Day 1- How it’s going

Hi! I am a 32 years old and I have been dealing with chronic pain for the better part of 2 years now. One day, seemingly out of the blue, I started feeling this nagging pain behind my left knee. I hadn’t done anything different and I assumed it would go away with time. Wrong…over the next year I began developing severe and persistent pain down the side of my left leg. I had taken a couple of minor falls and I figured that had created or only made my issue worse. A few days after the pain started, I had seen my primary doctor who ordered an ultrasound to rule out blood cots. That test came back normal. A few weeks later, I saw a different doctor who took an X-ray of my knee and indicated that it was normal. The next natural step was to get an MRI of my left knee. The results were that I had a probable medial meniscus tear with a small adjacent parameniscal cyst. I thought surely this was the cause of my pain and I began treatments which included physical therapy, steroid injections, and eventually a left knee surgery to repair my meniscus. After surgery, I was debriefed that I had no meniscal tear and the most they could do for me was to clear out scar tissue. Prior to knee surgery, I also began to think I was having sciatic pain because the pain was now in my lower back, left buttock, behind my left knee, and down the side of my left calf. What follows is 3 more X-rays and MRIs of my left leg, back, and hips. All came back normal except some minor disc degeneration in L3/L4 and minimal facet hypertrophy at L4/L5 and L5/S1. I was assured by a spine specialist that my back results were not likely to be causing my leg pain. I was referred to a pain management specialist and a neurologist and dismissed. I began seeing more specialists to rule out other diagnoses by means of blood work and imaging. I started seeing another specialist who is comprehensive in nature and she ultimately referred me to a neuromuscular neurologist to rule out any nerve issues. I most recently had an EMG and that came back normal as well. Additionally, over the last two years I have tried everything under the sun including chiropractic, traditional Chinese acupuncture, physical therapy, dry needling. After all of this testing, my primary care doctor is the second to refer me to a pain management specialist. I simply do not want to go down that road and I have felt at my absolute wits end.

I read the entire book in 2 days and so much of it resonated with me. I have had no short supply of trauma during my lifetime. And even with that, I am slow to anger. I feel things very deeply but I learned from an early age that anger was not an emotion I could outwardly express to others. I’ve internalized it instead and directed it inwards. I have a background in psychology so I don’t at all have an issue accepting the premise on a conscious level. What I struggle with appears to be subconscious because I carry a lot of fears of never getting or feeling better. Even though I’ve felt entirely failed by the healthcare and medical system, this very real pain that I live with daily drives me to think there has to be some physical explanation for this pain that persists. I am so much less active than I used to be and I do fear doing certain activities for fear of causing more pain. And as time has gone on, the pain that was once behind my knee, is now down my leg, in my left shoulder blade, sometimes my ankle, sometimes my buttock, and occasionally a lot of my back. It truly makes me feel like there is something wrong with me. I am doing my best to process all of the information in the book and to begin applying it. This is my first step in sharing my journey. I truly hope to accept and embrace these teachings, be rid of this chronic pain, and to feel like a normal human being again. This pain has affected so many aspects of my life for so long now and I don’t want to give it that power anymore. Whew, that was incredibly long. Thank you for bearing with me through that.