Day 19 Are you proud of anything, fella?

QTP: Since starting this program have you done anything that makes you proud? Where does this sense of achievement come from?

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Early on in my internship, the back pain was crippling once again. Mid-way through the day, the pain was constant and maybe at a level of 8. I'd wait for the day to end and then rush home and collapse onto my couch. I'd feel scared and dejected, and I even felt like quitting. The first day of my second week I even called out sick. What I really felt was sick with myself.

When I started the SEP, I re-resolved myself to the TMS diagnosis and made it a point to self-sooth and make it through the end of the day in one piece. It took some time, but I'm really proud of myself for fighting through the pain and making progress. It's been a different brand of 'fighting' though, a more positive struggle. I went from wanting to give up and regularly leaving early, to being the last one to go home every single day. It felt like winning and I'm proud of myself for standing up to the pain. The last few years have made me feel like a victim and a quitter. Those feelings clash with most of my earlier life, where I felt like I fought back no matter what. Sometimes it wasn't healthy, but it was better than feeling powerless. It's felt good to be more like my 'old self'. I'm proud of this guy I see everyday in the mirror.

He's alright.

 

That is awesome! Glad to read this tonight!

 

Thats brilliant. My back has wrecked me for years..... and now Im expecting some changes :*)
Leooo