Day 37 Anxiety a Problem

Today's ponder question is about self care. Good timing as I feel I am getting too bogged down in the journaling and therapy. A few weeks ago I found out what I believe are my biggest emotional issues currently...repressed anger and resentment at my wife and 4 year old daughter. Prior to that I spent most of my time working on some issues with my brother/parents/work that have been very difficult to deal with. However, I don't think I repressed the emotions as much with those because I am used to being angry/upset in those areas.

However, my home has always been my happy place consciously. So, spending the last few weeks thinking about the negative emotions associated with my wife/daughter that I never let myself feel before is not fun. I seem to have developed anxiety over it. I started feeling anxiety symptoms several months ago, before learning about TMS. They were fleeting. However, the last few weeks, they have been near constant. I know it's a TMS equivalent, but it's hard. I don't want to fight it by thinking about "the rage" when I feel it, because that just fills my head with more reasons I don't like my wife/daughter. I can't keep doing that. I am on edge around my them, and they can upset me very easily. I can tell why I get upset...for example my wife started eating a bunch of snacks five minutes before I was going to serve dinner and I got pissed. In the past, I would have brushed it off. But now, I know I feel unappreciated by her at times, which in turn makes me feel like i'm not a good enough husband, so this hit that right feeling right away. It took me a while to drop it.

I guess I just feel like this is a lot to deal with in the matter of a few weeks. I think I need a break to just focus on the positive things in my life and why I love my family...do some self care, etc. Anybody else have a similar experience where the journaling starts to scare you in regards to how you view certain people/things?

 

Thanks Jan