Attachment Styles?

Is anyone else familiar with attachment styles? I recently discovered them and took some quizzes to identify my attachment style. I've been reading more about them but my question is... isn't all of this just another version of TMS? I feel angry at myself for taking a quiz, falling into the trap of trying to "figure" something out and labeling myself. To me it feels equal to getting a "formal" medical diagnosis. I have TMS plain and simple. Looking into it more and how you heal each attachment style, many if not all of the concepts mirror TMS work. Healing your inner child, practicing loving kindness to yourself and others, leaning into your fears, EFT, meditation, learning to feel secure and happy within yourself and your body.

I'm on a rant here, but this made me angry/fearful/disappointed today and I'm interested in a discussion.

 

I think TMS work vaguely addresses attachment styles but in its own way - especially with the development of personality traits and fear of abandonment often discussed. I prefer Gabor Mate’s ideas on this because they are gentle, non-blaming, often going back to fetal development.
I think you hit the nail on the head though, don’t worry about it. Use them as aha, moments which can spur some curiosity about things and people in your life. Keep in mind that the inner work is meant to soften your reactions, triggers, personality traits used as distraction etc. In time these things won’t feel like they affect you so much.

 

You are so right. I was thinking about why I felt so triggered by this. I think it made me angry getting caught up in something else and to me that feels like making a mistake (perfectionism) and having just another thing to worry about (realistically I don’t need to worry about it)

 

also … being angry with myself for being angry (lol) which helps me take a step back and give myself love and grace.

 

I was able to recover from TMS without delving into attachment styles or Complex PTSD. But I've found learning about those two areas has helped me with other mental health issues, especially problems with relationships.

 

@Ellen is there any specific book you read & recommend or just general research?

 

Dr. Nicole LePera How to Do the Work. I found this book very helpful.

 

Thank you

 

Is that like the Byron Katie stuff, or is this a new idea.

Yep. I am fundamentally still wired the way I was when I was 6 or 7.
My Father and Nanny died within months of each other when I was 5-6. ...I can remember being 7 and knowing that nothing I ever worked on worked...everything I tried seemed to fail. Everybody goes away.

But that isn't true...But the 'kid' inside still believes that. He just has had a lot of positive experiences in the meantime...but he's never totally shut-up

Every time I do a TMS review no matter how 'now' it looks , it is always colored by that kids voice. Once I can make that connection again? The pain goes away and I am no longer in need of pretending I am different. And I can enjoy the now again...,maybe even better than somebody who hasn't had a dark childhood, because I know how to value the now.

Funny.. I became a painter . I am really good at making things that aren't pretty look amazing!

 

. I became a painter . I am really good at making things that aren't pretty look amazing!

I could have really used your skills lately. I’d probably have far less symptoms right now

 

@HealingMe
What are attachment styles? I’ve never heard of them. (Why are you losing your peace?) You were so chilled out before.

 

Super sad

 

This is different from Byron Katie's the Work, which is sort of a contemporary application of Buddhist principles. How to do the Work is mostly about Complex PTSD, how to recognize its characteristics in ourselves and resolve them. It includes some information on Attachment Styles and how they impact our adult relationships. The concept of C-PTSD is fairly new and not a diagnosis yet included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM V), but is included in the International Classification of Diseases (ICD-10).

 

Deeper discovery of my fears (abandonment and being alone) have me unchilled right now.

Here’s a good article explaining attachment styles: https://psychcentral.com/health/4-attachment-styles-in-relationships (4 Types of Attachment: What's Your Style?)

 

Hugs!

 

Thanks Diana

 

Yes you are right! Definitely have been examining it closely and why it bothered me.

and thank you!