beating myself up

Surprise suprise. Accute onset today after a really long stretch of no pain or physical ailments.

I quickly tried to unpack what emotional stressors I have been dealing with and the habit changes I've been trying to make that I am yet to be successful with.

10 days ago a family member was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I don't live in the same country and am not sure what the future holds. We just spent Christmas together and then the news came a week later days before my return home.

Other relationships are strained but my biggest issue is with me. I'm pissed off with myself for completely unrelated matters.

I'm angry and I'm not sure how to let it go. I'm not sure of what I'm doing or where I'm going with my life.

Not having an answer being in limbo creates its own angst and issues.

That was today's experience. I know I can work it through. Pull out the journal, take decent walks eat well etc.

Any tips for dealing with self forgiveness helps.

 

Hi, Auklander. As for uncertainty about where you are going with your life, yes, that can cause anxiety and other symptoms.
I think your friend's bad news has made this more important and immediate to you.

Maybe it would be good for you to do some good thinking about what you would like to do now. Make a list. See what may be most important to you. then think about how that might be accomplished.

Regarding self-forgiveness, we just all have to learn to do that. We can just do so much and have to forgive ourselves for not doing more. Maybe try doing some positive things, like being kind or generous to others.

And practice deep breathing and living in the moment and not worrying about tomorrow.

 

One big thing is making yourself understand (and trust me, this is difficult to do) that you are just as the rest of this world - imperfect. Sometimes we expect way too much from ourselves, things that we were never intended to tolerate or to perform, etc. All we can do is learn from past mistakes, not dwell on them. If there is something/someone in your life who keeps bringing things of this nature up then you need to limit your time spent with that person.

 

Thanks guys. I will keep working at it.

 

I have struggled with what I call "replaying the tapes" and being overly critical of my actions. I read about a technique in which you address your 4 year old self, lovingly embrace that child, and encourage her, rather than chastise her. It has helped me to remember that I'm a "person in progress."
Blessings on your journey.