After Great success I feel I am back at the start ..Help

Hi all, I have been away from doing my TMS and mindfulness as I had such amazing success and it has crept back like a dose. I worked really hard last year every night and put in the work during the day with affirmations and self talk . I saw an incredible change with this program and Doctor Schuibner's and reaaly felt the best in years. I was weight lifting with 4 screws in a broken back and doing stuff I never dreamed of. I reduced my drugs by 50% and I flew 13 hours to see my sister in Texas . I had not been there in 20 years as I could not sit for an length of time .I WAS SO GOOD I DID'T NEED PAIN KILLERS ON THE FLIGHT. But then in February I got a bad case of Vertigo and couldn't weight lift and as I had been feeling so good I had'nt done any TMS or mediating I was just living my life. In March my back started up again with gusto , my frequent urination sky rocketed to 30 plus times a day , IBS , grinding and sever anxiety(I suffer from General Anxiety disorder). All my confidence has gone and I am in pain all day but the anxiety is so dreadful I have to take Xanax to work as I panic and now I am starting the menopause its all so overwhelming. I am so tired of it all . I am sitting here tonight because my husband Conor has seen pestering me to start up and we both now see how TMS has been manipulating me to avoid doing the work and starting for weeks.First My printer was not working, then my study was a mess, then I was too tired, too sore , too anxious honestly that mind is so crafty . I started back weight lifing three weeks ago twice a week for 90 mins with my physio and I am lifting 95kg easily again which has given me such confidence and got me on track . I started hiking (see pic) I live in the most beautiful part of Ireland surrounded by green rolling hills and clean air and hig mountains so I am puffing and its hard but I am out on the hills with Conor. And I AM SITTING HERE AND I AM STARTING THE WORK AGAIN. It works and its life changing but I feel low and could do with a metaphorical arm around the shoulder . Do I just start at the beginning? any advice really appreciated

 

Hi Norrie,

Stunning photo!!

I am happy to encourage you, and yet it seems you need little from anyone at this point. You've clearly seen what has happened since you disengaged with TMS practices, you're connecting symptoms to TMS (rather than "thinking physically"), you're re-engaging with TMS work, and you're becoming more active.

Sometimes on the second run through, you may be required to 'dig deeper' in your inquiry, to see your personality or daily patterns more clearly. Or it may be for you, you just re-engage with what already worked, and that is enough.

It may be that your hesitation has to do with your propensity to TMS also. Are you afraid of exploring deeper feelings? Afraid of failing? Or perhaps you just need self-compassion for how hard things have been lately. In any case, it seems you're on your way, and there are good, free programs at the Wiki, to get you going again.

Remember that you didn't fail. Anxiety and TMS are natural human phenomena. I hope you're celebrating that you are digging in again. And know that your previous experience of success is a big boost up. Parts of you know deeply that this works!

Sincerely,

Andy B

 

Norrie
Sounds like you are on the right path. You know how TMS has gotten a hold on you and you are giving back what you need to get going again. Andy's suggestions, (reminders about exploring feelings, self-compassion, fear of failing) are good reminders for all of us. Writing about some or all of this can be cathartic, but good in the long run for your psyche.

Actually, I am inspired to do my own work after reading your saga. I have only just recently started back with my exercise program at the pool. So thank you for your own (inadvertent) encouragement for my TMS conundrum.

BTW, your photo is GREAT. I am impressed that you were able to make this climb and awed by the beautiful scene.
Keep us posted on your progress.

 

Thank you so much, I don't look it but that climb had me sweating and taking lots of breaks. Its two mountains called Coffin & Fancy in Wicklow and the climb is all about getting to the view and the sense of achievement. I am delighted to give you a rev up to get going again we all need each other for support and encouragement.

 

Cheers Andy , yes the view is worth the climb its Ireland at its most beautiful and I live surrounded by those mountains so I am truly blessed. You are so right I have disconnected from my emotions as it is easier and I find that part of the work harder than the exercise, meditation and study . I really have been through the wringer with my Mammy death, my siblings not talking to me and work but I need to find a way to confront the truth that is so easy to just bottle up. My doctor says I live from the head up with no regard for the rest of me physicially and emotionally . I will try to find a way to start it just hard finding a way . I am sure you know the Irish Catholic Guilt and we Irish don't do soft and mushy emotions by nature the attitude is just pull yourself up by your bootstraps. In fact no one would even say they had been to a therapist if they go its crazy . Many thanks , your story is inspiring and I hope to emulate your journey with my own.
go raibh maith agat ... N

 

Hi Norrie,
I get what you're up against to explore yourself more deeply. Yet, if and when you do, there is a great deal of fruit for you. Many with TMS find that it calls them much more deeply into their life! Good luck!
Andy B