Chronic pain

I think it’s tempting to think that chronic pain is a condition —kind of like a disease. But it isn’t. It’s an expression. It’s a reaction. It’s your body talking. It’s saying: “Ouch. We’re in trouble.”

Emotion is causing your pain. This is basic Sarno, and should never be forgotten. When you’re in a flare, there’s emotion in you—hiding somewhere. Wanting out.

Chronic pain settles in, yes. It feels permanent and it feels hopeless because what the heck is causing it?

The answer is emotion! I believe with all my heart that my chronic pain is mostly caused by chronic emotional problems. You don’t necessarily have to get rid of the circumstance, or people causing your emotional problems… But you have to stop lying to yourself about them. And you have to change how you react to them, and/or how you deal with them on an ongoing basis.

 

Your insight is spot-on: pain screams rage and fear from these family dynamics. Journaling has helped you, but endless writing about their chaos while nothing changes in their camp? Imo you're spinning wheels—these aren't truly your troubles (just by association). Your son's dangerous drinking is his mess; your other son's meanness is his poison; your sister's narcissism is her issue.

Your life, mind, and body are contorting around them.

Symptoms will quiet when you stop holding your life hostage, tangled up in their issues—wishing things were different. Journal what you want (Europe housesitting?) for joy independent of them and take (baby) steps towards pursing it. Peace isn't theirs to give—it's yours to claim.

 

We TMSers are over thinkers. We can engage in a debate about whether or not our assessment of the state of our lives is objectively awful or if it is all subjective. But I think the issue is that no one can endure the kind of scrutiny our minds impose on ourselves, our lives, our circumstances, our relationships. Our brains are trained to find something wrong so we can fix it or defend against it. But it's impossible to create any kind of lasting peace of mind this way. We are driving ourselves crazy and our bodies are rebelling.

The only way out is to shift your thinking away from all this to something neutral or some creative endeavor. I know how hard it is. I struggle with this daily. Though not easy, it is possible to shift our thinking away from a constant assessment of the state of our lives. What has complicated things in TMS world is that a certain amount of self reflection and self analysis is necessary. But I think we all forget that it needs to be time limited. Nicole Sachs recommends 20 minutes a day and then 10 minutes of meditation. Then STOP. Move on. Live, do, create.

 

spot on Ellen!
Ruminating and then trying to dig into emotions of rumination is just getting on the TMS hamster wheel.
Explore the situation, feel the feels once. Notice the habits of ruminating about a subject two or three times, then begin to redirect the mind. I realized I was constantly just chewing cud and that fed the anxiety.

 

I've had a rough weekend and suffered a bit of a retreat into the medical mindset. I need to get back to assume of the books and practices this week. I think I might switch to Schubiner.

 

Absolutely!

And regarding this, taking the following approach and stance is making a big difference to my well-being and I feel it would likely radically change your life for the better too...

Abstracts from the book '50 Sentences That Make Life Easier' by Karin Kuschik:

"The atmosphere in the Berlin recording studio is frantic. The manager of a well-known folk singer is shouting at the producer and he’s barking back at him. The singer herself appears completely relaxed, sipping her latte. I’m there as the lyricist, and when I ask her how she manages to stay so calm in the midst of all the chaos, she just shrugs and says: ‘I decide who pushes my buttons.’ Wow, what a great line! It’s me who decides?! I immediately resolve to add this sentence to my list of magic mantras. And since then, it’s made my life easier – and those of hundreds of my clients – in wondrous ways."

"To be clear: it’s an illusion to think that circumstances determine how you feel. In reality, the way you feel is and always has been the result of how you, in your very own way, react to those circumstances. If you firmly resolve that from this point on you will decide who or what angers you, you’ll find that you have made a huge step in the right direction."

"Make a deal with yourself, so that your new mantra – ‘I decide who pushes my buttons’ – becomes a part of your mental soundtrack, part of who you are. Because, if it all makes sense to you today but it’s just a fading memory tomorrow, it’s not going to work."

A couple of reviews of the book on amazon:

"Let’s be real: This book doesn’t coddle you.
It calls you out – lovingly, but with zero fluff.
No rambling theories.
No “just journal on it.”
Just 50 sentences that hit like truth bombs – straight to the gut.
This book isn’t here to fix you.
It’s here to remind you who you are – before the noise, before the doubt, before you started shrinking to fit.
Short. Sharp. Soul-level impact.
If you’ve been talking yourself in circles…
read this. Then say it out loud:
“I’m done hiding.”"

"a wonderful little book for recovering people pleasers!"

I totally agree with the latter, one certainly has to do that. I agree with the former too, however, imo (and from personal experience) 'don't necessarily' doesn't apply to sociopaths and to those narcissists whose behaviour is so toxic that one cannot 'grey rock' successfully against them. With them, just deciding not to let them 'push one's buttons' is a health-sapping, Herculean, nigh on impossible task because of their persistence, underhandedness and other extremes they will go to in order to 'push their target's buttons' because pushing others' 'buttons' is their raison d'etre. (I know there are people on these forums who don't agree with me about this - that is, about going 'no contact' - but there are plenty of experts in the field who do.)