Day 1 A Lifetime of Misguidance & "Perfection"

Apologies for the poor grammar, I use voice to text due to my issue being located in my arms.

My entire life I was taught that if things were not perfect then there was more to achieve.Perfection was the pentyl two minutes goalYou must be strived for.This was approached in a weird way and my family, I was homeschooled, Or rather unschooled if you've ever heard that term.

I was an experiment for my mother. Her "special child".Her "Savior" from my father.What makes this especially twisted was that my father was a good man.He provided for us,Treated us with respect and dignity,Did not abuse us etc.

My mother thought that perfection was attainable,And the fact that she didn't have a perfect life must've been a symptom ofMy father's lack of ability to grasp and apply the things that she thought were necessary.This included but was not limited to, Shamanism, meditative retreats, hypnotherapy,Riki Massage,The Sedona method, the release technique, And eventually My mother's own method that she developedAnd believed was the one trueGateway to enlightenment.

All of these things, and it didn't keep her fromBeing so fearful of Her completely normal husband, that she would tell me, her child, that she was afraid if I went to sleepover at my friends house, My father would kill her in her sleep.

Fast forward more than a decade and I am slowly piecing together that perfection is not the goal, it's a delusion. Contentment and the embrace of life's a roller coaster ride, Which has an inevitable ups and downs, is the actual goal.

Apparently my roller coaster ride has brought me here.

I have finished Allen's 21 day program, and found it significantly Helpful in accessing and managingThe intense feelings I didn't even know we're under the surface of my anxiety.Today, I began the 40 day program.

Thank you to everyone who has contributed to this absolutely wonderful resourceFor all of us out there looking for answers.

-BC

 

Hi BC,

I enjoy reading your post describing your learning, which is already quite deep. Congratulations.

I had a client say something to me which I love: "perfection promises so much." Such a deep implied "end game" as you suggest is embedded in our striving for perfection. I think we're looking for safety, love. Your mother's map to "enlightenment" is another facet of this deep need to arrive and feel safe.

Yes. perfection promises, but doesn't deliver! It just "delivers" more efforting. Wonderful to see through this and not "believe what we think."

With all this ---all these deep impressions which we took on to feel safe, can we learn to thrive and love and enjoy this existential uncertainty? I hope so!

Andy

 

This is all beautifully put, and I appreciate the perspective immensely. Thanks Andy