Balance between expressing and letting go of anger

Hi All,

I've been a long time TMSer. I've gone through the program and have been exploring my TMS for about 5 years. The toughest thing I have with is learning to balance when to express my anger and when to let it go. I find that I have a really tough time letting go of my anger. I feel like if I don't express my anger, I will just let it bottle up inside. The anger can be fairly intense as well so letting go seems hard to do.

How do some of you manage this balance?

I've relapsed with some severe back pain and sciatica within the last month due to work being really stressful. I've journaled a lot about the management team and how much they make me angry. I find myself spending a lot of time focusing on the anger because it's so strong. Perhaps I should focus more on how to let go of the anger?

Hope to hear from someone soon,

Thanks,
ikreim2

 

For me the journaling is only effective if I dig deep and ask myself, "why is this (person, event, etc) causing such a strong reaction in me?" This usually leads me to some of my personality traits, unresolved internal conflicts, or early childhood issues. I think it's important when "thinking psychologically" to see that it is how we react to things that causes stress and our emotions, and not those things outside of ourselves. I usually look around and see that most other people in the same situation are not reacting so strongly that it results in TMS. Then I come to understand that it's not the situation but my reaction to it. This awareness usually helps relieve my symptoms and allows me to let go and move on.

 

Thank you so much for your response, Ellen! I think this makes sense. So does that mean I should approach this with two angles? More specifically, 1.) I should dig deeper to understand what's causing my anger that relates to personality traits and my childhood and 2.) Remind myself that I don't have to respond in such an angry way?

 

Hi, ikreim2. I repressed a lot of anger against my boss, a very demanding book publisher who thinks he is a perfectionist and demands that everything I do for him is perfect. I've found him to often be far from perfect but of course can't tell him that. It helped me to not respond with a lot of anger.

I also try to put myself in the shoes of those who make me angry. It often helps me to realize they too have TMS and they lash out at others to relieve their own pressures.

We're supposed to try to live in the present moment and not think about the past or worry about the future. I try to follow that advice all the time and it seems to help, but there are times when I also look forward to something pleasant but unexpected coming tomorrow. It can add some sunshine to an otherwise cloudy day.

 

Yes, also internal conflicts. Becoming aware of the truth allows us to choose a different way. It also removes fear, as we learn to face the true underlying emotions our unconscious brain no longer needs to distract us from them.

All the best to you on your journey...