Dag 1 - 15

Hi everyone,

I came into contact with the 'term TMS' since 3 months ago, and started the structured educational program 3 weeks ago. Today is in day 15.

Briefly explain my problem: young thirties, severe scoliosis, great muscle tension on one side, psoas is also very tight.

Problems:

- After 2 weeks, the program says: I'm starting to recognize the fears that start to cause TMS... But that's not the case for the time being. - I've been meditating for a while but it's hard to do it.. I do it and do it as I should but don't notice any special things.

1: I read on TMS that through the meditating certain things come to mind and these are processed.
2: I read an article on TMS by someone who advised going into the pain while meditating, so that according to him your body will spontaneously tell you what is bothering you

- I do have a good idea for myself which things keep me mentally occupied (acceptance back, physical limitations, being different from the rest, relationship that runs less, wanting to pretend to be different than I am).

(past bullying seems to have been processed, I have written them all down but I can no longer relive the feeling and do not lose sleep over it).

But even though I am aware of them, and I write them in the diary, I notice no change.

My daytime activities are always the same. Work, take a walk in the afternoon, then go back to work, in the evening with the children. Sometimes also work on Saturdays.

Sitting: no pain. Walking/Standing immediate pain (resembling heavy muscle strain).

-I think psychologically, and now try to do that as much as possible. But the curvature (skew) is of course there... Pain has been there for many years (I can hardly remember any other time).

- The underlying issues are not yet visible... How then? Why is meditation not working?

- Pain stays in one place and never shifts.

- Perhaps more importantly: I don't have access to my emotions... I know myself as emotionless (indifferent, hard to love partner = falling in love, never crying). I always stay on the same level...

My body wants to tell me something, but then what?

Thank you in advance for your responses!

 

I think it is difficult to apply TMS when you have a physical abnormality (e.g. scoliosis) that you have been told repeatedly is a cause of your pain. It is hard to overcome this programming. I suggest searching for success stories of people who have scoliosis and have used TMS theory/treatment to overcome their pain. Search on this forum, on Google and YouTube. I have scoliosis but I don't know how severe it is. I have been able to completely recover from TMS symptoms, including a bout of back pain.

I have never found meditation to directly lead to TMS symptom relief. * This is my experience, but there may be others who have found it directly beneficial. I think meditation is helpful in being less reactive emotionally day to day, and in developing our awareness of our thoughts. This awareness creates space to discard untrue or unhelpful thoughts and choose different, new ways of thinking. So it is useful in an overall program of TMS healing.

I have found that for journaling to be effective it has to involve more than just writing down stressful or traumatic past or current events. It needs to lead to insights about thinking, emotional, and behavioral patterns. It can help to see how past experiences and learning are impacting the present. It's like a light bulb turning on, sometimes described as an "a-ha moment", where you now have this new understanding of why certain things are causing you stress and anxiety today.

Probably most significant in what you have written above is your realization that you don't have access to your emotions. This was definitely the case for me. I was repressing my true feelings on a regular basis and was not conscious of them at all. This was a strategy I learned in early childhood, and was hard to undo. Finding a therapist to assist with uncovering your emotions may be helpful. John Sarno's theory of TMS is that the physical pain is developed to distract us from experiencing our emotions that our unconscious has deemed too dangerous to feel. I now am pretty aware of how I'm feeling, and while I can't say I enjoy feeling these emotions on a daily basis, I'm no longer afraid of them and therefore, have no need to repress them. Thus, I have no need for TMS as a distraction.

Wishing you all the best on your healing journey......

* Need to amend this. I have had pain leave while doing a somatic tracking type meditation. However, it was temporary. Still this is very beneficial in showing us how pain can leave when all we have done is change how we're thinking.

 

Thank you Ellen!