Constant 3 years of discomfort but still hopeful

3 years ago after experiencing a highly traumatic time for me. The pandemic scared the hell out of me and for the first time i feared for my life.
I started with left chest & side of the rib pain, i thought it was an heart attack and went the hospital. I had all the tests and they came back ok but the pain & fear just carried on. As time went on the pain spread to both chest pecs, arm pits and ribs. I was tender to touch in places and on another hospital visit i was this time diagnosed with Costochondritis. A mystery inflammation that goes on it’s own apparently, 100’s of people online who have had this condition don’t recover but i was determined not to be one. Strong opinions push towards a structural cause due to a frozen thoracic spine, i came across Howard Schubiner on a podcast and i felt massively excited because deep down the structural issue didn’t make sense.
I brought Dr Sarno’s and Alan Gordon’s book and did the curable app and listened to multiple tms coaches, video’s & podcast.
I’m well educated on the mind body/ tms process. Chest discomfort isn’t a tms condition that is talked about much and when i was looking at success stories I couldn’t really see anything of substance for me. I now know that it’s not important to label your symptoms whilst working on your recovery.
It’s just the way i’am, i needed to see someone with similar symptoms to me recovered.
I have been doing the tms work for over 6 months now somatic tracking, mediation and journaling and i’m still experiencing discomfort everyday. I feel i have good knowledge on the concept but i do struggle to feel emotions which i’m working on.
Don’t get me wrong i have dialled down on my fear and anxiety of the discomfort but the symptoms haven’t changed, the only emotions that i feel are frustration and anger and i struggle to feel how i’m feeling.
I love to exercise and for the last 3 years I haven’t done any chest weights but i did at the gym yesterday and today i’m having a flair up on top of my usual constant symptoms, burning, tingling and stabbing pains all over my chest pecs and ribs.
Sorry for the rant but i have felt low today because of it, i will never give up because i love to many people and me plus i’m truly loved but it’s been a challenging day.
I have got a couple of discovery call coming up with tms coaches which i feel i need.
Can anyone advise me on a good books on how to feel emotions and any other good advise would be appreciated.

 

Hi @Macca:
You were doing OK, and simply had a set back. It happens! Keep up with your work.
More resources are not the answer. That is still searching for the "magic" thing that will help you from the EXTERIOR. Sure, sometimes having a coach can really help you keep on track, nothing wrong with that...but you don't need another book.
Re-read Dr. Sarno.
Do the work he outlines - reaching internally to find your source of anger and rage (which you most likely don't recognize) and own it. See how your thought patterns and personality play into the internal stress you create, and the anger they generate.
You already have some confidence that you are on the right path, but you have to get to doing the hard internal work yourself. Consider that you may simply be resisting getting a bit deeper. Also consider that some methods may not be working for you. Try dropping the somatic tracking and just try the other two.
Books on "how to feel emotions" - trust me, abandon this idea, and look at the books you already have. You are just anxious right now about your physical sensations.
Your anxiety about your body today is a distraction. It makes you think physically, to focus on what is wrong instead of what is going RIGHT.
Can you accept this is just how you are feeling TODAY.
Tomorrow may be a better day.
Remind yourself you BELIEVE that Dr. Schubiner is correct, that he has experience and has seen people recover from this condition so you can trust him. He himself recovered from TMS.

How do you speak to yourself internally? Are you hard on yourself? Are you creating more internal pressure to "feel better"? Do you say things to yourself that scare the holy heck out of you?
You must recognize that the symptoms are only there to scare the holy heck out of you and keep you from thinking PSYCHOLOGICALLY and sometimes, when you start to feel a bit better (physically or emotionally) they can come back with a vengeance... but this is just a phase.

You are doing well, keep going on your journey!

Understand that emotions are PHYSICAL sensations in the body. They can be subtle or strong.
I totally didn't realize I was pushing my emotions away, until a therapist recognized when I was upset and asked me if I felt my throat a bit sore, sensations behind my eyes..then she said I was wanting to cry! I had forgotten this sensation and realized I always push this down. Now when I feel things things I can just say "Sadness" (and cry if I want to).
When I clench my hands and grit my teeth I am often annoyed (angry).
And instead of cutting these sensations off, you simply let your body feel them. They last no more than a minute or two and pass. THINKING them does not work - you must actually feel them.
If you feel them only for one second...then congratulate yourself! You have to train your brain that these sensations and emotions are absolutely OK to feel, so even if you are super angry and pissed off it's all OK and just feel it. Tell your mind that you are safe to feel these things. It actually ends up being pretty funny when you say to yourself "wow, you are awesome because you are so PISSED OFF" !
Know that sometimes it takes time to feel these things. You must give yourself time to feel them. When you journal and come up with emotion just sit there and physically feel it, just sit quietly for a moment and chill with whatever comes up.

 

Hi

thanks for that response i needed it after yesterday.
I was super fed up and because Costochrondritis doesn’t make sense i was just searching for answers.
I have been trying to work on feeling emotions but I’m struggling, i will get there but it will be trial & error.
I felt some relief after writing the post last night so that’s a start.
Today as been a better day though .
I have recently started with right hip pain and headaches as the day goes on but i was expecting this as i dive deeper into the mind body. The fear isn’t bad with these conditions, it’s anything to do with my chest that i struggle to dial down the fear and frustration.

 

wow. hyper vigilance definitely is a hobgoblin
of the TMS work. thanks for reminding me of that.

 

Hi

thanks for your response.

i

Hi

Thank you for your response.
I’m definitely hyper vigilant and notice every unusual sensation in my body.
I have been implementing this mind body/tms for a few months and it’s a slow progress tbh but i trust the process.
Constant stabbing, burning and unusual discomforts in my chest and ribs for over 3 years.
I spoke to a couple of mind body coaches in the uk recently and they have helped massively.
Before i used to look at the pain as just inflammation & pain but now I realise it’s just emotion’s presenting as pain.
I’m still not very good at feeling emotions which i’m working on.
Becoming a Dad (complications with the birth) and then the pandemic hit and i was afraid of everything and i tried to push it all the way.
I thought i had a bad heart even though i had all the tests and then i got diagnosed with Costochrondritis, googled it and the rest was history. I didn’t even realise how stressed i was back then.
My Son was born perfectly and i no longer think about Coronavirus so there is no stress now but I’m constantly thinking about the pain so i’m stuck in that pain cycle.

thanks for all the advice.
I will get better.
one day at a time

Macca