Day 1: I've been healed before

Hi all,

So a number of years ago I had pain in my shoulder blades for about two years before stumbling on the book 'Healing Back Pain' by Dr. Sarno. In 18 days of the structured educational forum, I was pain free, which was a miracle. Sometimes the pain would come back but I'd do a refresher course on TMS and be fine.

This time however, the pain has focused itself on my knees and feet. Earlier this year, after an extremely stressful semester at my masters program- when I say extremely I mean 1o000% one of the hardest experiences ever, we were doing a class exercise of jumping in the air and landing on our toes, and I injured my big toe. I think i walked away from that class fine and TMS was given to me a few days to relate it to that injury- now that I think about it, but first the pain was in my knee then my toe. For years on and off I've had problems in my knees whenever I'd run and had actually given up running a year prior.

Anyway, the prognosis on the toe was seismoditis. From Feb till November, I walked in shoes in the house- felt pain when I walked barefoot, and was going to do surgery after talking to about five doctors. Then. after being introduced to Andrew Wommack, reading Tony Myers books and praying over myself-I am completely healed. Yup. I can walk barefoot, I can stand in the hot shower with no swelling to my toes- I chose to receive my healing; language that only someone who goes and studies these resources will understand.

Anyway, since my healing my knees have not let up. After prayer I was led back to this TMS site, because according to the Bible, and my faith, I am healed, so I didn't understand why I still have pain. Now, considering the fact that I was having a stressful semester before this onset, have been putting so much pressure on myself and literally said out loud a few weeks ago "if my mind had a body, this would be my body" I think it's time I realized my issue is in the repressed emotions and not that I'm not healed. As I write this, the pain just keeps shifting around.

So how am I at accepting the diagnosis? Well, I decided not to go to physical therapy this week. My physical therapist had me convinced that my knee pain was due to weak hips and glutes, which has been hard to un-learn. She sounds so convinced. But then the testimony of today showed that if a man can have a whole leg 1.75 shorter than the other and not have pain; surely why should I? They have said that it's because my feet overpronate and my muscles are weak, but I'm not convinced.

Anyway, I'm blabbering. Right now, I'm at a 70% it's TMS 30% it might not be for the knees (which is hilarious to think about if you consider the fact that I was 100% in faith for a bone that was going to be removed and had been termed by 3 different doctors as "sick". Even though, I'm scared to get back into activity. I'm stuck in America trying to get better and then go back to my home country Kenya, and I'm afraid of hurting myself before going back. Just yesterday I did a lot of housecleaning and since then my left knee (which has had no part to play in this story) has been acting up. The pain feels so real and convincing. But the ramifications of believing are huge. I would need to stop PT, which I've been so reliant on, trust that my hips and glutes are fine, and change continents!

Oh well, I've been here before. And healed. So I know I'll get to the other side of this as well. Thank you to anyone who read all this!