Can't get to 100%

I've had on and off "RSI" in my hands, fingers, and wrists for the last 10 months. I'm a programmer and work at the computer a lot during the week. At first it was just a small pain so of course I googled it and read all about RSI. It got immediately worse in the days following it. I used ice, stretched, etc, etc and it never got better until I read Dr. Sarno's books and started doing some of the things he suggested (The divided mind really helped in particular). Earlier in the year, I'd say I was doing very well and was considering writing a success story. However, I cannot seem to get rid of all the pain / discomfort. It has come back, though not as bad as before. I'm still working, exercising and not really limiting my physical activity so all that is great. The tiredness and stiffness in my wrists/hands has persisted even though I'm in higher spirits than when it first started. When I am genuinely happy or excited, the pain seems to go away. However, I can't tell if I'm happy because there's no stiffness/weakness of if there is no stiffness/weakness because I am happy.

side note: Mornings usually are worse

 

I hear ya. Have you written about your feelings about your current job or line of work? Have you tried taking a break from working - not so much for a break from the physical activity - but to explore your feelings about work life? If not do you have a sense of why the pain began? What were the stressors...

When my back pain first started I was working as a massage therapist. I ended up changing careers in part because I thought I had a work induced injury. The pain didn't go away but it lessoned some. It wasn't until years later that I discovered the forum and Sarno's theories. Beginning to pay attention to how I felt in my heart. But I do not regret the career changes.

I am with you in that my pain has lessoned immensely but not entirely gone away --so thank you for posting. It reminded me of my own big stressors at time of onset.
Thanks,

LL

 

Thank you for replying. I've been much less aggressive with work lately in terms of total hours. This isn't because of TMS, but it's because I'm trying to balance my life a little bit more. It's been a year since I graduated college and while I was in college I found tons of ways to spend time on things other than work.

another Side note:
In the past I've had headaches and groin pain that have lasted for months with no doctor explanation. Since my hand issues, I've had almost no headaches ever!

The crazy thing is I know exactly why I have issues with TMS. I'm the youngest of 3 boys and my Dad is an incredibly successful hyper-responsible doctor. He's a great Dad in terms of always being there for me, but he has anxiety and stress issues worse than I do. One of my older brothers is pretty irresponsible and relies on my Dad to take care of a lot of stuff for him (almost 30 and still lives at home, and even asks to crash at my place for extended periods of time when he's in the area), which causes my dad an incredible amount of stress. The other brother is mid 20s and travels the world teaching English to foreign kids and seems to live his life to the fullest. However, his lifestyle isn't sustainable and he still requires financial support from my dad from time to time. I feel like I have this big burden to be the son that meets his parents expectations in terms of supporting myself. I've had my parents tell me that my brothers look up to me now when I grew up looking up to them.

Meanwhile everyone in my extended social network seems to think I live this extravagant sillicon valley lifestyle and that I'm doing extremely well when in reality I feel like I'm depressed most of the time. I don't think its my job that actually gets me down, but rather my lack of life outside my job. For the first time in my life I have freedom to do whatever I want to do yet I don't really know how to use it very well. Dating and relationships have also evaded me since I was senior in high school. I'm decent looking and fit, but man I get stuck in the "friend zone" more than anyone I know.

Even just typing things like this out makes my hands feel better (while typing!).

 

From someone who proceeds you generationally, I can say that trying "to be" anything for your parents isn't possible.

Your Dad made his life and his choices, you should, too. I was always trying to be something for my parents and went around in circles for far too long in jobs that were respectable…but not my thing
.
Unfortunately, it all resulted in unspoken resentment and rage, some at my parents, but.mostly at myself for spending so long "trying."

It will probably help you date if you unhook emotionally from your Dad.
Energy is energy and you may still be giving off a vibe of being your parent's child instead of an independent adult guy, ready for love.
Hope I'm not stepping over the line, since I don't know your situation, but this was so similar to my situation, including siblings who do what they want.

BTW, I've have TMS symptoms most of my life, never realizing so many of them, if not all, were tied into the self-pressure of being something for my parents. H0pe my 2 cents spares you the same.

 

The last part is identical to my back pain.
"However, I can't tell if I'm happy because there's no stiffness/weakness of if there is no stiffness/weakness because I am happy.

side note: Mornings usually are worse"

I feel you. I thought i was the only one in the world that felt like that.

 

Wow what amazing insight you have.

And also what a gift that writing about it and sharing helps lift the pain.

I met my current love out of a mutual interest a shared love of Africa. I would say take a class-- Yoga or Meditation? Metal welding? Dance? French baking? I find it's so nice to have common interests as a way of meeting and then connecting.

As far as your dad goes I totally understand the part of you that feels that way. You want to do your dad a solid by being self reliant. I think that is wonderful and heart warming. Sounds like you really care about him.

But hey the good news is that your full of smarts and work ethic and you may have already outdone yourself. You can relax.

LL

 

I am really lucky. My father and mother put no pressure on me when I started college. The thing is, I doubt either of them thought I would make it through my first year. I fooled them by graduating and becoming a successful newspaper reporter and writer.

But if you feel pressure from your father to succeed, do your best and try not to let it be a monkey on your back. Your father probably has his own monkeys and that could be why he pressures you. Lots of fathers want their sons or daughters to be the successes they never were.

Get a dog and see how it lifts your self-esteem. I have a note on my refrigerator that reminds me... "I want to be the person my dog thinks I am."