Day 1... into the rabbit hole.

Where do I begin. Well guess I can use this like AA would... Hi, I'm Aaron and I have TMS. It's a weird thing to write, or maybe it's more the acceptance. I've had CPPS (chronic pelvic pain) that stems from nerves in my lower back for over 3 years now. Started out as a prostate infection my ex-fiance gave me, f*c$^!!wh@r$, but that was quickly cleared by anti-biotics. Then the pain returned as me and my ex were breaking up once again. After that I was poked and prodded until a dr, checking my bladder, gave me a staph infection that turned MRSA in my prostate. Fantastic. Least it was validation that something was physically wrong with me. But their was a problem, no matter what anti-biotics I took, the infection wouldn't go away. Finally after every dr gave up on me I found nutrition as a way to starve the MRSA. I did an alkaline cleanse from Dr. Robert Young for 9 months. In that time I got rid of the MRSA and found a new passion for food and nutrition. After a little less than a year I was completely pain free. After about 3 months of virtually being pain free, the dreaded sting slowly returned to my prostate. It came back full force and decimated me. Got advise from some horrid doctors and was put back on anti-biotics again. Didn't work. Than I found a physical therapist who worked with what he called CPPS. With his evaluation I found my pain to actually be caused by nerve damage in my lower back. These nerves got stuck in a pain cycle from the original infection. It echoed the pain and was stuck in a vicious loop. As soon as I had my first visit with the physical therapist, my pain stopped for almost 2 weeks. I thought I found the answer. FINALLY! With spinal manipulation and exercise, I felt better. But then of course, like clockwork, my pain returned. For the last year I've been working with my physical therapist, who is costing me a fortune by the way, and a new dr that broched a new concept to me. He believes that the pain is in what he calls, "headmind." That by repressing emotions from the past, I cause my own pain. It took me a while to grasp this but I agreed. Not whole heartedly but I do see the possibility. So I've been working with this new Dr and my PT. Always adjusting my diet to eat super anti-inflamatory. But I still get flare ups that dibilitate me from normal life and activities.

So, my bosses wife actually bought me Dr.Sarno's book "The Mindbody Perscription" a while back. I picked it up this weekend and started to read. Everything rang so true with me. My repressed anger towards my ex, my father and my general place in life has been eating at me for a long time. So I'm here today, starting the TMS program. Accepting that it is my mind creating this pain to stop me from experiencing these hurtful emotions I've been carrying onto for so long. Today I am hopeful that I can take back control of my own mind. That I can accept that I've been manifesting my own pain for years. That I can stop it. I'm extremely thankful for Dr. Sarno's work and this support network. I will be combing this forum and absorbing everything I can from your experiences. If anyone has any other helpful tips, I am open and thankful. Sincerely thankful...

 

Welcome Aaron,
You have taken quite a journey to get here. I think you will find this to be a major new journey in your life with thought provoking articles and exercises to give you insight into your mind and life. I look forward to hearing from you.

 

Yeah, it's been a roller coster ride, but I'm ready to get off. Ready to feel and finally be pain free. Thank you Stella. I look forward to engaging with the forum.