Day 2 Anger and Sadness

I asked my husband to help me come up with things that make me angry and sad. Honestly, I don't get angry very often. I really don't. I don't think I'm just repressing it, either. I am truly an optimistic person and I tend to see the good in most situations, or at least the humor. What really bothers me, though, is 1) when I see others being treated unfairly and 2) when I (my actions, motives, etc.) am misunderstood. That second one goes WAY back, too. As a kid, my mom was very strict, and I very rarely did anything wrong. She was always on the lookout for it, though. Not in a mean way, but in a paranoid, watchful way. She was so afraid I would do something that would cause me to have a bad reputation. She wouldn't let my sister and me even say "butt", although she could curse a blue streak when she got upset or flustered. I remember several different occasions when I was singing a song from the radio or repeating something I heard at school (no profanity involved) and she misunderstood me. "WHAAAT DID YOU SAY?!?!" Even after she realized she was wrong, she would tell me not to say/sing that anymore because "somebody might think you said ____".

Along similar lines, some of my angriest times as an adult when I've been accused of being lazy or not doing my job properly, which has only ever happened due to misunderstandings, or a colleague just being a total jerk. I have a HUGE work ethic, and I've always taken great pride in my work, taken fewer breaks than anyone else, etc., so on the handful of occasions that this has happened, my wrath was felt far and wide. Well, in recent years that has been the case. In my early twenties I was too much of a pushover to say anything.

I also can't stand being labelled a "hippie" just because I like to eat healthy and I don't believe in trashing the planet. I dearly love several folks who would fall into that category, but I don't like being labelled. You would never catch me in tie-dye, for instance. Not that there's anything wrong with that, either ;-) This dislike of being pigeonholed into a certain "box" has made me a more open-minded person. I really try to realize that people are multi-faceted.

The things that make me sad pretty much fall into one broad category - suffering. It tears me up to see a human or animal in any kind of physical or emotional pain, neglect, etc. It also breaks my heart to see the earth being treated the way it currently is. For example, oil spills, industrial pollution (sanctioned by the gov't), whatever is causing all the honeybees to die. (I guess this also makes me angry, come to think of it!)

I know I still hold anger and sadness from my past, and I'm working on it, for sure. Honestly, my biggest emotion is fear, and I assume that will be coming up in the program. I could write volumes about fear. I'm already feeling a lot better all around, though, since I learned about Dr. Sarno's work. My husband has noticed a huge difference in me just in the last few days, as have I. I almost feel like a different person. I still have tightness in my problem area (right side, shoulder, arm) but almost no pain whatsoever. I think the tightness is there mainly because I've had pain for so long that my body feels the absence of it (if that makes any sense.)

 

I think that anger is often hidden under sadness. At least it is for me. I am more likely to feel the sadness than the anger. Maybe because sadness is more acceptable?

I was in therapy for awhile, primarily to treat depression. I talked about some of my childhood and current issues. It occurs to me now that many of the things that contributed to the depression were things that should have made me angry, like being bullied at school and the way my parents treated me. But I did not feel the anger, only the sadness.

It is my theory that unless the situation is something where no one could be blamed, like an earthquake or a pet dying of old age, there is probably anger under the sadness.

 

Dr. David Clarke wrote in his book They Can't Find Anything Wrong "children learn to control ther feelings somestimes so effectively they feel almost nothing. These buried emotions can be so strong that the mind must express them through the body if there is no other outlet."

This is me. I didn't know it. I thought I felt it but I don't. Even after going through the program i don't feel anger and don't realize i feel it until i feel pain and/or depression...that is my warning signal that i need to journal. Anger and fear of rejection move in a nanosecond from my mind into my body as pain, anxiety or depression. But now i can manage it.

Welcome to an amazing journey.

 

Wow! I think you both raise valid points that definitely apply to me. I certainly get angry sometimes (just ask my husband, lol!) but it's usually over very quickly. I remember my childhood anger being mixed with frustration and sadness, usually at being misunderstood. (Being shy, I was afraid to speak up, which made it worse.) Just as I've pushed away so many unpleasant memories, I think I probably conditioned myself early on to swallow and bury my anger. I DID have a lot of aches and pains as a kid, and I always worried that they were serious. Looking back, knowing the things I'm learning now, I can see that so many of my problems have just been feeding each other in a weird vicious cycle.

 

Nolagal,
I don't have any advice but I recognize parts of your story in my own. It's currently very difficult for me to feel angry but I used to feel it more as a child especially when I felt my mother was persecuting me. It's still really hard to get at that anger- I think it's the fear that holds it back.

 

One of the TMS traits is violent outbursts. I didn't think i had this trait either but I do. I had forgotten about those violent outbursts like the time I exploded at my Father (4 years ago) because I received no acknowledgement or appreciation from him for the constant care and attention to all detail during a difficut illness he had. He only resented me and ignored me. Of course I was in incredible pain the entire time which i hid from everyone ...then the body started screaming Nooooo because I couldn't.