Afraid to Travel

I have a trip booked for this weekend and it just so happens I've been experiencing a major flare-up for the past three weeks. The trip has been planned and booked for months (when I was doing better.) I'm now worried I won't be able to endure the long travel (12 hours by air) and that once I get there I will be no fun to hang out with.

I feel that the added stress and fear surrounding the trip itself is definitely not helping with the pain. I'm just not sure what to do? Should I cancel or push through? I'm sad because I've missed out on so much in my life, but also scared that I won't be able to make it.

 

I am exactly in the same place! Thanksgiving is next week and we are planning on going to our son’s in DC….they are in a new house for over a year which I have yet to see. My symptoms are increasing as the day draws closer…I don’t want to miss out but am fearful I will crash and burn!

 

Hi Ashley
As I read through your dilemma. One feeling cries out. Fear !!!!! . Afraid to fly, afraid to miss out, afraid its just going to be the "no fun with me" . Afraid I am going to set myself back from all the hard work I have done. Afraid I wont make it. TMS is a fear driven syndrome. Try to be mindful of the embodiment of fear in your body. We cant get passed fear with cognitive explanations, no words will assuage your "felt" body and your neural pathways that has years of subconscious practice to manifest your fears as pain. you need to just be self empathetic toward your feelings, hold them without judgement and don't expect any results. I recomend you make a quick read through of Alan's pain recovery program http://go.tmswiki.org/newprogram (Pain Recovery Program) , you can read it quickly. Just go through the fear. and keep your smile on your face. !!!!!!

 

Expectations or really the fear of upcoming expectations are at the center of TMS. We have been programed and driven to fulfill "expectations" and the FEAR that we wont reach them is compositional fuel on the TMS fire.

 

Thank you so much….I am forging ahead because I don’t want to loose this….I’ve lost so much already! I will heed your words…

 

To the OP and EmMQ .

Remember...

If it is a family trip there are deeeep down repressed rages in family dynamics. Sarno always said when a bout seemed to come out of nowhere to look really close...meaning it's not some existential or ontological anger but some undealt with garden variety RAGE concerning family, lovers, close friends. It's someone or something you are "OK" with, but....really aren't.

In Ashley's case, since it's been around for a minute, it may or may not have something to do with the actual trip itself, but it might be good to look at it as a personal field research project. I can't think of anything more rage inducing than modern air travel. i took a trip this year and Did NOT have TMS and almost got some from all of the energy it took me to NOT shout "This is F-ing DUMB" at the top of my lungs....delays, weather, other people and their nineteen pieces of carry-on.

Whenever I am afraid of stuff, which is pretty often, I always make a list and then sit still and ask myself which part of it or part of ME is nervous...sometimes it is just a general anxiety, but usually there is something I haven't looked at close enough.

this is one long journey of learning.

 

Modern air travel? Oh, man. I am due to take a long haul flight soon to see family and friends for the Thanksgiving holiday. I haven’t travelled for the last four years and it’s so much more complicated thanks to COVID. Lots of hoops to jump through. On top of that there are those family-induced rage issues and on top of those a further heap of rage due to a series of very bad decisions I have made in the last year. Inner bully working overtime and keeping me awake all night. It’ll be a miracle if I get on that plane without a major melt down. The other day at the supermarket, the cashier was so busy talking to her colleague that I felt ignored. When the receipt for my purchases was spewed out of the register, I angrily tore it off myself because the cashier was still gassing with her colleague. The look she gave me! I wouldn’t normally do anything like that but it shows how on edge I am right now.

 

Thanks for reaching out! I definitely get not wanting to miss out and also the fear that you feel. That’s where I am - but I’m pushing through and it feels good. I’m still in quite a flare but once I made the decision that I would go and not let anything stop me there was a small shift. I feel empowered. Right now I’m just trying to keep a positive mindset - hopefully you can do the same. There is always the possibility that it will all work out

Best wishes to you on your travels! And enjoy your Thanksgiving and time with you son!!!

 

I understand deeply what it feels like to have lost so much already. My thoughts are with you!

 

You are spot on with the FEAR. I capitalized it because it is a big theme for me and one I struggle with a lot. I will definitely check out Alan’s program.

I did decide late last night that I would just go (feeling really unsure still) but then turned a corner today. While there is still fear, once I made my mind up there was a subtle shift. I’m happy I’m going and I’m just choosing to expect the best. I’m quieting my monkey mind.

Thanks so much for your reply!

 

I am bracing for what it will be like. I haven’t traveled in over two years because of the pandemic. Flare-up aside, it just feels like it will be an assault on the senses. The first time I was on the NYC subway after being in quarantine for so long was quite jarring. I expect the airport around a busy holiday weekend to be quite a treat I’m actually okay with whatever craziness might ensue during travel, it’s just more dealing with the actual pain and not having the comforts of home. I decided today that I’m pushing on and I actually feel quite positive about it. For me the payoff is worth it.

 

Good insights on the family in case EmMQ. For me it’s not family, it’s actually a trip with dear friends. But like you mentioned, my flare-up has been going on for 3 weeks already and I know the exact trigger (it was somewhat traumatic and quite difficult information that I learned) and then the flare-up started a day later.

Anyhow, it’s a good thought to make a list and see what’s really going on beneath the surface. Why am I so scared? At first it was just that I was worried I wouldn’t be able to manage the pain, but what’s the difference if I’m in pain on a plane or at home? At least I’m living my life. Maybe there’s a little more to it.

And you are right, it’s definitely a long journey.

Thanks so much for your reply!