Success story: CFS, Hip pain, MRI labral tear, FAI, IBS, Insomnia, eczema, tooth pain & many others

Hey everyone,

First off, like so many others out there, I've had TMS symptoms my entire life. I remember the chronic ear infections and allergies so bad I would have to come home from school, along with a general feeling of insecurity and unease.

When I was in my twenties, the digestive/IBS stuff began. I tried to "fix" it obsessively, which ended up in a new symptom called CFS. The CFS eventually caused me to become bedridden at 29 years old. It got so bad I couldn't converse or understand what people were saying. I got to the point I could only eat two foods: carrot juice and baked potato. I began to hallucinate. I thought I was dying.

I tried the medical route, but this was the mid-80s, and even the diagnosis of CFS was unheard of in the medical community. I became emotionally traumatized by the way doctors and specialists treated me. They didn't know what was happening, leading them to behave less-than-admirable. I finally found one doctor who named my diagnosis as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/Epstein Barr Virus.

I intuited that it was emotionally caused, and I began to get into touch with some deep-seated grief. My mom had passed away at a young age just a few years before, and in the shock of that loss, I had felt numb. It took about a month of feeling the grief of that loss, and I started to feel better. But then I would go out and try and do stuff, and it would return. This cycle lasted several years, but slowly, I felt the effects of those symptoms fading away. But the IBS stuff stuck around.

The insomnia and low-level anxiety began in the early 90's. I didn't know what to do about it. I was a meditator and a spiritual seeker, and I found solace in my practices. The insomnia became severe at times. I think I went about 20 years, never getting a good night's sleep and sometimes going for days without sleep. The IBS also turned into severe constipation at times. This lasted for many years.

During this next twenty-year period, I experienced multiple episodes of intense back pain, sometimes lower back, occasionally mid-back. Sometimes, it would put me down for days, and always, it was "caused" by a simple movement. Sometimes, the neck pain would occur because I "slept wrong."

Another symptom I would like to mention is tooth and gum pain. Because of the ways this pain behaved, I now can see that it was TMS. I would get quite intense sensations all around my mouth, and this caused me to get some unnecessary and expensive dental procedures. This pain lasted years and caused significant gum recession without any physical cause (I always went to the dentist and kept my teeth clean).

Other miscellaneous symptoms that have tried to get my attention are bladder issues (urinary frequency), pudendal neuralgia, intercostal neuralgia, neuropathy (head, feet), sinus infections, blocked ears, and random arm pains. I'm sure I'll think of some more.

The hip pain began in the summer of 2019 when I was experiencing some stress. I still did not know about TMS at the time. It was just a little pinch in the groin. I went to get some physical therapy, but it didn't help. I ignored it and continued my life, which included hiking, backpacking, and skiing.

When Covid hit in 2020, I lost my housing and my job. I tried to sweep all the worry aside and keep going. I was homeless for about six months, staying at friends' houses and housesitting. The pain got much worse about four months into this situation. So, I got an MRI.

The report showed a torn labrum, FAI (impingement), cysts, and edema. The technician who read my report told me my hip was "a mess." I remember feeling a bit traumatized by this diagnosis because I had had a total hip replacement about four years prior. It's interesting to note that the pinching pain in the groin was the same initial pain that I had in the replacement hip.

I went to three Orthopedic surgeons for advice. Two of them advised labral orthoscopic surgery, and the last one said I had years left on that hip and to have fun. I like him the best, so I opted not to have surgery. Instead, I chose to strengthen my hip through a program I found online. I threw myself into this program, spending hours every day trying to get that hip strong! Shortly after this time, I found some housing for myself, and the pain subsided a bit. So, I decided to hike a big trail through the Sierra.

The hip did okay through the hike, but by the end of it (three weeks), it was a bit traumatized again. I limped back home to Colorado only to discover I had to move into a new house again. The pain got worse. It started spreading down the inside of my thigh.

In the next apartment, I felt unsettled and shaky, a low-level anxiety. The pain continued to worsen even though I was still doing my exercises. The pain was now in my groin, inner thigh, quadriceps, knee, shin, and foot. My foot turned purple and turned inwards, and I developed drop-foot. I went to chiropractic, acupuncture, and massage therapy and spent thousands on electric current therapy. But it got to the point where if anyone touched my leg, foot, or hip, I would get shooting electrical shocks of pain down my leg. The pain continued to worsen until it started to spasm unexpectedly. It was during this short period that I had to use a cane, and even then, I could barely take a step. Putting on clothes or doing any chore took an incredible amount of energy. The shakey feelings got terrible. I found myself avoiding everything and everyone.

I grew very dizzy. Looking at the ground, I would see the sidewalk moving in wave-like motions. Sometimes, the tinnitus grew so loud that I couldn't hear.

I hit the bottom. It got dark and horrifying. My emotions hit a downward spiral that would take over. I would cry and cry. I couldn't go on like this. I became suicidal. So, I prayed desperately for help.

Within a day, a friend told me about this website in Australia about pain science and recovery. She didn't know anything about it, though. I was desperate for anything, so I looked it up. It was Lorimer Mosely's site, who is a pain scientist. It was brilliant. And something struck a chord in me. I took his concepts and started doing my research. Everything I found made sense, and the dots began to connect. I found the Curable app and couldn't stop listening to the research, education, and success stories. I learned about Dr. Sarno, somatic tracking, feeling my emotions, and many other new things!

After about two weeks, I joined Dan Buglio's coaching group. The support was great, but I remember feeling so shaky! What was wrong with me? I didn't realize it then, but it was anxiety, which is another mind-body symptom. In Dan's group, I learned more about how to deal with my symptoms and begin to make the moves towards living my life again. With the group's support, I gained the courage to go out and do things. I would go for very short walks with my cane (I was still in tremendous pain), and I even got the courage to go on a road trip down to Arizona. It felt good to get outside and do something that I loved. This was about four months after I found out about TMS. I was still super shaky, and I still had this downward spiral of debilitating emotions that bothered me. I couldn't stop this despair from taking over, and I knew it was keeping my brain in a scared place. After about six months with Dan's group and no reduction in my symptoms, I left the group. I felt confident enough in myself and my knowledge of TMS to move on when things weren't changing.

I started reading Dr. Joe Dispenza in June 2022. I read all the books and began doing the meditations twice a day, and the first thing that disappeared was the emotional downward spiral. This gave me great confidence. I started feeling better and better, and the shakiness began to subside. After six months of doing his work, I could hobble about without the cane. I still had intense sensations, but I knew I felt more and more confident in myself.

During this entire time, I would still remember that MRI in my mind. This would cause a slight doubt that my pain came from TMS. The practitioner's words, "your hip is a mess, " kept haunting me. And so, one day, I decided that my brain caused all my symptoms, and I threw the MRI in the trash. And every time my mind returned to those words, I had to keep re-making the decision.

By the following year, I could go on short hikes. I still looked terrible, and many people would ask me if I hurt myself, but I was determined to show my brain I was safe. The more I moved, the better I felt. The insomnia started to improve, and the constipation lessened. I developed new symptoms- red spots all around my eyes made me look like I had some disease.

But I just kept moving. I could take a little ibuprofen by mid-summer and go on longer hikes. I was aware that the ibuprofen might prolong my recovery, but I knew I needed to get my life back at all costs. I heard live music in the park, danced, and enjoyed myself. I started to feel genuinely happy.

I got a part-time job to be among people again. I was still limping around, and my body was still all crooked, but I stopped caring so much. But there was still an energy in me that wasn't entirely allowing my symptoms to be there. I had not gotten to the point where I did not care. I still wanted them to go away, and so they persisted.

By the fall, I felt moved to take Dr. Howard Schubiner's Freedom from Chronic Pain Practitioner course. And through Hal Greenham, I learned the basics of Internal Family Systems. This was when things began to shift for me. Learning the IFS work, I finally began to give my brain the message that emotions were safe. I started to sense when emotion was under the surface, and I would stop whatever I was doing and get in touch with that younger part that was feeling so unacknowledged. This was powerful.

The more I allowed my emotions, the more I became able to let my symptoms. I started to see the connection. And the deeper I went into myself, the better and more accessible I began to feel. I started to get that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me genuinely! God, but it took a long time!

At the time of writing this story, the sensations in my leg are gone. I can hike up to eight miles with no ibuprofen. I can still get a slight flare afterward, but somatic tracking makes it disappear, along with the knowledge that nothing is wrong with me. The insomnia is gone—I get a full eight hours of sleep every night! The eye spots are gone. I will get slightly dizzy for a moment or two when starting on a hike, but I laugh at it, and it goes away.
I still get a little IBS stuff. I think that because it's the longest-lasting symptom, it may take a while to get it entirely resolved. But I don't care- I eat whatever I want.
Stretching is still a bit of a challenge, especially splits and squats. But I am improving daily, and I enjoy using the PRT to watch the sensation just disappear when I track it. I know I've got this, and if another symptom comes, I've got that, too.

 

Wow! What an amazing story of perseverance and courage! Congratulations!

 

Hi Jan,

yes, thank you! I’m still not familiar with the formatting of posting, and I tried to change the title afterwards, but was unable to.
Please, make it as helpful as possible!

 

@Joima,
Welcome to the wiki! Thank you SO MUCH for sharing your great brave success story! @JanAtheCPA pointed it out to me because of its similarities to mine. I followed much of your same pattern of symptoms, and all the same feelings of despair. I love your determination. You could have so easily given up! And it wasn’t easy. You searched and tried all different methods, even after you found the TMS community. I LOVE how you kicked your cane and eventually hiked! Wow, what an inspiration! I am still battling it out on all levels. I don’t have the hip problem, but I have symptoms that scare me if I let them and I’m recently using a walker from a cane. I have been in IFS psychotherapy for 3 years. (This past week, my therapist and I discovered an exiled part that has been hiding in a closet. She revealed her pain. She’s 4 years old. It was a big breakthrough. I’m still in the aftermath of it.) I’m like you, trying all different methods right now, and relying a lot on this wiki. I have my days that feel hopeless, but other days where I manage to be happy and forget my symptoms for a while. I will be reading your story over and over! Thank you again!

 

Good for you, Diana! For some of us, it just takes more time. But the healing can go so deep. With the IFS work, I have found that the more we free up those exiles and allow them to be the way they are, the more we free up the fear of our symptoms. It came to me that this is a truly magical connection. Trusting that connection, which originates in the limbic brain, the part that sends both the symptom and the emotion, proves that there is a powerful connection there. Once you can fully allow yourself to be, knowing that there is nothing wrong with you, the quicker you will be able to allow your symptoms to be. And you will feel more confident than you ever have in your entire life. You got this!

 

Thank you so much! It’s hard in the thick of it to see all the deeper progress that’s at play, but somewhere deep inside my cocoon, I know I am morphing into a butterfly. How I wish it would go faster sometimes, but as so many have said, it takes as long as it takes. I think there’s always the temptation to think if it takes too long, it won’t happen at all, but your story shows otherwise.

As far as IFS therapy, I know Dr. Schubiner links it to TMS healing. I have been hoping so. It’s been pretty grueling so far. I am going to follow your advice and try to really notice how these parts, as they get the attention they need, can let go of this anxiety and pain they are generating.

I just love your story! I really needed to hear it today. Thank you!

 

What an incredibly inspirational story! You should be so very proud of how far you have come.

Can I ask...did you also have not only sensations but also visible symptoms that you applied the work to? I've had multiple surgeries and my scans actually come back ok other than Chronic inflammation, along with constant redness in the foot and ankle etc. I know deep down that it must be all brained based but I somehow get tricked every time I look down and see it.

Would welcome your thoughts here.

 

Hey @Joel Basist

Yes, I have had many visible symptoms. The eczema was all visible, and it would manifest differently. For a few years, I would get all these pimples on my lower legs in the springtime. They were clearly signs of chronic inflammation, and because I did not know about tms at the time, I would fret about it, and it would last for months. And then the more recent eczema around my eyes (looked terrible!) was clearly tms, and it did clear up completely.

But once I did know about tms, I could apply the knowledge. When my leg was affected by the tms, it made funny lines where the muscle was contracted. I also mentioned how it made my entire pelvis crooked, turning my leg and foot purple. Thankfully, I had seen Dan Buglio's contorted photo of his torso, and I knew that these visible signs were tms.

Another strange symptom that is happening right now is that I have a funny eye. It is the left eye, and it is slightly swollen on the bottom lid. I went and got drops from the Ophthalmologist, which did nothing. When I look in the mirror and show interest in it, it starts to throb a little—very slightly. Sometimes, it goes away completely, and then it returns. And sometimes, my whole eyeball turns red. TMS? It seems like it to me. Inflammation? Definitely. And if there is any stress, the eye gets puffy. This is a symptom imperative, I believe. Thankfully, it is more of an annoyance than anything else.

All this crazy stuff that can happen when tms is active in the brain is amazing! The brain can create anything!

If you are healed from your surgery and you have no other cause for the inflammation and redness, I would decide to treat it like tms. Your scans are clear. Looking for further proof is putting doubt in your brain. Make the decision, and you can't go wrong.

 

Absolutely @JanAtheCPA ! I am truly inspired to see more autoimmune success stories hitting these forums, including RA. And if inflammation has such a strong psychological component to it, we have much hope in treating these long-term conditions.

And congratulations btw, on keeping your symptoms low. That's huge with RA, as I'm sure you know. Have you seen the more recent success story with Dan Buglio? It's a guy diagnosed with RA, and had pretty severe symptoms.

 

Hi, how'd you go with your teeth/gum symptoms and ear infections? My dentist says my cracked teeth aren't the issue and don't need to be fixed for at least a decade. I had a fungal ear infection that was misdiagnosed with a regular ear infection and got put on a month of unnecessary antibiotics until I finally got rediagnosed and got anti fungal drops. Sorry for the long comment and questions. I'm having a tough time with my teeth and it's hard to not think the worst.

 

Hi Jan, you hit the nail on the head. I didn't get very far with the program because I tend to stop things before I even start them. Still seeing Dr. Dakhili and she says I'm making progress slowly but surely. You're right about me searching for that one magic answer or solution and I'm not sure how to stop. I keep reading books, listening to podcasts and scouring the forum for that one answer. I thought that if I could find that one solution, trauma or emotion that I have then I could get better. I'm both stuck and lost.

 

Thanks again for responding.

The main issue I seem to have is that when I remove the doubt and make the decision, when things don't change, I fall back into doubt , and ultimately revert back to the physical.

My question always is....what is the actual work to get the nervous system back into balance in order to heal? Is it constantly reminding yourself that you are safe and that all the sensations and symptoms are TMS? And in turn the subconscious mind will take note and respond?

For me, I really don't have any unresolved emotions. It's just pure frustration that my foot and ankle seems like it just won't heal.

And progress?? TMSers who've been successful suggest you must only measure your progress on your mindset, not the physical outcome. I get this, but at what point do you then expect change, because ultimately, this is the desired outcome.....

 

I've literally done every program there is. I've spoken to Steve O. I've followed Dan Buglio. Been coached by Jim from the Pain Pt. The list goes on. I'm across every piece of information.

I leave all of these forums and coaching sessions understanding what's actually going on.

Then I start asking myself, "now what?".

If I wrote down on paper what I do everyday you wouldn't even think I'm dealing with TMS. I go to the gym every second day, I ride my stationary bike, I run a business, take my kids to their sports, and spend time with my wife and family.

As some of the coaches say, I'm "living my life" as much as I possibly can, yet I'm seeing absolutely no improvement physically.

By no means am I the most intelligent person going around, but I'm certainly able to understand general concepts and explanations........yet I still don't understand what the work is.

I hear terms like letting go, surrender, acceptance etc etc etc.......What is the work?????? I'd run a marathon in excruciating pain if it meant beating this.

The only thing I can grasp, is that if you're meant to live your life despite the sensations etc, that you have to continuously remind yourself that the cause of what's going on is your brain, and if you keep attending to any other thoughts, then respond with that same notion......that nothing is wrong other than an overactive nervous system.....

 

TMS is caused by your brain wanting to keep you from addressing SUBCONSCIOUS rage. It’s subconscious. You are not aware of it. You can’t just “think” of it yourself. THE WORK is getting that out. If you are “willing to run a marathon in excruciating pain” to beat TMS, the marathon will be facing the extreme emotional pain you will feel when you dig this stuff out. Emotional pain heals. So that’s good news. But it hurts pretty bad. Especially if you are in denial. Denial is a very normal common method of protection. “I had a great childhood!” “My marriage is awesome.” People believe all sorts of things because if they saw the truth it would overwhelm them. Your TMS brain is trying to protect you from secrets that are hidden in your subconscious. Some people can dig them out themselves, some need therapy. The harder more painful secrets are hidden deeper. And it isn’t a quick easy job to get them out. Soothing your brain and calming anxiety are only part of this process. As long as your TMS brain thinks you are in danger of scary emotions (the deep secrets) the longer it will keep it up. This is a basic concept in all Sarno’s books. He says some people will need therapy. Maybe you are one. You have really worked hard so far. It’s frustrating to be stuck. I think a lot of us feel that.

A couple things you might like to try: Unlearn Your Pain by Howard Shubiner, MD. He has some exercises in there for addressing inner rage.

Nichole Sachs, a TMS expert and therapist, has a podcast and a book. And a website. She is all about this hardcore journaling that digs really deep. It’s called Journalspeak. She invented it and has healed a lot of people with it.