Day 2 Anger and Sadness

Things That Make Me Angry

My dad

He's loving and caring and I got lucky to have a dad like him, however I do find myself getting angry at him when having a conversation with myself in my head:

• When I was starting my own business, he said it'll never succeed, only people with rich dads can be successful
• After my foot surgery he said that I'll have foot pain for the rest of my life
• My dad bragging about how he trained kung-fu growing up whilst I was overweight growing up... why didn't he help me to not be overweight and to become strong and confident in my body?

Those three events in particular can cause me to explode in anger.


Work

In my 2nd job I felt completely ignored, I was hired as a junior and then no one helped me in any way, I complained to my manager and he just replied that no one helped him, so I should stop complaining.

In my 3rd job I joined as a mid, after two years of being told I need to do xyz to become senior I was told I would never become senior in the company. I felt like I was led on, I felt like they made a fool of me.


Things That Make Me Sad

Fear Of Conflict

I feel that I'm absolutely a coward when it comes to conflict, in reality it's probably a good thing as you never know what the other person is capable of (stabbing, spitting, biting) it's always best to deescalate these situations however it does make me feel less of a man as a result. I tried to resolve this by going to BJJ and Judo, but then I broke my foot doing Judo which resulted in surgery and now this chronic foot pain, I feel like my best bet is to make peace with this.


Will I survive financially?

I've always saved money diligently, preferring to sacrifice on comforts to save more, it's worked out well for me, I own my own place now and I'm financially in a great place. Before I achieved this, the fear was that I'd never be able to afford my own property with house prices increasing faster than salaries. Now that I have achieved it I'm concerned about job security, how AI will change the market and it took me 1.5 years to land a new job.

My fiancé wants us to move to Colombia in 10yrs time, what kind of living can I make over there? I'll have to take a huge cut in salary to work there, will I have to start my own business? Find a remote job? Do I need to continue saving diligently to ensure we can have a good life there in case I can't find a job there?


My physical appearance

Growing up I broke a bone in my arm re-broke it before it fully healed, consequently I was forced to stay indoors at all times (lunch time and playtime) which resulted in gaining weight. I entered secondary school overweight which of course wasn't a great start to adolescence.


Career

I worked extremely hard to get into my current career and materially it has changed my life, but now that I've reached the role of a senior I feel deflated, I've accomplished the thing that I wanted to, now what do I do? I have various ideas to start a business while working full-time


Ai

It's stressful, no one is sure how it will affect the job market, it can't be avoided. The CEO says AI will change our jobs, so you're better of being the ones who define your new jobs rather than it being dictated to you, so I'm working on integrating it into my job and being positive about it.


Negative internal conversations

The conversations I have with myself are like a broken record, the same thoughts circle around and the vast majority of the time they are negative thoughts, not negative towards myself, but negative in general.
Why are they negative as a default? Could they become positive instead?

"To eliminate TMS symptoms, the sufferer needs to become aware of the very feelings he's trying to avoid. And he needs to know--deep down in his gut, not just intellectually--that it's completely OK to experience those feelings. I'll talk about this more in the How to Cure TMS section, but for now I want to emphasize the fact that the sufferer doesn't need to eliminate stress from his life, nor does he need to learn how to "manage" stress through relaxation or breathing techniques. He simply needs to identify and experience the feelings he's trying to avoid."
- https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/back-pain-and-tension-myositis-syndrome-tms.11990/ (Back Pain and Tension Myositis Syndrome (TMS))

"Or even the surgery you had a few years ago? Don't you think that the area should have healed by now?"