Day 1 (knee and back pain)

Hello,

I have been lurking on this forum for a few weeks now. I've experience a number of TMS relating symptoms for the past year or so, most notably ongoing back pain that lasted for the better part of the year and knee pain for about 6 months that has gotten progressively worse over the last few months. However, I've also experienced pain in my chest, shoulders, neck, and some tension headaches (I think there were a few other symptoms at times that I am forgetting at the moment). I learned about TMS a few weeks ago and really resonated with it as it was more the most logical explanation for my wandering pain.

I have been reading various materials including the books on the topic written by Dr. Sarno and Alan Gordon. All medical records for my back came back clean, in my knees I've been diagnosed with patellofemoral pain syndrome ("PFPS"), maltracking and chondromalacia. I've began to accept the TMS diagnosis and actually very strongly resonate with it, except that I have some hesitation in acknowledging that my knee pain could be TMS given the structural findings and that it feels fairly structural - sometimes it feels like my knee is "banging" or "pulling" when I walk. This is likely why I've seen progress in my pain in all areas of my body, but the least so with my knee. However, there are some factors that lead me to concluding it is TMS - my pain seems extreme given my MRI results show only mild PFPS and chondromalacia, my pain keeps moving around between the right and left knee, there are days where it is better, there was no preceding injury and I had zero history of knee pain and my PTs are a bit perplexed my lack of recovery. I also have common TMS personality traits and I tend to catastrophize/stress out over injuries and definitely have done so with my knees (though I am working on that throughout this process). I also scaled back on almost all physical activities except PT strength training, which I would see improvements from time to time but never lasting. I have seen some improvement since accepting the TMS diagnosis, especially in reduction of fear and increased mobility though I think I have a way to go with the knee pain. My other pain has significantly reduced though. I also still have occasional back and chest pain, but now it goes away much more quickly.

I am starting to get back into exercising - starting with Pilates and Yoga but hope to work my way into some light jogging and cycling once I am a little more comfortable and less fearful. I also began doing some journaling and while journaling I will feel the aching in my knees, back, chest, etc. which confirms to me that it is TMS, however I don't yet see this leading to a reduction in pain (though I am new to journaling and should give it some more time). I also may take a break from PT as it is perpetuating the idea that there is something structurally wrong, though I feel some guilt towards my PTs in doing so (typical TMS personality type).

The reality is that for now I still have a good amount of fear that my activities could make my knees worse, and that will be the biggest obstacle to beat as I know that reduction of fear is essential for recovery. I hope to make some substantial progress by the end of this program, and hope that I can encourage and be a part of the journey of others, as reading others' success stories has been very helpful to me.

 

Welcome! PFPS was one of my first diagnoses in life that I now add to the TMS list. When I was about 16 I was on drill team. Popped into the front/back splits and out came the kneecap (subluxation thankfully, not full dislocation). PFPS was the later diagnosis for my knee pain that never went away after the injury healed. Most of my issues are spinal now but that knee still likes to fuss sometimes.

 

Thank you! Good to know you had a similar experience. The hardest part about this is that at times I doubt the TMS diagnosis (because it feels super physical) and get terrified that by re-engaging in activity I’m just going to make my knees worse or permanently ruin them. But I know this line of thinking is going to prevent me from recovering - hearing about your similar experience is definitely helpful!