nights, thousands of medical bills, extreme weight loss, and so much pain to realized what was wrong.

Keep in mind I was still in so much physical pain at this time. But these are the things that helped cured me within the 3 years and I hope it will do the same for you:

1) Set Goals: It'll keep you busy. You'll always doing something to preoccupied your thoughts and to better yourself.
2) Stop getting angry: Sleepless nights can be frustrating. "Why, why can't I be normal again? Why is this happening?!" These thoughts will keep you from improving. Just accept things the way they are. "I can't sleep again? It's okay, I'll sleep eventually."
3) Exercise daily: At first it will be scary. Things that hurt, will hurt more. "I am probably making this worse! I should stop!" No, don't stop. Keep pushing yourself, you will see the difference. It doesn't have to be strenuous, you just need to get your blood flowing and enriched with oxygen.
4) Surround yourself with people who love you: There's no better feeling than having people stand by you through tough times. This is a very good time to reevaluate the relationships in your life. Cut away from negativity.
5) Gain knowledge: The more you know about TMS, the better grasp you'll have on yourself. NOTE: Don't get too wrapped up in TMS forums. You want this to be YOUR OWN journey of recovery. Reading other peoples' symptoms or success might deter you away from finding your own success.
6) Ignore the symptoms, love your body: This is very important, and very hard to do. Yes, you feel pain in your hips, but all the medical results came back negative? Keep walking, run if you can. At the end of the day, give yourself a good massage, and remind your body of how much you love it.
7) THE MOST IMPORTANT ADVICE. What's really bothering you?: Like what Dr. Sarno always talk about, the subconscious, the key to all your anger, frustrations and anxiety; the reason for your pain. Before this whole journey, I really thought the "brownies" caused all of this. But I realized, it started it, but it definitely wasn't the cause. I had deeper issues that was just waiting to resurface, the brownie was the outlet. My issue was the death of my father. He passed away tragically, right before I started college. I hid my emotions for the first 3 years of college, then during my last year, the emotions just couldn't be buried anymore. When I finally dealt with all my feelings, and had the chance to fully grieved, that was when I slowly felt the burden lessen. My advice to you, is really figure out what is bothering you. Dig deep into your soul and don't be afraid you bring out your worst emotions. You will cry, you will get angry, symptoms might even get worse, but they will only get better from there.

After 3 years, of constantly practicing all those concepts, my pain lessened. My symptoms would always get worse during the Winter. Every Winter, I would dread it. But it was also my goal for each Winter to get better and better. This Winter I can confidently say, I feel no pain. It's been a long journey, but a set back is only a set back. If I can do it, you can to. If you have any questions, feel free to contact me.

 

Congratulations! I love the part about loving your body. I tend to get angry with my body for not "behaving" like I want it to, but it's a good body, does what it's supposed to do, it keeps on breathing... I should give it the respect it deserves, while at the same time realizing the pain is TMS.

 

This is so uplifting!! Thanks for sharing your story and also the helpful tips. It is taking me quite a while to recover from TMS, so it's really good to hear from someone who also took a few years - but still got there eventually.

 

Thank you so much for sharing your story! I've been walking out my healing for coming up on two years and it CAN be discouraging when you hear about the speedy "book" healings.

And yes, learning to switch my relationship with my body from treating it like an adversary vs. gratitude and love takes a HUGE shift. But slowly, I am seeing the fruits from this. (I remember wishing I could chop off limbs! No more. I practice gratitude when I'm dealing with pain because my mindbody is trying to get my attention.)

 

I'm going to share this very inspiring success story with someone who posted today that they were going to give up.

 

Thank you for sharing your story. Ignore the symptoms, love your body, that really hit me.
In desperation I tend to say "damn limbs, why do you have to act like this" which adds the feeling of alienation towards my own body. It's quite a love hate relationship, your quote just really gave me something to think about, I'll have to stop blaming and start caring.

 

Thank you everyone! I am so happy that this will be able to help anyone who is going through the same thing. It's always great to get through hard times together

 

wow! 3 years of fight...very impressive And I'm got frustrated because of my returned after no pain for few weeks.
Sarno says that its should take 6 weeks...that's why I got nervous, my 6 weeks went away long time ago.
Thank you for your story...Congratulations!
take care!

 

Thank you for the inspiring story: You went through hell, and then it took two years, but it worked! This should give hope to those here who find the going slow and frustrating.

I like this. This is what I did for months at a time. To me this has to do with "individuation," or becoming "more ourselves" which is part of learning about our life in the TMS process. It is similar to

And then there's this piece:

We don't want to do this, quite naturally, but you put it so well. I am so happy for you!!

Question: what kind of help for the emotional work did you get along the way, or did you do it yourself?

Andy B.

 

I am completely impressed and inspired by your story. Thank you so much for sharing it. I love your list of advice.

Enjoy the rest of your pain-free life!

 

Congratulations!
I guess I had what is a book cure with my foot pain, BUT I have so many things little and big going back at least 35 years. I am working the SEP to work on the little things now, and hopefully prevent future big things.

So, when we hear about people getting well quickly from pain, maybe they have alot of stuff they are comfortable with, eye problems, allergies, frequent urination, occational sleeplessness etc.

 

Hello,

This is such a wonderful post. Thank you so much for posting this. I have recently begun my journey and have recently accepted my TMS diagnosis and was very encouraged by what you had to say. Great Job!

 

Hi Andy! It's been a while since I've been back on this forum. I recently received notifications of messages so I logged back in. Now I finally got to read all the posts since. I am so happy that many more people are feeling inspired to overcome TMS. It's been close to a year since I posted this and I can still proudly say that I am 100% healed. To answer your question of whether I got through this on my own or with the help of others, it was definitely both. It took a while for me to truly convince my family and my boyfriend what was really going on. I provided them with knowledge to the situation, sent them links, gave them books. After they truly understood what I was going through, they became the best support I can ever received. But regardless of how difficult it was convincing my family what going on, nothing was as difficult has convincing myself and fully accepting what was going on myself. It's always easier to give someone else advice than take your own. Once I accepted what was truly going on, that was when I made it my full time job to recover from TMS, and I had the support of those who mattered most to me. I hope your journey will be with much love and support.

 

Thanks for sharing so many personal details with us. I have a question for you. Did you recover without the assistance of any meds (anxiety or pain)? I'm not taking anything but an occasional Advil. I've been a longtime anxiety sufferer and have had back pain for about 4 years. I appreciate your thoughts.
Stayfit

 

Thx so much for sharing this u gave me one of those ahhh moments i bookmark you for courage to endure you are a incredible person ..

And you are correct about forums

 

During this whole ordeal, I was placed on multiple drugs, so many I can't remember but I'll list the ones I do remember. I was placed on, Cymbalta, Klonopin, Paxil (depression), Valium & Xanax (anti-anxiety), 1800 mg of Ibuprofen (anti inflammatory), Cyclobezaprine (muscle relaxer), Ambien (insomnia). I kept trying different anti depression drugs because nothing was right for me, some even gave me more suicidal thoughts (cymbalta). The drugs that I took the most was Ambien, Xanax and Ibuprofen. I honestly am surprised I didn't die from overdose, because I took all these various drugs together at some point. But to answer your question to whether these drugs helped me recover, not one bit. None of these drugs helped me. If anything it made me worse. When I was on these drugs, yea it made me feel better, partly because I was either knocked out/asleep or completely numb and out of it. There were so many close call suicide attempts when I was on these drugs, and looking back I can completely understand why. My body was going through hell and back. I knew that I needed to stop taking these drugs if I wanted to heal. The "happiness" that I felt when I was on drugs, was not real, and I did not want to be dependent on drugs to feel happy or normal. I was fine before, and I knew I can be fine again. So contrary to everyone's advice to never quit drugs cold turkey, I did it anyways. Yea it was horrible, yes I did have withdrawal symptoms that lasted for a really long time. But right now, I am sitting here writing this response and I am not dependent on any drug to make me feel happy. The cure to your pain, if it's due to TMS, is not by drugs. It's by daily exercising, eating right, drinking lots of water, and keeping yourself in a positive environment. I had lower intense lower back pain during the whole 5 years. I was told I had multiple disc bulging, and herniated disc (hard to swallow when I am only in my 20s), I saw it with my own eyes too (MRI images)! I honestly thought I was going to be in pain for the rest of my life. But reality is that everyone has bulging/herniated disc AND your body heals itself! I stretch every day, throughout the day to make sure my back doesn't tense up. I have no doubt that you can get rid of your back pain, or anyone else who is suffering from pain due to TMS.

 

hi nguyeq12

Thank you so much for sharing your journey,and tips,
I am so happy for you that you are back to full health,
I one day hope I will be where you are today

best wishes x x

 

Nguyeq12 thanks for your post. Your's is significant to me because you took a long time to heal, but you did heal in the end. My symptoms have been around a very long time and to say I get discouraged is an understatement. I have read too many cases where people heal in a few weeks, then I figure I must not have TMS because my symptoms just hang around and this leads to a downward spiral.

Another issue I have is that Sarno books seem to indicate that if symptoms move around or change then it is TMS. Mine don't - they are stubborn and stay in my legs. The prickly sensation moves around on my legs, but is always on my legs. I guess this paragraph has nothing to do with your post but I just had to write it- venting.

Thanks again and congratulations!

 

It great to hear from someone who also suffered from anxiety, ca I ask did you see a big difference with anxiety? is it gone? did it reduce slowly? . Sorry for the barrage but I have severe paij but what I really struggle with is severe General anxiety disorder being afraid most of the time and it is harder to handle than pain. I have it for 9 years and its exhausts me , it is TMS so what was your experience of its symptoms. Thanx a million it means a lot.

 

2 Years later update, I am doing great! There has been a BIG difference in my anxiety. I wouldn't say that it all completely magically went away. I do still have my moments, and that's why it is important to have someone who is close and who truly understands your anxiety as much as you do. My boyfriend is the person that went through the whole ordeal with me, and he is the person that keeps me grounded when my anxiety acts up. I hope that everyone has at least one person who they can trust and depend on during anxious times. Overall, my anxiety has reduced slowly over time. I completely agree that the anxiety and worry is worse than the pain. I had every symptoms you can imagine, and even till this day my body would still come up with some intense symptoms, but I know that it is just stress when I step back and evaluate what has been happening in my life. My most recent pain was my pelvis, a lot of thoughts went through my mind...gas?...ovarian cyst? Ovarian cancer?! Turns out to be muscle pain...from my overthinking. My body manifests stress in weird ways. When something is actually abnormal, it will show up on your exams/tests.

Last thing I wanted to share, I recently watched the movie Fantastic Beast and there was one quote that stuck with me, "My philosophy is if you worry, you suffer twice." Now I just think to myself, why put myself through the pain of fear when that situation didn't even occur yet. It's definitely a difficult way of thinking, but it is positive thinking and it is a good habit to develop.