Day 1 beginning to accept

I have been dealing with pelvic pain for almost two years. I have had multiple dx's from physicians and physical therapists...vulvodynia, vulvar vestibulitis, posterior femoral cutaneous nerve pain. It was mentioned to me early in the beginning of pain that vulvodynia is a mind/body disorder but at the time I was so distraught I wasn't ready to listen.

During my physical therapy treatment for this pain my PT would notice that my symptoms didn't always match the diagnosis. I also started to notice some inconsistencies in the pain. I started to do some research on the internet about mind/body disorders and came across John Sarno. I started reading the reviews of his books on Amazon but didn't see anything come up about pelvic pain. I continued my research and bought Unlearn your Pain. I contacted Dr. Howard Schrubiner and he confirmed that vulvodynia/pelvic pain is yet another form of TMS. This research led me here. Today I am starting the SEP program. I have had many traumas in my life but have never written about them. I have suffered from anxiety and depression in the past as well. I am honestly a bit nervous to start to journal for what may come up. I have worked hard at trying to forget my past.

I am also working on my total acceptance of TMS. I still have the noise of the doctors and physical therapists in my head. I believe I am getting closer though. I find comfort in reading TMS books. I have also been helped by Dr. Claire Weekes books in the past. I have quite a bit of anxiety over the thought of this program not working but I guess that's part of the total acceptance of TMS.

 

pilatesgirl, Welcome aboard. You stay and do the program, soon you will be getting super results..... I know facing the past is not that great of a thought but if you can journal about it and feel the emotions attached to it without fear or judgement -- then you will be standing up to the things that are causing the pain, your repressed emotions.
You have been taught not to ever go there so you fear to go there, when you finally do you will see those memories are long gone and its your own mind that is bringing them back to you time and time again in a stream of consciousness. Why does the mind bring all off this up to you anyway? Why cant we just repress it and leave it be. Cause its painful emotions that haven't been processed and are still feared, wherever you go there they are -- this is why.
When you stop fearing them and face them for what they are -- past memories with emotions attached to them which create feelings and sensations in your body -- then you will begin to feel the emotions dissipating.
This will take reconditioning so be good to yourself and have compassion. Be patient, and go after the easier repression first if you wish,

Bless you

 

Thanks Herbie,
I appreciate you reading my post. I have quite a few traumas to choose from so the easiest may be a good option for me. It's not surprising that my body would now bring on pain to get my attention. I've had anxiety in my 20's and ocd in my 30's. They don't frighten me any longer. Chronic pain forever?? That is very scary.

 

Pilates girl, welcome. The fact that u have had anxiety & OCD in the past is a very strong indication that what u have now is a mind body disorder.

Can I ask what yr symptoms are if u don't mind?

Wishing u all the best.

Mala

 

Hi Mala,

Currently my symptoms are a prickly and burning sensation on the glute creases and underwear lines. The symptoms move around a bit and can also change sensations. I find them worse with sitting, tight clothing and walking. I have started back to running recently and funny thing is my symptoms are better running than walking. Crazy.

I used to have a burning sensation on the back of the legs and sitting bones but that has been better for a while now. I have also experienced rectal pain that comes and goes. I am still very hypervigalient about my pelvis. I am working on that and being more mindful.

Pilatesgirl

 

Pilatesgirl its not crazy that the pain left or lessened while you ran, cause then you had your thoughts on running more than the structural thoughts.

 

Pilatesgirl,
You are in the right place. One of my most severe MBS/TMS symptoms was pelvic pain syndrome and there was point that I was so desperately ill that I couldn't work and didn't think I'd ever see the end of it. But guess what, it was totally MBS! The symptoms went away completely and only show up if I'm not paying attention.

Right now I'm here because I'm dealing with a new symptom (long story)...but I'm doing Dr. Schrubiner's program through his book and loving it. Also, check out anamsong.com. Abigail went through the exact same thing and is now doing mindbody coaching. Truth be told, I'm having some fear and doubt about my current symptom (chronic daily headaches ), but I can tell you I have absolutely no doubt about Pelvic Pain Syndrome being MBS.

Meadow

 

Thank you Meadow!
It is nice to hear others recover from the same issues. It seems like pelvic pain/vulvodynia has become so common. There are so many women and men suffering from this.

I have also been very ill with this pain. I had to close my
Pilates business and I am currently not employed. I've been on multiple medications including Lyrica which made me feel suicidal. I am currently off all of the them.

What do you mean when you say the symptoms only show up if your not paying attention? Did you have issues with wearing tight clothing? If so, how did you recover from that? I know everyone is different but how long did it take for you to recover?

I'm sorry to hear about your headaches. I have had chronic headaches in the past but they were because of the artificial sweetener in diet soda. I was able to trace the headaches to shortly after I would drink diet soda. Once I cut out the soda the headaches went away. I wish you the best in your recovery. I know how difficult it is with headaches.

Thank you for responding to my post. It's means a lot!

Pilatesgirl

 

Pilatesgirl,
What I mean about not paying attention is when get myself overly stressed and am not realizing it. I'm a stoic personality and tend to just push through and hold things in, until my body tells me to stop. It rarely happens anymore with the P Pain. When it does, I just try to figure out what stressed me out and then the flare will eventually pass.

Things that helped me -
-Stop obsessing about your symptoms. Stop reading the internets, the stuff out there is scary and there are more positive stories that you won't read because those people are not on the boards!! Even with the MB work, don't obsess or try to do it perfectly. In fact, I just did had to give myself this same lecture the other day.
-Do your daily MB work and then go live your life.
-I used to follow a crazy strict diet, but eventually, realized the diet didn't affect me.
-What really helped was when I shifted from focusing on my symptoms to focusing on when I was feeling good. I would write down on a calendar when I had a good hour, or 1/2 day, then good days, then I would have good weeks, then months...eventually, it just passed and I didn't need to do this anymore.
-Also, I did/do treat the pain when it happens, when I can. I have a couple of things that, although not perfect, help. I'm not one who believes that you have to suffer through the pain, that just keeps you in fight or flight. Your goal is to get our of fight or flight so that you can relax your muscles.

That's what's so frustrating about my headaches. I haven't found a med that can touch them, so the pain has a very loud voice. Ugh.

 

Meadow,

Thanks for your post. It was very helpful. I got off all of the pelvic pain support groups a couple weeks ago. The whole internet researching is both good and bad. In the beginning it was terrifying to read the horrible stories and definitely added to my anxiety, but it also helped me figure out what to do next on this path.

I am still a work in progress with obsessing over symptoms. I wonder if it's because of the area being so personal and private? This is still so new and I am slowly learning. Learning to feel your emotions is like learning a new language. I have to give myself permission to feel anger and even happiness. I've felt very uncomfortable in the past when I am with a group of people and had an overwhelming sense of joy. It's almost like it's such a foreign feeling.

I was on crazy diets too. I never found food to affect the pain. I have anxieties with certain clothing, walking and sitting on certain chairs.

Good idea about shift the focus on the good moments, hours/days. I had a good day yesterday. There were more good moments than bad. Writing those down and keeping track. My husband told me to do that months ago.

I hope you can find some releif with the headaches. Maybe the reason the meds aren't working is proof it's mindbody?

Warmly,
pilatesgirl

 

Deep breathing and meditation, and being in the present moment help me with headaches and other symptoms.

If anyone is reluctant to journal, believe me it helped me. Yes, it brought up memories I had suppressed for years,
anxieties from boyhood, but bringing them to the surface was good for me, and I became able to forgive those who caused my
anger and insecurity.

Steve Ozanich says if we're in pain, we should ignore it and do our normal activities. Not think of pain at all.
It worked for him.

Pilatesgirl, don't forget that Dr. Sarno and others say that if we think we're going to be in pain by wearing certain clothes or sitting or standing, we are conditioning ourselves to get the pain. It's not real, but we're causing it to be there.

 

Pilatesgirl welcome,
i have purchased and read every pelvic pain and Interstitial Cystitis book on the market. My last physical therapist suggested i read The Divided Mind. How lucky am I. I read the book and kept feeling a slight relief in pain... boy is that weird. i started walking causciously and carefully. i stopped the PT. I stopped using the foam roller, theracane, etc.

Today I walk 4+ miles each day. i play numerous sports. The depression is gone. My abdomen starts cramping when the fear of diappointing otgers kicks in, the fear of failure, the fear of making a mistake, etc. I just have to work the program; meditation, physical activity, journaling, gratitude, affirmations. You Can Do It too.

 

Thanks Stella!

Thank you for responding! I am doing really well so far. It has been a gradual decrease in symptoms...although
Gone I am getting closer everyday. I think journaling may become something I add to my daily life. I just cancelled my PT appointment this week and will continue to do that if I don't feel like I need it. I think it is WONDERFUL that your pt knew about Sarno and recommended a book to you.

I probably would have saved hundreds of dollars if I new of Sarno's work earlier.

Good luck on the program and continued success!
Pilatesgirl