Day 23 Current stressors

I like continuing to think about past and current stressors and how to deal with them. My body does act up in about 10 different ways, but now I see the game we are playing. I always suspected the episodes I was incapacitated had a 100% emotional connection. Basically, I sensed that my body was saying "if you cannot walk and are in pain, you won't have to deal with this". Sad but true.

A lot of concepts are falling into place as I work this program and read Sarno's book. I am being gentle on my body and choosing my activities carefully and based on my enjoyment level of it, rather than because it is a great workout. I still avoid things that place on my lower back, but do this with peace, not regret.

I have also realized that living in a place with extreme athletes has placed a lot of pressure on me. I love to exercise, but at a pace I enjoy and can be efficient at. Finding my own voice in this uber active community has not been easy, but I am doing and no one cares after all. Everyone has a way to relax and some people need a 20 mile run, some need 30 min on the elliptical. We can all get out and move and enjoy it.

 

I understand the peer pressure to push hard athletically. I've had to also take the same approach of doing my own thing, what is right for me, rather than pushing hard just because my friends are. I've found that by taking this attitude, I am surprised what I am capable of. For example, if we are out for a day of riding and I don't put pressure on myself, I am slower in some sections, but much faster in others. Somehow, it more than evens out and I'm finding that I'm performing better overall throughout the day by taking an attitude of patience and understanding with myself and my body when it doesn't want to push. For me, this doesn't mean acquiescing to TMS pain (I call that what it is and put it in its proper place), it means when I feel TMS pain to look at what is going on psychologically. For example, if I'm hurting on a long climb while trying to keep up with the group, I many times realize the anger, frustration, and stress that I'm feeling because I'm trying to stuff down feelings of inadequacy. Put simply, my inner child is pissed off that I'm taking the fun out of this with so much pressure to keep up.

There are many stressors in my life that I've found through journaling. However by taking this approach, I've found that an additional and unnecessary pressure is the one to try so hard while I'm supposed to be having fun.

Adam
Day 25

 

Hi Adam, Thanks so much for your reply. It helps to hear someone experiencing a similar thought process. You are right about by not focusing on performance, you can actually do better. I am capable of a lot physically, and am surprised that if left to my own pace, I always finish and am tougher than I think. Your comment about feeling inadequacy in these moments is spot on and the source of a lot of frustration. I have learned to select hikes and routes that work for me and invite others with to my existing plan. If I hop on one of their adventures, I preface it by saying I might opt out along the way and not to worry at all if I do. I was put in many situations here on skis and hiking where I was out of my scope of abilities and ended up terrified and stressed out. Anyway, you get the gist of it. Those days are behind me as I settle in to a more sane way of growing into this environment.

Thanks again. Appreciate the insight.

Yvette
Day 24!