Ashamed

Do feelings of shame over past medical mistreatment pass on their own? Do you have any suggestions on how I could rephrase such experience so I don't feel as guilty?

It's been a long journey for me. About ten years of continuous headache (NDPH). Then 3 months ago I learn about neuroplastic pain, fully commit to the mind-body healing approach, and reduce my headache 80%. There is no question full remission is inevitable, which is nothing short of a miracle for me.

Around year 1 or 2 of my journey I heavily treated for Lyme disease - a year of IV antibiotics and then years of oral antibiotics, and so much money. I am filled with angst just thinking about it, and honestly, I also feel ashamed and kinda stupid. Like I wasted years of my life and of those who supported me. It's a horrible feeling.

I know it is just that - a feeling. I also know that specific thoughts may only be an expression of general anxiety which has arisen in place of headache, so I never buy into these thoughts for more than a moment or two. But damn, shame has punch to it.

Any advice?

 

Probably every one of us who succeeded completely or significantly has had the same feeling at some point. Many people poured a lot of money into useless or even harmful treatments. I was boiling with anger, shame and revenge for quite some time - until I realized that it was not the anger against those greedy doctors or "healers" who took my money, time and energy and made it worse. It was anger against myself. Then I remembered that an important part of the TMS healing is compassion and forgiveness towards oneself, because unresolved anger and shame was what brought me into TMS to begin with.

Thanks to my TMS and the most amazing Dr. Sarno, I learned how to accept myself for who I am. Seeing myself not as superhero or flawless person I am supposed to, but so often fail to be, but a normal person who makes mistakes and learns from those mistakes, and always looks forward into the future.

You will eventually do the same and learn how to forgive yourself. Believe me, life becomes much easier after that! Best of luck to you and congratulations on the amazing progress you have made so far!

 

You can't beat yourself up for any of that because you were doing the best with the knowledge you had at the time and the advice given to you by "experts". Regret is a terrible and corrosive emotion that robs us of the present. I had horrible guilt and shame about many of the things to which I subjected my autistic son , in my desperation to help him. That set the stage for TMS, and guess what? MORE regrets! As @TG957 wrote, self compassion and self forgiveness are the roads out of TMS. Take satisfaction that you are here now and you have the courage to go inward and do this work. It's not for sissies! Give yourself a break and give yourself credit!

 

@TG957 "It was anger against myself". I feel I'll inevitably come to the same conclusion. I really appreciate you sharing.

@miffybunny "You were doing the best with the knowledge you had at the time". This perspective makes me feel less self-critical. Thank you. And yeah this work is really hard. There is a reason the average person never does it unless they absolutely have to.

 

You shouldn't beat your self up for this. We all did the best we could reading advice online, getting advice from our medical providers and following what our parents taught us to do. You were trying to heal yourself just as you are trying to do the same now. Take the good parts of the past and leave the rest behind. Perhaps there was a compassionate healthcare provider you met with? Focus on that person.