Day 7 Beginning of Outcome independence and other clarity

Day 7, maybe more like a week in this entry for Day7. I have suffered from anxiety for a few years now and since beginning this program and reading a few blogs I have successfully reduced my anxiety and symptoms significantly in 3months. I have more work to do but life is once again liveable.

The other day I had a panic attack. I finally realized what a panic attack really was. Smoke and mirrors, sensations, a false alarm. I rode it out, with a little fear as possible. It was one of those panic attacks that comes out of the blue and hits you with full force. I could never figure out why I had these out of the blue attacks. Earlier that morning I was nervous about some things and I overcame it and became thoroughly invested in my task, I felt fantastic. Then boom, huge panic attack. I realized this was sort of a pattern in the past, feel good over coming some anxiety, become totally invested and boom. Well when I examine Alan Gordon's post about BF Skinner's extinction burst, this makes total sense. Except it's like a microcosm extinction burst. It has all the same requirements except in a much shorter time span.

I rode that out like a champ. I even worked out and said let happen whatever will. It wasn t easy. The sensations were tremendous but that's all it was, sensations. It was like watching a scary movie and being on a roller coaster at the same time. I was shaky and my system was stil sensitized for hours after and even the next morning another could be panic attack, and another at lunch. Every single one of them diffused and ridden out.

I can see the horizon now. I can see how the world hasn't changed at all, it's not the store, or the heat, or the people. It's the fear and perception misattributed to them. I see the link between anxiety and pain and danger signals, very very clearly now.

It feels good to know without a doubt that the outcome is determined by me and my reaction. I will no doubt have some obstacles but I feel something in me saying no more fear. This was its last rid. Because I don't care any more. I've bee. Accommodating my anxiety, skirting around it. Now I say bring it. Sensations sensations. Smoke and mirrors.

I just have to do it over and over again.

 

Thank you for sharing your story. It's great that you were able to connect your experience with the panic attacks as extinction bursts. I don't think I would have put that together and would have just assumed that what I was doing wasn't working. I'm just starting this process (relatively) and get anxious and depressed that my symptoms keep continuing.

I take strength and determination from your post to continue the process. Hopefully I will be able to say "Bring it" soon!

 

These things take time. A year ago I was a mess. The brain likes habit and old habits die hard. Forgive yourself if things don't go perfectly. We need these little hiccups to keep progressing. Ideally we would like it to just be over and done with.

Knowledge that we share on these posts are what help us realize why things happen and make it easier to accept. Remember panic attacks can't actually harm you they are just intense sensations.

Happy healing

 

Jokeysmurf,

I love the description of the panic as smoke and mirrors! Especially in this day of special effects in movies. I don't have panic attacks, but I do have anxiety and I am going to think of this when facing and floating. Thank you!

Lizzy

 

Lizzy, I never had panic attacks before just anxiety. But I realized what panic attacks were, just intense anxiety symptoms. Either way, I didnt have any real tools back when I first had anxiety. Claire Weekes' floating techniques are invaluable also. It takes time but you can overcome.