Day 18 Blowing my Own Horn

Hi Y'all!

My stress levels could have jumped off the scale this week. On Tuesday, mediation failed to let me keep my house here in FL, and I was informed that foreclosure would proceed. It wasn't a shock, and it wasn't traumatic, though it was a bit surprising that the bank was only willing to make the situation worse and not better. They're going to lose a lot of money.

My stepson Bill (the night before mediation) generously offered for my husband and I to move into his home (with our 3 dogs) in Binghamton NY and live there rent free. Hubby and I decided this would be the opportunity to downsize, so we decided to get rid of more than 1/2 our furniture and to really clean out our possessions. We started immediately, cleaning out some clogged kitchen cabinets and a dining room hutch. We had a wildly successful yard sale yesterday where we unexpectedly sold a bunch of furniture and other stuff. More sales will follow but we're off to a good start.

Through it all (after an initial round of tears on Tuesday) I have been pretty calm and organized. I have expressed emotions of fear and overwhelment when they have come up. I have dug deep to see what else may be hiding, but I think I'm OK.

However, with all that said, my TMS has been terrible! My back was spasming last night (even though I only did very light work at the yard sale) and I can hardly walk today. I'm trying to accept that it is what it is, but I'm getting tired of this. How good does my attitude have to get before this backs off? I feel like the poster child for stress management!

 

I'm really sorry about the foreclosure. It totally makes sense that you'd be having TMS pain right now--I think because you are managing the stress so well, having such a good attitude, being positive, you're probably repressing a lot of emotions.

Be kind to yourself.

 

Hi Veronica,

You're probably right, but I'm trying really hard not to repress anything. I sit in the kitchen while my husband makes dinner and share my fears and concerns, the things I'm struggling to let go of, etc. But losing your home probably has some very primal links to the subconscious. At any rate, I keep going, mainly because I have to.

 

Good luck, Patti.

 

Thanks Jan. You're right - rage is the one emotion that I haven't allowed myself. I simply have too much to do in a short period of time, and rage can really use it up.
But I like your idea of writing a letter and will do it, complete with foul language and all that. In the meantime, I may have a physical cause for TMS-like symptoms. Keep an eye out for the post that I'll put up this morning...

Thanks!

 

Hi Patti -

Words cannot express how you must be feeling - so your body will. Just an interesting note to add is related to the clearing of the basement, etc. When I go to clear old stuff in my basement, the back pain starts up again, even when I am not doing that much physical work. I recently realized that it was all of the old stuff that brought back memories of the past that was causing the back pain; our basements are a metaphor for the deeply repressed histories we carry of what is no longer. Maybe that caused your back pain, too. seeing items of earlier days - remnants of old happy memories even- can make you sad and angry inside that you've lost those good days. selling your memories may have been releasing, but perhaps it brought you sadness? Hope all works out well for you and your family. Let us know how you're doing.

 

I just had a significant financial disappointment - just told myself it aint cancer!!

Years back we sold everything but our photo albums so we could travel - we felt so light and happy with nothing to tie us down