Day 1 - Hope!

I first injured myself in my 20s (currently 43). I was doing shrugs at the gym and a cute girl began to work out next to me, so obviously, my 20-year-old ape brain thought it was very important to impress this girl by lifting a very heavy weight. It must have looked very impressive as my neck seized up, dropped the weights and walked directly out of the gym.

I figured this injury would heal, just like every other injury. I was young, after all, in good shape, this would all be better in a few weeks. It didn't get better. The pain lasted for years.

I did the usual. I saw a doctor, had images, revealed a severe bulging disc in my neck, and began the traditional medical path or PT, drugs, epidurals, etc. Nothing worked, so I tried alternative treatments, which helped albeit, briefly. I tried acupuncture, acupressure, yoga, tai chi, etc. I got a standing desk, which definitely seemed to help, but I basically had to resign myself to a person that suffered from chronic neck pain. Just take it easy, avoid certain exercises. No longer play the sport I loved, use a standing desk, travel with my own pillow, etc.

Then I had my first child at 37, and my lower back began to hurt. Obviously, children are heavy, they squirm, and obviously, I have a weak body and spine, since I've suffered from pain for many years already. I tried to move on, to enjoy playing with my daughter, but the back pain just got worse. My wife had to do all the lifting, carrying my kids, and I began to feel depressed. Pain started to dominate my thinking, and the pain began to go into my buttocks. Sometimes it was on the left, other times it was on the right. It was debilitating. I couldn't sleep, which made me a bigger grump and a worse dad, which made me feel worse, which made the back pain worse.

No exercise. I would be careful not to do too much because I would injure myself again. Three kids later, the back pain would come more frequently. I would constantly complain, be in pain. It finally got the the point where my wife forced me to get images and figure out how to do something.

More MRIs, more sever herniations on both sides of the spine, a small fracture in the base of my spine (pars defect), and some other abnormalities that the doctors were unsure of. I saw a pain specialist and he said epidurals were my only solution and if those didn't work I would need surgery. That was it. Epidurals or surgery. The first epidural didn't work, and I was beginning to panic and completely lose hope.

Depressed, angry, frustrated, I was beginning to give up. The pain was more regular.

I had Sarnos book on my book shelf for over a decade. I bought it but never read it. My problem was structural, mechanical, a book couldn't heal me. But what other options did I have? And what would it hurt to open the book, watch a few videos on YouTube?

Like most folks here, I went down the rabbit hole fast. At first, my bullshit detector was on high alert, but the more I watched, and the more I read, the more all of this resonated with me. Afterall, the mind is the cause of very visceral experiences in our life. Don't I get a physical reaction when I'm nervous? Can't a really stressful event or moment, create illness? Yes! I've experienced all of those things. So why is this so far fetched? I'm strong. I know my body is strong. My body isn't defected? But I put pressure on myself. So much pressure. This has given me and my family an amazing life, but where does the stress and pressure go? My body is telling me something, has been telling me something.

Finally, after reading and watching Sarno and hearing some amazing stories, I am fully convinced that my body and my back have absolutely nothing wrong. It's my brain. It's all in my brain and has been accumulating, growing, and manifesting for decades.

It may take some time to reverse, but I'm doing to do it! I'm going to get fit again, I'm going to be able to lift up my kids again. I'm going to be free of pain! I'm so excited to take this journey.

Yesterday (day 0) my kids came home and literally asked me why I was happy. I didn't even realize how unhappy I must appear to my kids all the time, but they noticed. I don't want to saddle them with that? I don't want them to see a depressed man. I know this is more pressure on myself, but I know now that I don't need to let this pressure create more pain for me. I can acknowledge this, let go, and work on healing. I'm so grateful. Day 1 here we go!